Schala Plays: Cards Against Humanity

[skylark]

Schala: Rune, I need to use the Skype for a few hours.

Rune: What for...?

Schala: ...business.

Rune: Schala...

Schala: Long. Awaited. Business.

Rune: You know the rules.

Schala: I cleaned off the custard from the building even though it was Reika who threw the pie. I think I've earned a little leeway.

Rune: ...true. Alright, fine. How long?

Schala: 3 hours at the least.

Rune: ......this doesn't involve Lark?

Schala: He was up all night last night and he's still sleeping. You don't have to worry about that.

Rune: .....this doesn't involve Reika?

Schala: ....it won't if you can find a way to keep her off my back.

Rune: Deal. Can't really make any promises, though.

Schala: Thank you! ^_^

And as Schala left Rune's office... a rather uncharacteristic smirk graced her features.

'All tasks at hand have been cleared...'

Said smirk soon turned into a vicious grin.

Schala: Now then...

--------------

*beep*

*beep*

*beep*

*Black_King has logged in.*

*Red_Queen has logged in.*

?: Scions of the Square, I have returned.

Schala: All Hail Lelouch. :3

Lelouch: Oh, come on. You can do better than that. >.>

Schala: I would, but then my landlady might have me committed. Seriously, she'd throw a fit if she found out you and I were pen pals.

Kallen: Gee, I wonder why she'd think that... >.>

Schala: I know, right? <.<

Lelouch: Cute. Anyway, the rest of my minions should be showing up shortly.

Kallen: Yeah, about that. Jerimaiah couldn't come by today. Had to step in the recording booth for something.

Lelouch: Damn you, Murphey... >_<

*White_Knight has logged in.*

Kallen: Speaking of...

Schala: And the Freudian Trio is complete.

Suzaku: What's this about Freud, now?

Lelouch: It seems your allies have abandoned you. As much as I would prefer total victory, I'm willing to navigate the negotiation table for a surrender.

*Van_Houten_Anima has logged in.*

Schala: Elly!

Lelouch: Curses.

Elly: Hey Schala. You didn't start without me again, did you?

Schala: Nope. I learned my lesson after last week. >.>

Elly: Good girl.

Suzaku: Elly...? Oh, I remember now. Loved you in Xenosaga.

EllY: .......

Schala: One game back, Lord Kururugi.

Suzaku: Oh... OH. I am so sorry... D:

Schala: To be fair though... Technically, he's not exactly wrong.

Elly: I'll be sure to take that into consideration, "Kid".

Schala: .......touch'e. >_<

*Knight_of_Forcena has logged in.*

Duran: 'Sup? What'd I miss?

Lelouch: Shots were just fired.

Duran: Damn. >_<

*Deputy_Commander has logged in.*

Suzaku: Oh, hey Ohgi.

Ohgi: Hey.

Lelouch: .....Kallen. Explain.

Kallen: He was bored and we needed a fourth man.

Lelouch: ......you do remember that he's a social pariah for a reason, right?

Ohgi: *sighs* Here we go... >_<

Kallen: Oh, get over it Lelouch. I did.

Lelouch: And that fact has split apart our fanbase to this very day. <.<

Schala: Anybody have any popcorn, because this is juicy.

Suzaku: Speaking of fourth players, did you guys find anyone or...?

Duran: Yeah, just a sec. *away from the Skype* Get your ass over here! We're starting!

Kallen: *snorts* Wow. You guys are on LAN?

Elly: I'm not.

Schala: I am, but I have the room to myself. ^_^

Duran: Alright, here he comes.

Schala: Yay.

*OneWingedAngel01 has logged in.*

OneWingedAngel01: Good to see you... Schala.

Schala: Yay, Sephie!

Sephiroth: Hmph. I see your ability to steal my thunder is as sharp as ever.

Schala: No, you're just out of practice. >.>

Sephiroth: By the way, I finally managed to get around to reading those fanfictions you told me of. Not... exactly the most flattering portayal of me. <.<

Schala: But the rest is good, right?

Lelouch: Alright, it seems that everyone is here. Are we ready to play, or...?

Schala: Deal 'em in, Card Tzar. >

Cards Against Humanity

Code Geass                                 VS                               Square Enix

     Lelouch Vi Brittannia                                                    Schala Zeal Tsukoyamo
                  Kallen Kozuki                                                            Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)
                         Suzaku Kururugi                                                         Elyhaim Van Houten (Xenogears)
               Kaname Ohgi                                                           Duran (Seiken Densetsu 3)

[Solana]

Are you going to use cards from the game or invent your own?

