Scrubs Parody: My Porcelain Goddess

[Solana]

Not to worry, Roas, I swapped out Kiyone for the "office idea" roof scene and even managed to tweak Elliot's to my boundaries. Deane is borrowed from Darrell's Lunar: Crimson Hope.

(Lark is wandering through the hallways amidst doctors and gurneys.)

I'm running a little late today, but that's okay, because I've been working with Dr. Darknight the past few weeks. You see, he has obsessive-compulsive disorder, and he likes to start each day in the same way.

(Darknight is walking around a hospital room, touching things and saying "Bink," as he does.)

By touching everything in his first patient's room.

(Darknight keeps going, touching a basin, a tray, a box of tissues, then opening up a jar of tongue depressors and touching every single one with a "Bink". As he's finishing, Azreal enters.)

Azreal- Good morning, doctors.

He touches everything.

Darknight (touching Azreal's nose)- Bink.

Azreal- Oh, okay. I suppose that's how they say 'Good morning' in cuckoo-town.

Darknight- Pretty much. (Touches Azreal's stethoscope.) Bink.

Azreal- Now, your patients on this wing have all been complaining of odd noises.

Darknight- Oh, if it's 'Bink', I can explain.

Azreal- It isn't 'Bink'. Stop saying 'Bink'.

Lark- Was it, "I come from the land down under! Where women glow and men plunder!"? That wasn't me.

Azreal (glares at one, then the other)- Just figure it out, dammit. (Leaves the room.)

Darknight- Do you plunder?

Lark- I have been known to plunder. What's that noise he's talking about?

(An odd flushing noise is heard, and Lark and Darknight both look up. It then cuts to the infamous roof toilet.)

Techno- That, my friends, is a roof toilet.

Darknight- I'm sorry, you say that like it's a normal thing.

Lark (murmuring to him)- Yeah, well, with this guy...

Techno- Hey, are you the guy who's been using up all my soap?

Darknight- Yeah, I've got OCD.

Techno- Really? My grandpa had that! Every morning, he'd take a gym sock, fill it with nickels, and just beat us! (Laughs while they stare at him.) That's OCD, right?

Lark- The bad kind.

Darknight (examining the toilet)- Who would use this thing?

Techno- You kidding? Oh, man, just picture yourself! You're standing here, out in the open air, (sits on it) then you sit down and take stock of your life. I've had some major epiphanies on this old girl. See, you can't do any soul-searching down there in those germ-infested crappers.

Dammit, he's right.

Techno (rising)- Listen, pal, I don't want you telling anybody about my epiphany toilet.

Lark- Who would I tell?

(Techno sees Darknight about to touch it and makes a warning noise. Darknight brings his hand back quickly.)

Techno- Don't even think about it.

(Cuts to the cafeteria.)

Lark- ... and get this, he calls it his "epiphany toilet".

Solana- You couldn't pay me to go on the roof.

Zero- No one's offering.

Lark- You're like Dr. Darknight. I think he said that using that toilet would be like his Everest.

(Cuts to Lark and Darknight back on the roof by the toilet.)

Darknight- Using that toilet, would be my Everest.

(They look off into the distance, mountain-climber style.)

Lark- Yup, that's what he said.

(Kiyone is murmuring to Zero to do something, then finally gives up.)

Kiyone- Lark, Zero wants to ask you something, and it would mean a lot to the BOTH of us, if you said yes. (Zero smiles and drapes an arm over her shoulders.)

Skylark-

Oh, my Goddess, they want to name their next kid after me? I'm flattered, but...

Zero- Would you be my best man?

Lark- Oh.

Zero (looking stunned)- Huh?

Lark- I mean, 'yeah!!!' Of course!

(They get up and hug, pounding each other on the back.)

Zero- Hell, yeah, you will!

Solana- So is this, like, the best moment you guys have ever had?

(They look off to the side, and it cuts to cereal filling up a bowl. A prize lands with a 'clink'.)

Lark- A secret dragon decoder ring. (Laughs and pours more cereal in his bowl, and another lands.) . Zero!

