I. Hate. Grading. Papers.

[DarkKnight]

I'm at the start of my seventh year teaching an online course on Asian film (as an adjunct), and I swear that every semester, the quality of writing I see on my students' papers gets worse and worse and worse. (The objective of the papers is to watch two films from a provided list, and compare and contrast how they present particular perspectives of Asian societies, cultures, and history, just as an FYI.)

Usually I find this depressing and discouraging, but every once in a while, I come across a couple of...special...mistakes that provoke a case of all-out Nostalgia Critic Syndrome (since it's an online class, the students never know about them). Up until last night, the all time favorite was a student talking about how Sophie, in Howl's Moving Castle, mustards her courage.

This semester, I got two of them, on separate papers.

So anywho, one student is talking about Balzac & The Little Chinese Seamstress (a Chinese film set during the Cultural Revolution) and Battle Royale. Said student talks about how the governments in the two films present a "very strict, almost Communist government." Without getting into the accuracy of this statement when it comes to Battle Royale, can someone please explain to me how in the name of Zophar's acne a bonified on-their-stationary Communist regime can be "ALMOST" COMMUNIST?

Second place went to the absolute worst use of the word "festooning" I have EVER seen. "[Name of film] is festooned with [fillmaker's] philosophy of..." Festooned means a string or garland of leaves or flowers. HOW DOES THAT EVEN BEGIN TO MAKE SENSE IN THIS CONTEXT???

And a third doesn't even get the friggin' nationality of a character right! Mr. Miyagi served in the US Army during World War II while his family was in an internment camp! HE WAS NOT A COMMANDER IN THE CHINESE ARMY, YOU [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]!!!! HOW CAN YOU ANALYZE THE WAY AN AMERICAN FILM DEPICTS JAPANESE CULTURE IF YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL THAT MR. MIYAGY, A FRIGGIN' CULTURAL ICON, IS JAPANESE???

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! ::headdesk:: ::headdesk:: ::headdesk:: ::headdesk:: ::headdesk::

These are COLLEGE STUDENTS, fer cryin' out loud! Am I really asking too much of them?

.....okay, I'm done now.

[Anon Mous]

Nov 16, 2012 13:07:58 GMT -5 DarkKnight said:

I'm at the start of my seventh year teaching an online course on Asian film (as an adjunct), and I swear that every semester, the quality of writing I see on my students' papers gets worse and worse and worse. (The objective of the papers is to watch two films from a provided list, and compare and contrast how they present particular perspectives of Asian societies, cultures, and history, just as an FYI.)

Cool. I'd choose Roshoman for one. I love that movie.

Nov 16, 2012 13:07:58 GMT -5 DarkKnight said:

Usually I find this depressing and discouraging, but every once in a while, I come across a couple of...special...mistakes that provoke a case of all-out Nostalgia Critic Syndrome (since it's an online class, the students never know about them). Up until last night, the all time favorite was a student talking about how Sophie, in Howl's Moving Castle, mustards her courage.

I should really send you some of the stuff my dad gets. He teaches Photography at a Community College.

Nov 16, 2012 13:07:58 GMT -5 DarkKnight said:

This semester, I got two of them, on separate papers.

So anywho, one student is talking about Balzac & The Little Chinese Seamstress (a Chinese film set during the Cultural Revolution) and Battle Royale. Said student talks about how the governments in the two films present a "very strict, almost Communist government." Without getting into the accuracy of this statement when it comes to Battle Royale, can someone please explain to me how in the name of Zophar's acne a bonified on-their-stationary Communist regime can be "ALMOST" COMMUNIST?

How much of a coincidence is this? At Youmacon my cousin almost bought Battle Royale, which I had never heard of before, because of the description from another con goer, "It's like the Asian version of the Hunger Games." After I got home, he called me up to ask me what the name of it was again. I couldn't remember, but the friends I was with did. Now I see the reference here. Where's this movie going to pop up next?

Nov 16, 2012 13:07:58 GMT -5 DarkKnight said:

Second place went to the absolute worst use of the word "festooning" I have EVER seen. "[Name of film] is festooned with [fillmaker's] philosophy of..." Festooned means a string or garland of leaves or flowers. HOW DOES THAT EVEN BEGIN TO MAKE SENSE IN THIS CONTEXT???

And a third doesn't even get the friggin' nationality of a character right! Mr. Miyagi served in the US Army during World War II while his family was in an internment camp! HE WAS NOT A COMMANDER IN THE CHINESE ARMY, YOU [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]!!!! HOW CAN YOU ANALYZE THE WAY AN AMERICAN FILM DEPICTS JAPANESE CULTURE IF YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL THAT MR. MIYAGY, A FRIGGIN' CULTURAL ICON, IS JAPANESE???

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! ::headdesk:: ::headdesk:: ::headdesk:: ::headdesk:: ::headdesk::

These are COLLEGE STUDENTS, fer cryin' out loud! Am I really asking too much of them?

.....okay, I'm done now.

Unfortunately, you won't be done until you retire, then you have other idiots to deal with. I wish this kind of thing disappeared in college. I took a technical writing class last semester and it blew me away how many people thought they were good writers and weren't. My recommendation, grade the papers like a well done fanfic MST (http://sd2cx1.webring.org/l/rd?ring=keroberos;id=28;url=http%3A%2F%2Fcardcaptor_schlueter.tripod.com%2F if you need inspiration) It's film related, why not.

Some people really just need to be told they are idiots. It's the only way they'll learn. Oh, and in the defense of the mustard person, they could have used spell check and hit the wrong choice. It's happened to me before (the differences being I usually catch it.)

[Solana]

(Brings out the Whomping Stick for the Battle Board.)

No, this kind of thing doesn't disappear with college. Working in the two bookstores has proved this over and over.

Maybe a 'mustering your courage' soundtrack could be a good addition to the grading soundtrack of DOOM for the really bad sessions.

[DarkKnight]

I'm thinking of ditching the Paper Grading Soundtrack of Doom in favor of a Paper Grading Soundtrack of Heroic Badass.

[Solana]

Here's a few to start that off.

[DarkKnight]

I have a couple other nominees. From the Solomon Kane soundtrack (by Klaus Badelt):



The opening theme from Batman Beyond: Return of The Joker:



Castlevania: Symphony of the Night also has couple of appropriate tracks.