[skylark]

Mar 5, 2016 16:05:03 GMT -5 Solana said:

Are you going to use cards from the game or invent your own?

A little from Column A, a little from Column B... and for the record, I'm probably going to Hell by the time I finish this. >.>

[Rune Lai]

Excellent...

[skylark]

*VULGARNESS WILL ENSUE FROM HERE ON OUT. THOU HAST BEEN WARNED.*

Round 1: FIGHT

Lelouch: So we're doing this in teams? Not sure on the rules here.

Schala: We're playing best of 5, 3 points for a win. First team to get three wins gets the pot.

Ohgi: How big a pot are we talking?

Duran: We've saved up about 100k for this. Elly's going to post this on Youtube later.

Lelouch: ....acceptable.

Kallen: Why only three wins? Shouldn't it be four?

Sephiroth: Well, some of us actually still have jobs and aren't in the retirement stage.

Suzaku: Yep. Still waiting to finish up on Akito.

Schala: Speaking of, I've missed the past few character meetings. Congratulations on the remake.

Sephiroth: Hoping its possible success will revitalize other old franchises?

Schala: ...maybe. >.>

Lelouch: Alright, let's start this thing. Any extra packs you downloaded?

Schala: Just the new Code Geass pack.

Lelouch: Hmm. Clever.

Suzaku: Didn't know there was a pack on us...

*Lelouch draws the first black card of the game.*

Lelouch: "____. High five, bro." Alright, let's see what you've got.

Elly: Oh wow...

Suzaku: *snort* Oh, son of a bitch...

Schala: Ha!

Ohgi: Oh, come on! Really? *laughs*

*The players choose their cards...*

|____. High five, bro.|

|Incest| ---- |Nipple clamps| ---- |Pizza Hut whoring out for the Rebellion| ---- |The Taint, the Grunge, the Fleshy Fun Bridge| ---- |R19... just R19| ---- |Bea Arthur's saggy tits| ---- |waffles|

Kallen: R19? Really?

Ohgi: And so it begins...

Schala: You have to admit, that's not something a person can exactly live down.

Duran: Seriously, it needs to be asked. The fuck were you thinking?

Ohgi: I was thinking mostly along the lines that Taniguchi-san does not understand the meaning of the phrase 'unfortunate implications'.

Lelouch/Suzaku/Kallen: Sounds about right.

Suzaku: I'm just wondering who put down 'waffles'. Clearly a junk card.

Elly: Yeah, that's mine. I just needed to get rid of it.

Lelouch: Welp, moment of truth. *picks |R19... just R19|*

(Score: Kaname Ohgi +1)

Sephiroth: ...Wat.

*Suzaku starts laughing*

Lelouch: ....you shameless bastard.

*Everyone starts laughing*

Duran: You jew-fro wearing son of a bitch. Well played.

Ohgi: There. Now nobody can say that I'm not self-aware.

Lelouch: I take it all back, Ohgi. Well done.

Kallen: I'm just wondering who had 'The Taint, the Grunge'...

Schala: That one was mine.

Duran: On the first card? Really?

Schala: What can I say? *stretches* I had a very good night last night.

Suzaku: And with that bit of too much information, it looks like Duran's up next.

Duran: Alright, let's see here... *draws a black card* 'Man, this is bullshit! Fuck _____!'

Schala: Alright, alright... I think I got this one...

|Man, this is bullshit! Fuck ____!|

|Geese| ---- |Dem Titties| ---- |Britannia| ---- |A micropig in a raincoat and booties| ---- |edjumacation| ---- |ejaculation on an altar boy| ---- |tube feeding your own shit|

Kallen: Oh god, those last two...

Elly: Yeah! Fuck ejaculation on an altar boy!

Suzaku: I got better things to do!

*laughter*

Sephiroth: Gee, I wonder who put in Brittania?

Lelouch: Kallen.

Kallen: Don't even start.

Lelouch: Kallen. Don't lie.

Kallen: Oh, you are so getting throttled tomorrow. >_<

Lelouch: So... fuck edjumacation. Story of your life, huh Duran?