Zero (comes running in)- What?

Lark- It finally happened!

Zero- A double prizer!

(They start cheering and beating their chests together.)

Zero- That was awesome.

Kiyone- You guys realize you're doctors, right?

Lark- Secret dragon decoder ring-wearing doctors! (He and Zero raise their fists boasting the rings, and press the rings together.)

Lark & Zero- Activate!

Lark- Form of an ice menorah!

Solana-

Kiyone-

(Cuts to main theme, then surfer music plays as Zero pushes a gurney where Lark is taking a surfer pose.)

The reason that I'm gurney-surfing, aside from the fact that it's totally bitchin', is that Serano shut down this whole wing.

Zero (pushes Lark's gurney away)- Dude, I gotta go.

(Lark is watching him go, then turns around and sees a low-hanging sign.)

Lark- Oh, no...

(Whack! It knocks him off the gurney and into a backward somersault to the floor. Zero winces in sympathy as Lark tries getting back up.)

(It cuts to him getting off an elevator into the reception area, a large red mark on his forehead.)

You see, a census said that hospital admissions dropped in February.

(The reception area is packed with sick people.)

The census was wrong.

Kiyone- Dr. Serano, where are we going to fit these people? They're all sick!

Azreal- It's not my job to take care of sick people.

Roas- Azreal Serano, healer.

Azreal- Closing that wing saves us about sixty thousand silver a month. You got that on you?

(Roas and Kiyone sigh and walk off to tend the patients.)

(It cuts to Lark walking down the hallway.)

It's weird how much Dr. Darknight has influenced me in such a short time.

Lark (reaching out to touch Rune)- Bink!

Rune- Hey! 'Bink' you!

And it wasn't just me. Dr. Darknight's affected everyone.

(Kyle is hard at work writing something.)

Lark- What's he doing?

Solana- He's writing Dr. Darknight a 'thank you' card.

Kyle- I could use a little help here.

Zero (pointing)- 'Surgeon' is spelled 'g-e-o-n', and, uh, you use a 'y' in 'Kyle'.

Kyle- Got it.

(The others look away in exasperation, until Roas whistles.)

Roas- I'm sorry, does (whistles) mean 'stare at me like jackasses' or does it mean 'get the hell over here'?

(Lark and Solana hurry over.)

Roas- All right, then, Lyude here is fatiguing and he needs to be intubated. Any questions?

(Solana gets to work.)

Lark- Yeah, Zero has asked me to be his best man, and do you have any advice?

Roas- No, no. No, I don't. Not at this moment.

Solana (setting the tube down Lyude's throat)- You know what sucks?! Everyone keeps talking about how Dr. Darknight has helped them, and he doesn't even know I exist.

Lark (dryly)- So introduce yourself.

Solana (attaching the balloon)- I haven't seen him all day. He's probably trying to figure out some new procedure that's going to save humanity.

(Lark looks away, and it cuts to Darknight facing the roof toilet.)

Darknight- Why can't I sit on you? Why?

(Cuts back to Lark.)

Lark- Probably.

Roas (coming back in)- Newbie, it turns out, I do have some best man advice. Go easy on the mascara in case you cry during your toast, and if you're going to chase after the bouquet with all the other girls, be sure to kick off your pumps so you don't snap one of those chicken ankles of yours. (Lark looks away, a little irritated.)

Lark- Thanks. Thanks for coming back.

Roas (shaking his head)- Ecco, are you sure you went into his lungs? It looks like you're blowing up his stomach! (Puts on his stethoscope and listens to his stomach, then checks a monitor.) Dammit, his O2 stat's dropping. Get out of the way, come on. (Pushes Solana away and redoes the intubation properly.)

Even if you've done a procedure five thousand times, there's no guarantee that you won't screw up number five thousand and one.

Roas- A few more seconds, and we would have been coding this guy. Take that. (Hands her the balloon, and she starts pumping it.) Ecco, as hard as it is to remember, but AIR goes in the LUNGS.

Lark- Can I practice my toast on you?

Roas- No. (Leaves the room.)

