A Special Gift from Reika. (MST3K of MST3K Children of...)

[skylark]

(Please read the MST: Children of in the Library Blog first)

Reika: A fic inside of a fic within another fic? Who does that?

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: :3


In the not-too-distant future --
Next Sunday, A.D. --
There were some guys and gals,
Not too different from you or me.
They’d hang out at the mini-shrine motel,
Friends who knew each other really well;
Little did they know of the impending doom,
When Techno got too playful
And he locked them in a room.

Reika: For the most intense game of Spin the Bottle ever.

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: You're right. Considering the composition, it'd probably be closer to Russian Roulette. =<

“I'll send them Roas’ fanfic,
The one called CoE.
And they’ll have to sit and read it through,
Before I let them free.”
Now keep in mind they can't control
When the fanfic begins or ends,
But they can make sarcastic jokes
To entertain their friends.

Riffer roll-call:
Anon
Skylark
Solana
Zeroooooo!

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe
And other science facts,
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a MST,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater Children of . . ."


(Zero, Skylark, and Solana are sitting at a table in the lobby of the Mini-Shrine’s theater. Anon stands behind the snack bar in an orange and red uniform complete with paper hat.)

Zero: You know, I can’t believe Techno locked us in here.

Reika: And that's why you never mess with a guy's porn stash.

Skylark: Really, a guy who’s gone nuts on several occasions? You can’t believe he did it again?

Zero: All right. I can’t believe he did it without something forcing him into it.

Skylark: >raises an eyebrow<

Zero: All right! All right! The guy’s one grape short of a fruit salad.

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: Well, you should've thought of that before we sat down.

Solana: At least he should tell us how long we’re going to be in here.

Anon: >lazily from behind the counter< From what I gather you guys better get comfortable.

Everyone: >Groan!<

Zero: Can’t you do something? He’s your Avatar.

Reika: I don't remember ever seeing Techno with blue skin. I have seen him walk around naked when he thinks nobody's looking though, so one-out-of-two.

Solana: Wait, how do you know how long we’d be here?

(An image of Techno appears before the group)

Techno: Maybe I should answer that.

Skylark: No, maybe you should let us out before we kick your butt from here to next Sunday AD.

Techno: Lark, settle. I’m about to tell you what this is all about. I’m sure you’re all familiar with MST3K.

>all nod<

Solana: Oh no. You wouldn’t.

Zero: Dear god. You aren’t going to subject us to fanfiction.net are you?

Reika: Shots fired!

Techno: Nothing that bad, no. I’m going to make you riff something a little closer to home. Children of Eternity. But do it well, or I won’t let you out.

(The room begins shaking. Flashing lights and sirens go off. The doors to the theater swing open, revealing another door. That door swings open to reveal a large metal door. That door lowers like a draw bridge, revealing another wooden door. This door explodes, revealing a hatch with locking wheel. The wheel spins and opens, revealing . . .)


Children of Eternity


Prologue: Apocolypse Dawning

Reika: The lesser-known prequel of Apocalypse Now.


The Desert of Despair.

Zeal had only heard about it in legends. The stronghold of Evil in the Universe. A place where even nightmares feared to tread. And it was here she and her companions found themselves.

Reika: ...I know of an Eldrtich Horror who'd use this place as a summer home. Wanna try that again?

Black sands swirled from dune to dune on a wind that no one felt. Red clouds blanketed the sky, yet there was still light. Zeal shivered, clutching the hem of her lavender and white dress.

Solana: (as Zeal) Strange weather we’re having.

None of these things compared to what towered above them.

Everyone: (as Japanese) GODZIRRA! GODZIRRA!!

The dreaded Pyramid of Darkness, home to Cruatia, the High Goddess of Evil.

A jewel in the middle of darkness, the golden pyramid was anything but dark to the naked eye. Only one sensitive to the essence of the Universe could see the fathomless darkness surrounding the structure. To stare too long would usher a chance for the black aura to swallow one whole.

Skylark: Kind of like Mel Gibson when he’s drunk.

As one who had believed herself to be a god, Zeal’s mind continually refused to believe true gods existed. Proof, however, loomed over her. Her three companions seemed equally subdued, each one at one time believing themselves akin to ultimate power.

Reika: Fonzie, Jonie, and Chachi?

Skylark: Larry, Mo, and Curly?

Solana: Manny, Mo, and Jack?

Zero: The Legislative Branch, the Executive Branch, and the Judicial Branch?

Everyone:>Looks at Zero<

Zero: What?

Sephiroth, black jacket trailing in the sands, seemed at ease. His eyes, though, gave away the fear welling up within.

Delita, consumed by his own inner demons, still tried to convince himself he did not really belong with them. The murder of Cid “The Thunder God” said otherwise.

Reika: Yes, cause who gives a shit about Oveilia? His wife? Who he stabbed?

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: Considering how long the game's been out, I don't think that's a spoiler anymore.

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: You're no fun. >_<

And then there was Melfice. Once a part of a god himself, the dark knight seemed to be the only one willing to accept what was before them. Zeal could sense the now hornless man was eager for what their mysterious host had promised.

Everyone: Oooohh.

Power to defeat their enemies. Power to match the Atrades man and his companions.

Reika: >disappointed< Awww... =<

Zeal slowly smiled, her anxiety disipating.

Skylark: Not to mention dissipating.

The former Queen looked up at their guide, the pit fiend lord Arlinax. “Why keep our host waiting?”

“Indeed. We have waited here long enough,” said Melfice cooly.

Arlinax’s canine face showed no emotion. “Very well. The Master awaits.”

Zero (as Torgo): I loOk AftEr the plAcE while the MAster is awAy.