Duran: Yeah yeah, piss off, heard it before. You know what? Fuck 'em! Fuck dem titties! I'm gonna fuck dem titties, and she's gonna like it! *picks |Dem Titties|*

(Score: Schala Zeal +1)

Duran: Told you! XD

Schala: Thank you, sir. Can I have another?

*laughter*

Suzaku: So, dem titties. Wow.

Schala: Dem titties.

Sephiroth: Yes, I remember the last Squae meeting you actually showed up to. Very impressive.

Schala: Aww, you're such a flirt.

Sephiroth: Don't make me get out the paddle, young lady. >.>

Schala: *kissy noises*

Ohgi: Uhh, you two need a room or something?

Elly: No, this has always been their routine whenever they get together.

Sephiroth: Yes, I'm sure her husband would not *ahem* appreciate any actual advancements on my part.

Schala: *sigh* Spoil-sport.

Suzaku: Alright, so who's up next?

*to be continued*

[skylark]

Schala: Well, I believe it's Mr. Kururugi's turn. Deal it in.

Suzaku: All right, let's see what we have here. |When _____ happened, that was the moment Kaname Ohgi lost his fucking mind.|

Lelouch: *tries and fails to hide his laughter*

Ohgi: ......

Schala: Wow, whoever made this pack really doesn't like you.

Ohgi: ...does it ever end?

Duran: Not according to 4chan.

Elly: XD

Ohgi: *facedesks*

Kallen: Don't feel too bad. If that R2 remake movie ever gets past the planning stages, the writers might actually pull your head out of your ass this time.

Sephiroth: That would be quite the achievement considering they were the ones who stuck his head up there to begin with.

Ohgi: *sigh*

As for the cards...

|When ____ happened, that was the moment Kaname Ohgi lost his fucking mind.|

|Warm velvety Muppet sex| --- |a convinently misplaced box of Pocky| --- |my dad's dumb fucking face| --- |getting your dick stuck in a chinese finger trap with another dick| --- |a vagina that leads to another dimension| --- |Government bribes| --- |Villeta Nu in a double-sided strap-on|

Suzaku: *laughing* Oh god, this is horrible...

Ohgi: ....why? D:

Lelouch: *laughing*

Schala: They're all so appropriate... XD

Sephiroth: I truly have no words for this.

Suzaku: *picks |Villeta Nu in a double-sided strap-on|*

(Score - Kallen +1)

Ohgi: D:

*laughter*

Sephiroth: Was that a blank card?

Kallen: Yes. XD

Lelouch: Well done, Q1. Well done. XD

Duran: Wow...

Kallen: I dare you to tell me it's not true. I dare you.

Elly: How long have you been waiting to call him out on that?

Kallen: Eight years.

Ohgi: Please tell me this isn't why you asked me here...

Kallen: No no no no. If I wanted to humiliate you, I would've looked for a bigger audience.

Ohgi: That... wasn't as reassuring as I hoped... =<

Elly: Well, looks like Schala's up.

Schala: Okay. Please be a good one...

(to be continued)

[skylark]

And so, the game continued... mostly off-screen, because the author is a lazy prat with attention deficit disorder, apparently.

Laughs were had, tears were shed, and everyone learned some rather surprising facts about their respective franchises.

Lelouch: We're getting a remake! And a sequel! Vindication at last!

Sephiroth: Welcome to the fold.

The current score ended up tied with Code Geass and Square Enix at two apiece, whith one more victory deciding the winner... and the final round would prove that Schala Zeal - of all people - would have what the young people would call "no chill".

Schala:

When will this tale reach its conclusion...?

...Damned if I know.

[skylark]

Elly: Okay, this is it. For all the marbles.

Lelouch: I will say this. It will be an honor to have your asses handed to you by me.

Suzaku: ...you do realize you could've gotten a lot more wins if you chose less overly intelligent answers and more of the vulgar ones, right?

Lelouch: ....

Kallen: Ooh, he's glaring. He's actually glaring.

Schala: Logical fallacy ftw.

Lelouch: I will reach through that screen and slap you silly, Kururugi.

Suzaku: Have to catch me first, stick.

Lelouch: Exercize nut... >_<

Duran: Can anyone else hear the yaoi fangirls exploding right now?

*laughter*

Ohgi: Alright, so who's the Card Tzar?

Schala: That would be Elly.

Sephiroth: You had best pick the correct answer.

Elly: Practicing for the remake?