Lark- I'm opening with a quote from 'Mana Khemia'. (Follows him out.)

(Solana keeps pumping, looking crestfallen.)

(Cuts to Lark and Zero trying on tuxes. Zero has the cummerbund by his chest and is examining the result in the mirror.)

Lark- Actually, it goes lower. (Fixes it.)

Zero- I don't know why Kiyone wants me to wear a cummerbund, let alone a red one.

Lark (smiling at his bowtie)- Come on, as your best man, trust me- it's not about the style, it's about the fit. When you're out there on the dance floor, you don't want any restrictions. Okay, let's test these babies out one more time.

Zero- Ready? Five, six, seven, eight! And one!

(They start dancing with a spin and some groovy steps.)

Zero- And drop it to the floor, make it hot! (They crouch over.)

Lark- It is hot!

Zero- You'd better feel the burn!

Lark- I feel the burn!

(An astonishingly in-style young man comes out, watching them. Light bounces off his chartreuse and mauve waistband.)

Deane- Where I come from, they don't allow two men to marry.

(Lark and Zero quickly rise, then start babbling manly explanations.)

Zero- I'm going to go change.

Lark- Uh, I'm the best man. Do you have any advice for me to give my friend?

Deane- Just remind him over and over that the wedding is all about what the woman wants.

Lark- Yeah, I'll make sure and do that. As the best man, don't you think my tux should stand out from the other groomsmens'?

Deane- What did you have in mind?

(Lark looks off to the side, and it cuts to a chapel.)

Jessica- The ring, please.

(Zero and Kiyone turn to Lark.)

Zero- You got the ring?

Lark (dressed in a glittering white tux and feathered hat)- It's gotta be one of these! (Holds up his hands boasting a dozen sparkling rings.)

(Cuts back to Lark and Deane.)

Lark- Oh, I've got ideas...

(It cuts to a monitor beeping like crazy.)

Kiyone- He's crashing! He needs to be intubated! (Hands the tools to Solana, who panics.)

Solana- Dr. Atrades!

Roas (taking them)- Oh, that's just dandy! I got a billion patients, no rooms, I got Newbie pestering me for advice about how to be the best woman at the soul stealer's wedding, and I got a resident who can't do a simple procedure even though she learned it the first week she was here!

Solana- I'm sorry, Dr. Atrades, I don't know what to do.

Roas- I'll tell you what to do. (Grabs the patient's chart.) Get the hell out of here. (She obeys.) I swear to Althena, Kiyone, if one more annoying thing comes my way, then please just go ahead and extract some of that extra air out of Ecco's head and inject it right into my veins!

Azreal (tapping Roas' shoulder)- Hey, ace! I want you to find my gardener Brazac a room. (Smiles and waves to a large bald guy in a wheelchair, who waves back.) He has a mild case of cellulitis and I need him in tiptop shape by the weekend. I'm having my annual lawnbowling tournament and if anyone but Brazac cuts my grass my game goes to heck in a handbasket.

Roas- Dammit, Azreal, you know we don't have an extra bed in this dump!

Azreal- Roas, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? (Does a double thumbs-up.) Azreal Serano! I thought we'd met. (Walks off as Brazac waves to Roas, who puts on a fake smile and waves back.)

Roas- Brazac. How you doing?

(It cuts to Zero and Lark walking through the hallway.)

Lark- Aw, man, this is amazing. I'm your best friend, now I'm your best man, what am I going to be best at next?

Zero- How about the best at not talking?

One one thousand, two one thousand, and now I'm best at that!

Techno- Hey. (They pause.)

Lark- Me or him?

Techno- You. (Zero walks off.)

Lark- What now?

Techno- Did you tell anybody about my epiphany toilet?

Lark- No, why?

(Darrell comes from the stairs to the roof, humming to himself.)

Techno- Where are you coming from?! (Lark shakes his head rapidly.)

Darrell- No. (Leaves the scene.)

Techno- If I find out you told anybody, then I'm going to beat you with Poppy's old nickel-sock.

