Anon's Top 5 Lamest Attacks

[Anon Mous]

Learning moves, even in the first RPG, Dragon Warrior, has always been the true joy of RPGS. The work you put in to earn the exp needed to learn the dumbest attacks seems to make these moments even more aggrivating.

So, without further ado, Anon's Top Five Lamest Attacks!

5. Taunt, Most RPGs

In games where Tanks are often major damage dealers as well, who is the one who said, "Hmm. I think it would be a good idea to waste an attack/buff/heal turn by asking for all of the damage"?

4. Alex's Black Dragon Grief, Lunar the Silver Star Story Complete

As with most other instant death attacks from other games you gain no EXP. Awesome, so I get rid of the enemies, gain no EXP, they drop no money, and it was as if I didn't fight. Didn't they already have a move like that that didn't cost 15 MP. Oh yeah. Run.

3. All of the single hit Death attacks with no EXP, many RPGs

This is even worse, because it only hits one target, and they are not guarenteed to work.

2. Poco's Shift Flute, Arc the lad

So let me get this straight. Poco plays his flute and everyone faces the same way he does. That's it? No damage? It just makes them turn. Got a real winner with that one doncha?

1. Feign Swing, Breath of Fire III

You use a turn to take a practice swing. It doesn't do any damage, or give you a buff. In fact it doesn't do a damn thing. Some may say "Bad Back and Unmotivated are just as useless, seeing as they do the same thing." This is where they would be wrong. You don't have to learn Bad Back. Unmotivated has no real action for the character. Feign Swing, you actually attack, but without the damage part; and if you want to get Backhand from "master" Durandal, so you can apprentice Hondara for some great healing spells, you must first learn Feign Swing (and Unmotivated, but Feigh Swing is still worse.)

I put no videos because all of these moves were too stupid to watch.

[Ambrienne]

...I don't know if it's even possible to top those. Or would it be more like sinking below them? But I will try. How about...

5. Just about every enemy targeted, status effect spell with no initial damage (not just the instant death kind) in virtually every RPG with a mage or priest(ess).

There are a couple of games where these spells actually work. But we're talking about the ones that don't. They have practically zero chance of success, even on non-boss monsters. To add insult to injury, they work on you... about 99 freaking percent of the time.

So, what do you think? Should we waste MP in a fruitless effort to see if the enemy wants to snooze a bit or make them take a dirt nap for real?

4. The Imp (or, if you want to be more correct Goblin) summoning spell of FF IV.

You don't have to learn it. You have to find it (well, it's optional, but... you get the point). As an extremely rare drop early on in the game. And for all the time you waste finding it, the damage is completely worthless compared to the other techniques Rydia has at her disposal... even this early in the game.

3. Any suicidal attack.

Evidently, life is cheap. Very cheap. The same person who can carve people into bits of physical or mystical kibble, enacts one of these moves and their attempt to go down in a blaze of glory is lucky to singe the enemies' clothing with its minimal to mediocre damage.

2. Piko/Piko-Piko Hammer attacks in... just about every Tales Game

Sure, it's cute. But that's really it's only virtue... especially with the advent of directional, free flowing movement of both allies and enemies. It's easy to dodge, but then... it really doesn't do much damage anyway. But your healer will still try to spam the attack if you don't disable it first.

1. 80 percent of the Bard and Dancer class techniques of FF Tactics and thus, pretty much, the classes themselves.

This made my number one spot not because of the every turn, constant MP drain while dancing/singing, or even the fact that the majority of those songs are pointless. It's because of the fact that these classes are your 'reward' for leveling up numerous other classes. The culmination of your abilities results in a character that is all looks and no substance.

...Funny how 4 of these 5 apply to Square-Enix games. Coincidence, maybe? You decide.

[jwl]

The Black Dragon Grief attack does have one use in Lunar:SSS. It allows you to reach the women's bathing area without too much trouble. The monsters guarding the place are ridiculously powerful and offer pathetic experience, so you're better off nuking them and not getting the EXP.

I'd have to agree with status attacks which (might) work and don't do any initial damage, especially in games where you can defeat an enemy in one or two attacks. Why the heck would you waste an attack and MP on a status attack when your normal attack will wipe out the enemy?

And I'll also throw in games where your characters have magical or special attacks which are weaker than their normal attacks. I have to wonder... why? Why did you bother to give the character attack magic which is weaker than his or her normal attack? What am I supposed to do with it?

[Zero]

One attack that I keep running into in my Dragon Quest games is Ironize. It makes it that you can't get hurt, but, you turn into a lump of iron, so you can't do anything. Seriously?

I agree with the sucide attacks, except in one instance in Dragon Warrior VII. Was fighting the final boss, who had killed everyone but my main character. One quick chant of Sacrifice brought back the rest of my group, including the healer, who brought back my Main Character. That lead to an epic win.

'Sides that, yeah, sac spells suck.

[Anon Mous]

Jul 14, 2009 22:03:38 GMT -5 jwl said:

The Black Dragon Grief attack does have one use in Lunar:SSS. It allows you to reach the women's bathing area without too much trouble. The monsters guarding the place are ridiculously powerful and offer pathetic experience, so you're better off nuking them and not getting the EXP.

That's why it's 4 instead of 3.

[Ambrienne]

Jul 15, 2009 21:51:24 GMT -5 Zero said:

One quick chant of Sacrifice brought back the rest of my group, including the healer, who brought back my Main Character. That lead to an epic win.

'Sides that, yeah, sac spells suck.

That's why I specified 'attack' in the list. Though, to be honest, I've never used the healing ones, either. Never been in the right situation to either need or be able to use them.