Sephiroth: >.>

Elly: Alright, what do we have here.

*Elly draws the last black card of the game.*

Elly: "James was a lonely boy. But when he discovers a secret door in his attic, he meets a magical new friend: ______"

Duran: Alright, we got this.

Sephiroth: Hmmm...

Ohgi: Well, damn. I'm out. >_<

Kallen: Okay, this is pretty good.

Schala: *realizes she has a blank card* *snickers*

Lelouch: You okay there?

Schala: *trying to hold in her laughter* Fine. Just fine. XD

Suzaku: Do this. Do this.

Now, the cards were all set up. Some of them were good, some of them not so much... but there was one that stood out above all others. As such, none of the others would matter.

[ Anne Frank ]

Ohgi: What?!

Duran: No! No! XD

Kallen: What the hell?!

Elly: Wow.

Sephiroth: Hmmmm...

Elly: "James was a lonely boy. But when he discovers a secret door in his attic, he meets a magical new friend: Anne Frank".

Lelouch: Oh, goddammit.

*Elly immediately picks 'Anne Frank'.*

[Score: Schala Zeal +1]

[Winner: Square Enix]

Lelouch: Oh, goddammit! >_<

Schala: *laughs like a madwoman*

Ohgi: You... oh my god...

Kallen: *laughing* You evil bitch. XD

Sephiroth: Even I wouldn't have gone that far. Well done.

Duran: Tell me that was a blank card.

Schala: It was.

Duran: XD

Elly: Right now, I am both glad and terrified to know you.

Suzaku: No chill, Schala. No chill.

Schala: *finally calms down* Ohh, Roas is gonna kill me for that one.

Lelouch: *sigh* I abhor losing, but you have proven yourself a master. About the pot...

Schala: Just put it on my Paypal. I'll distribute it later.

Kallen: Good game. Seriously, good game.

Schala: So... wanna try for double or nothing next week?

Lelouch: No. I fear I may need to readjust my battle plan for our next encounter.

Suzaku: In other words, if it's not chess or some equivalent, he sucks at it.

Lelouch: I swear to me, Suzaku...

Ohgi: Wanna rephrase that? >.>

Lelouch: No.

*Black_King has logged out.*

Ohgi: I can never read that guy...

*Deputy_Commander has logged out.*

Duran: Alright, I'm out. Take it easy.

*Knight_of_Valsena has logged out.*

Sephiroth: This was... an experience. I may need a break from such things for a while.

Schala: Me love you long time. =<

Sephiroth: No. Be good, or you don't get a biscut.

Schala:

*OneWingedAngel01 has logged out.*

Kallen: Night guys.

*Red_Queen has logged out.*

Elly: That was fun. Now for a crapload of editing.

Schala: Be sure to get my good side.

*Van_Houten_Anima has logged out.*

Suzaku: Gotta say. That last one was pretty ruthless.

Schala: I had a good teacher... sort of... >.> *hears Reika sneeze from somewhere*

Suzaku: Seriously though. Good game.

Schala: Thanks. Say hi to Euphie for me.

Suzaku: Oh. Oh right. You two are in the same support group.

Schala: Tragic Princesses Anonymous. Yep. That reminds me. Tell her we got a new member the other day.

Suzaku: It's not anyone famous, is it?

Schala: No, what she's in isn't out yet.

Suzaku: Right, speaking of whom... I better get Euphie back home soon or Cornelia's gonna have my ass on a stake.

Schala: *nods knowingly* It's always the innocent selfless ones, isn't it? Night.

*White_Knight has logged out.*

*Zeal_Cutie_12k has logged out.*

Schala: ......well, now what should I do?

Reika: Schala! There you are! :3

Schala: 'Dammit Rune, you had ONE job!' D:

Reika: I'm lonely... =<

Schala: You're drunk.

Reika: That too. :3

Schala: Well... umm... *immediately barrels past Reika*

Reika: Hey, get back here! *hic*

*As Schala runs to escape her dogged admirerer, she finds Rune where she last saw her, eating a rather large and quite delicious-looking parfait. A bribe from Reika, no doubt.*

Schala: *mouthing as she runs past* Traitor.

Rune: *shrugs and continues eating her parfait*

Reika: Gimmeh smooches! > 3 <

Schala: I can't! I have a headache! D:

Reika: Love meeeeeh! :3

*END*