Lark- First, why would I tell anyone? Secondly, no one has epiphanies on the john!

(Cuts to Kiyone on the roof-toilet.)

Kiyone- Of course, there's one available room!

(Cuts to Brazac in a hospital bed in Azreal's office, being checked over by Roas. Kiyone is bringing in an IV with a particularly evil smile on her face.)

Roas- Oh, good, Kiyone, set that over there. I'm going to tell Brazac here that he can stay just as long as he likes!

Kiyone (saluting)- Aye, aye, captain!

When two people collide, many things can happen.

(Azreal comes into his office, then stops deadstill with his eyes opened wide.)

Azreal- What the hell is going on in here?!

Roas- Oh, hey, Azreal, great news! Kiyone found Brazac a room! (Raises his arms gleefully.)

Azreal-

For some, it can be disastrous.

(Cuts to Solana walking sadly through a hallway.)

For others, it can be salvation.

Solana- I need help...

Darknight (tapping her on the shoulder)- Excuse me.

(A golden light shines on him.)

Darknight- Uh, buddy, can you not point that at me?

Kazyr (nodding and turning the light away)- Sure.

Darknight- Hi, I'm Darknight. (Holds out his hand.)

Solana (giggling and shaking his hand)- I know! (Calms down a little.) I know.

Still, the weirdest thing is when two people collide and without ever being in the same room.

(Lark is coming into his darkened suite in the Shrine and hits the answering machine.)

Kratos- Hey, Zero, it's Kratos. Good news, I can be your best man after all. I'm looking forward to it. Call me.

(Lark sighs sadly and looks off to the side.)

[Solana]

(Lark is drinking coffee in the morning with a mock innocent expression.)

Sure, I was hurt when I found out I was second choice for Zero's best man, but I'm not going to be petty. When the tux guy called to confirm Zero's measurements, I gave them to him.

(Zero comes stomping out of a bedroom in a tux with shorts on the bottom.)

Zero- Dude! I look like I'm getting married in Costa Del Sol!

Lark- Just paint your legs black. You'll be fine.

Zero- Look at this lameass bowtie and cummerbund, man! I'm really thinking about talking to Kiyone about this, what do you think?

(Lark looks off to the side, and it cuts back to Deane's advice.)

Deane- Just remind him over and over that a wedding is all about what the woman wants.

(Cuts back to the present.)

Lark- You know what? You should totally say something. I mean, unless you want to set a precedent where she's walking all over you for the rest of your life. But, it's your call. You might love that, I don't know. (Turns away to continue his coffee.)

(Cuts to Kiyone crying.)

Kiyone- I wanted those red cummerbunds because that's the theme!

Zero- Red is a theme?

Kiyone- Love is the theme! We're in love, you idiot! (Throws a pillow at him.) Just tell me why you would make such a big deal about something we both know you don't even care about.

Zero (in a small voice)- I dunno...

(Kiyone sobs and collapses onto a pillow on the couch.)

Lark- Well, I'd better get to work before all the good patients are taken.

(Cuts to Solana and Darknight eating lunch together. Darknight is checking over his sandwich.)

Solana- So, tell me- is it harder being a surgeon, or a doctor?

Darknight- Oh, definitely a surgeon. Because when you tell people that a loved one died, (puts a napkin to his mouth, then pulls it down) you have to pull your surgical mask down and shake your head. If you do it too fast, it says I knew he was going to die. (Puts it back, and pulls it down faster.) If you do it too slow and pause, it gives them false hope. (Demonstrates again.) So you have to do it perfectly. Ah, damn...

Solana- If one of my loved ones ever dies, I hope it's because of you.

Darknight- Hey, me too. Have you seen the roof toilet?

Solana- No, but I like my privacy. I'm just more comfortable with the setup I have at the Shrine, you know? That or the time-traveling bathroom...

Darknight- I've only gone outside the Shrine twice. Once on the Destiny, and once at the Mansion in Meribia.

Solana- How are the bathrooms there?

Darknight- Quite nice, but you should see the fountains. You'd love them.

Solana- I'll have to. Listen, I know that you've helped a lot of people, and I just have this intubating problem.

Darknight-...I'll be right back.

Solana- Wh-where are you going?

Darknight- To climb a mountain.

(Solana looks bummed out as he leaves, and it cuts to Azreal and Roas and Kiyone having a heated and hushed argument in the office with a peacefully sleeping Brazac in the background.)

Azreal- This is completely unacceptable!

Kiyone- You said "Find him a room!'

Azreal- Not in my office, dammit!!

Roas- He's your gardener, for Althena's sake!

Azreal- I could have both of you suspended!

(They're all talking at once, until Brazac stirs. They stop as he just rolls over and goes back to sleep, then start up again.)

Roas- You made your own bed, and now your underpaid gardener has to sleep in it!

Azreal- Fine! Get out of here! I've got some paperwork to get done!

(They obey, and it cuts to Techno peeking through a window in the door to the stairwell. A HUGE line is waiting to go to the roof.)

Techno- Oh, man! Tell me you're not waiting to use my roof toilet!

Rune- Well, I would use Dr. Serano's like I usually do, but I don't want to wake Brazac.

Techno- Okay, look, attention roof poopers! Setting aside for one moment the fact that I'm going to make sure that you all live to regret this day, let's keep the magic rolling. Let's not tell anyone else that there's a toilet on the roof! (The door opens, and Kyle enters.) There is not a toilet on the roof! (Turns to see Kyle.)

Kyle- But you just said there was!

Techno- No-yes, I did, but I was using a metaphor... uh, that means... the gods are watching us. You've heard this, there's a toilet on the roof. Right, people?

Everyone on the stairs- Yes, that's right!

Kyle- Cool. (Makes a blessing motion, then snaps and leaves.)

(Cuts to Lark working on paperwork at a counter.)

You know what, it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're still best man. It's not like Zero is going to take that away from you.

(Zero approaches.)

Zero- Lark, can I talk to you?

AH!

Zero- Have you seen Kiyone around?

Phew, false alarm.

Zero- Cause, I need to talk to you in private. Sort of man to man.

AH!

Lark- I can't right now, Zero. I'm completely swamped.

Zero- You're drawing lightning bolts on your shoes.

Lark- So I can get to my patients faster.

Zero- How about later?

Lark- Later's no good, dude. I have to stop by the tux shop, and gotta finish telling my whole family that you picked me as your best man!

(Cuts to Solana at her table, practicing the surgical mask lowering with her napkin.)

Solana- This is hard.

(Darknight returns.)

Darknight- I'm sorry it took me so long! I had to go home. Damn roof toilet, it's got my number!

Solana- Can't lick it, huh?

Darknight- Oh, hell no. I can't even sit on it.

Solana (raises her eyebrows)- Look, um, that problem that I was telling you about before- I can't seem to intubate patients anymore. I mean, I used to do that better than anyone else here. Now, the only thing that sets me apart from the other doctors is that my pager plays Loreena McKennitt songs. I don't know what to do.

Darknight- It's just a piece of porcelain! I mean, there's no reason why one shouldn't be able to sit on it!

Solana- Yeah, about my career-ending problem...

Darknight- I must conquer the roof toilet!

Solana (screeching)- Enough about the roof toilet! (Darknight stares at her.) I mean, all I've heard from anyone is how amazing you are and I'm not leaving here until you help me out!

(A pager goes off, playing 'The Mystic's Dream'.)

Solana- Dammit, I have to go.

Darknight- Solana, I'll help you.

Solana- Thanks. (Takes off.)

(Cuts to Darrell reading off some legal documents to Azreal.)

Darrell- Furthermore, if Sacred Shrine elementary school for girls does not change its name post haste- I thought that was a nice touch- legal action will be taken post haste! Wait, that's wrong...

Azreal- Shocker. I can't even think straight with all this incessant whispering. It's like a damn golf tournament in here!

Kiyone- I'm sorry, Dr. Serano, but I'm trying to get their lunch orders.

Azreal- That reminds me. Brazac! Sireen made you a perschutto and mozzerella sandwich, but I... uh... there was a misunderstanding and now it's gone. (Leaves.)

Brazac- I hope I'm not causing Dr. Serano any trouble.

Kiyone- Screw him, he ate your sandwich.

Darrell (hopefully)- Did you say, "screw him" or "kill him"?

Kiyone- "Screw him".

Darrell- Aw.....

(Cuts to Lark on the roof toilet.)

Lark- That's it, I just have to go and talk to him.

(Lark's back inside the hospital. Darknight is filling out paperwork, muttering his name with each signature.)

Lark- Dr. Darknight, have you seen Zero?

Darknight- Oh, yeah, nice guy. Good surgeon. Great dancer.

Lark- You should see us getting down when we tried pants on together.

Darknight (laughing nervously)- I have to go.

Lark- Cool, I'll see you tomorrow.

Darknight- Actually, no, I got a call. I have to head back to my other hospital.

Lark- Why? Why do you have to do that?

Darknight- Well, look at it this way. I may be leaving here (spreads his arms out to indicate the hospital), but I will always be there. (Points to Lark's heart.)

Lark- I know.

Darknight- I am so messing with you.

Lark- I know. Okay, sir, it was amazing to work with you. (Holds out his hand for a shake.)

Darknight- Thank you. (Checks his watch.) And that's three seconds!

Lark (pulling away)- Okay. Sorry.

(Darknight leaving through the doors, then coming back in and trying to go out again a few times.)

Watching Dr. Darknight leave, I couldn't help but think how childish I looked giving him that two-handed handshake. And also how weird it was that someone could just walk into your life and have such a big impact and then vanish just like that. Never to be seen again. But mostly I thought how in some small way, Darknight had helped every single person he met here.

(Darknight comes in one more time, then leaves with a hop and is finally satisfied. Then it cuts to Solana coming back into the cafeteria.)

Solana- Darknight? Has anyone seen Darknight? (No one answers, and she sighs in disappointment.)

(Cuts to Lark coming into the cafeteria.)

Where the hell is Zero?

(Sees a depressed Solana sitting by herself, slurping a pop. Concerned, he goes to join her.)

Lark- What's wrong?

Solana- Darknight left. He didn't even say goodbye.

Lark- Solana, he didn't say goodbye to a lot of people. Just me, Roas, Kiyone, Hiro, Reika...

Solana- Look, I don't want to sound pathetic, but he didn't even help me.

Lark- He didn't even help a lot of people, Solana. Just me and Zero and Kiyone and Roas and Hiro and Ronfar...

Solana- Ronfar? I thought he'd gone back to gambling.

Lark- Almost, Solana, almost. But if you need help, I'm always here for you.

Solana- All right. See, with intubating. I can't seem to intubate...

(Lark looks up and spots Zero.)

Lark- Zero. I gotta go.

(Cuts to Roas and Kiyone in a darkened hallway as Solana joins them.)

Kiyone- Solana?

Solana- Oriana?

Roas- What is it there, Ecco?

Solana- I need help.

Roas- I know you do, but here I'm plumb out of hair scrunchies. Now scram, we're waiting for somebody. Go on. (She obeys.)

Azreal- Brazac's mom just set some paperwork on fire with her damn prayer candle!

Kiyone- He's here.

Azreal- I want them both out of my office!!!

Kiyone- Sir, there's a ton of empty beds right here. All you have to do is flick the switch.

Roas- You know how to do that, don't you, Azreal? You just bend over, and flick.

(Azreal gives him the evil eye, but the lights go on and the wing fills with people again.)

Roas- Yeah, I thought so.

(Solana goes to her locker, then sees a strip of toilet paper on the floor. It says "Follow me" on the end. She quickly looks around, then starts following the trail through the hospital and up to the roof toilet. At the end of the trail is something taped to the tank, and she picks it up without showing it to the audience.)

Solana- He did it, he climbed his Everest. But, who took this? "Polaroid, self-timer. Your turn."

(She looks into the bowl hesitantly, and it cuts to Lark and Zero sitting on a car in the parking lot.)

Zero- With Jean's protege from the carnival, I really believe that the Blue Dragons will hold onto their title.

Lark- Yeah.

Zero- What sport are we talking about?

Lark- I want to say "tennis". Look, Zero, I heard the message that Kratos left on the machine. I want you to know, if there's anything I can do to make the day go smoother, just tell me. Even if it's stepping down from being best man.

Zero- The only reason I asked him is because I knew he couldn't come. But now I'm screwed because his plans have changed and he's all excited.

It's always uncomfortable when two guys want to say something to each other.

(They start explaining at the same time to each other.)

Zero- Cool.

Lark- Solid. You know, if it makes it easier, we could be co-best men.

Zero- You have no idea how much stress that would relieve.

Lark- Even though, Althena says that it's supposed to be one.

(Zero playfully shoves him, and it cuts to Azreal talking to Brazac. Roas and Kiyone are watching from the hallway.)

Kiyone- You ever think there's more to Dr. Serano than we know?

Roas- Sure. Is he in fact a latexing robot with real Galadinean hair and a circuitboard where his heart should be? I can't, I can't rule that out.

Kiyone- You know, Brazac told me that he's worked for Dr. Serano for over twenty thousand years. That's a big portion of his life, and it doesn't seem like he hates Dr. Serano.

Roas- Say, Azreal, is it possible that you're occasionally a decent person in your life outside of this place?

Azreal- Well, champ, seeing as you don't exist in my life outside of this place I doubt that it's any of your damn business.

(He leaves them behind, when suddenly...)

BZZZT!!! BZZZZT!!!

(The screen goes black for a moment, then a message appears.)

"We're terribly sorry, but are currently experiencing technical difficulties with the picture. The lines appear to have been cut and melted at the same time. However, the sound is still working. We apologize for any inconveniences and will try to get it back online as soon as we can. Thank you for your patience."

(The screen shifts back to and stays black, and we hear Solana's thoughts.)

Okay. Well, so far, no epiphanies. Except this outdoor toilet seat is like frickin' icicles. Well, at least no one saw me go.

(Sounds of lights being turned on and a helicopter can be heard. It sounds like it lands.)

Ambrienne- Go, go!

(The picture comes back on, and Solana is rushing over to a paramedic team headed by Ambrienne.)

Solana- Uh, hi, we don't have a helicopter landing pad.

Ambrienne- We're out of time. He's losing oxygen fast. He needs to be intubated now!

Solana- Just let me get someone.

Ambrienne (shoving the tools into Solana's hands)- You! Now! Let's go! Do it!

(Hesitantly, she obeys and gets the tube where it needs to go.)

Solana- I'm in.

(The other paramedic hands her the balloon, and we see it's Darknight.)

Darknight- You see, this is why I wanted you to use the bathroom up here.

Solana-

Darknight- If there's something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient or copping a squat on the roof, and your mind is throwing up roadblocks, just know that you can drive right through them.

Solana- Thank you, and you even pretended to leave just to show me I could do it.

Darknight- You're welcome.

(It cuts to the next morning, and the toilet is gone.)

Lark- I can't believe it's gone.

I think it's human nature to search for answers.

Zero- Dude, why is your tux gonna cost four thousand silver?

Lark (innocent)- No reason.

(Cuts to a driving car.)

Sometimes the answer you get is the one you least suspect.

(Azreal is driving with Brazac and his family.)

Azreal- All right, now pipe down! Who's up for Dairy Queen?

(Cheers of "Dairy Queen" reply, and it cuts to Solana confidently doing an intubation.)

But more often than not, the answers we've been looking for have been inside us all along.

Roas- Well done there, Ecco. You're now exactly where you were three years ago.

(He walks off as Solana smiles and keeps pumping.)

I guess the important thing is to never stop searching.

(Lark starts to open a cleaning supplies closet.)

Techno (calling)- Occupied!

(He shuts it, then turns around and smacks into Laike, who drops an armful of files. He starts to help pick them up, but Laike gestures for him to go.)