The demon lord pushed open the golden doors before them, leading the way inside.

The halls of the Pyramid were lined with torches, shedding a dim, yellow light across their path. Dark armored knights guarded passage ways leading deeper inside. The power within the halls was enough to nearly bring Zeal to her knees. Not even Lavos’s power running through the Black Omen had been so strong.

At last they arrived at two large golden doors inlaid with hyroglyphics depicting countless people bowing to a single woman surrounded in power.

Skylark: So what do those hieroglyphics say?

Solana: It’s the story of Hillary Clinton.

“Cruatia,” Zeal could not help but whisper.

Arlinax pushed the doors open to escort the foursome within. A pair of female guards clad in white loin cloths and golden breastplates and armed with s haleberds eyed them from just inside the doorway. Hyroglyphs covered the walls of the chamber, telling stories eons upon eons old.

Solana: All right, who’s been writing on the walls again?

Skylark: And in hieroglyphs.

The center of the chamber was dominated by a large pool. Bubbling within its confines was the most foul looking water Zeal had ever seen.

Reika: Still cleaner than the toilet after one of Aryn's Atomic Burritos.

Zero: Woo. Hot tub!

Solana: Down, Zero

“The transmutation pool,” said a deep, raspy voice.

All heads looked past the pool to see their host seated in a golden throne whose back was a pair of open wings beneath a sun. “My mother amuses herself with it quite frequently.”

Zeal swallowed. “You refer to Cruatia.”

Skylark: No, Betty White.

The man chuckled while rising. He gestured to a sarcofigus engraved in the image of a beautiful woman standing next to the throne. “Very good, Zeal. Your knowledge extends farther than I had believed.”

Solana: (as Zeal) Did he just call me dumb?

Skylark: Well you can’t spell sarcophagus.

His all red eyes scanned them as he rounded the pool. “You must forgive her for not greeting you personally. Recent activities have forced her to sleep and regain her strength.”

Zero: Went on a little bender with mommy did you?

Skylark: Why do you think his eyes are so red?

“You have brought us to this hell for what?” asked Sephiroth. “To talk? Where is this power you promised us?”

Skylark: I have 500 batteries out back. They’re yours for $15 a piece.

“Indeed,” added Melfice. “Either come forward with it, or stop wasting our time.”

Reika: Ohhhhh, my...

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: I'm not apologizing. >.>

Giblet: >v<

Zeal shivered at his smile. Her foolish companions had no idea what they were dealing with. Only she was first beginning to realize herself. “Be quiet, you fools. We walk a thin line between life and death, here.”

“You would be wise to listen to her, gentlemen.” The man, hands clasped behind his back, moved directly between them and the pool. His long, black hair swayed in a windless breeze. “Knowing one’s place in the food chain is essential to survival.”

Sephiroth huffed, flipping his chin up. “I was a god, once. I know where I stand on your food chain.”

Solana: At the bottom?

Skylark: (as Sephiroth) Right.

“You were nothing but a mutation that could have been spawned from this pool,” the man replied. “A single sword and the pure life essence of a planet were enough to defeat your schemes.”

Reika: It's a step ahead of Joffery, so at least there's that going for you.

Sephiroth was a blur as he drew his katana and charged. It was then that Zeal noticed their host’s left arm. She had assumed its pigmintation was simply an onyx black, but as Sephiroth charged it began to ripple. Half a dozen black tendrils suddenly lashed out to bind Sephiroth in mid strike.

Zero: So he’s a Tentacle monster? Didn’t know it was that kind of fic.

Solana: Zero!

Their host gestured slightly, causing the tendrils to drive Sephiroth into the ground. Zeal watched as her companion’s face began to go through different shades of blue.

Everyone: >whistles the Smurfs theme song<

“Understand your place, Sephiroth, and I promise you the world.” The white haired man nodded vigorously, and the tendrils retracted. “Good. Does anyone else desire to test their limits? If you wish, I could actually use something other than a tool to demonstrate my power.”

Zero: OH MY GOD! IT IS ONE OF THOSE FICS.

Solana: >hits Zero leaving a large bump on his head< Let’s have none of that.

He moved to stand over Delita. “You are unusually quiet, Delita. You are not one to follow so easily. Do you not have anything to say to me?”

Delita met his red eyes unflinchingly. “Power is supreme. I know when it is time to follow, rather than rule.”

Reika: As opposed to when it's time to spit, rather than swallow?

Giblet: *clucks frantically*

Reika: :3

The man moved back to stand before all of them. Sephiroth had regained his footing to stand beside Melfice. “Vengeance fuels you all, as it does me in many ways. Twenty years ago, the Legendary Warriors thwarted my attempt to rule this Universe. Having been newly awakened to his Galadinean heritage, Roas Atrades sealed me away in Oblivion, believing me defeated.”

Skylark: You were sealed away in Oblivion. That’s pretty much a defeat any way you slice it.

“I have returned.” He raised his right fist, clenching it tightly. “I shall shatter this Universe and not only bring about the fullfillment of my destiny, but take revenge upon my enemies.”

Solana: But first, a nap.

He opened his fist to point at them. “Those who follow me will

Skylark: get a BRAND NEW CAR!

Solana and Zero: Oooohhhhh! Aaaaahhhhh!

be spared and stand by my side to rule the New Universe I will create. I see a great potential in the four of you. I offer you unlimited power to serve me and obliterate our mutual enemies.”

“All you must do is submit.”

Zero: Submit what?

Skylark: A driver’s license, paycheck stub, and a cash down payment.

One by one, the four dropped to one knee. Zeal was the first to speak. “We pledge our allegience to you, Harbinger of Apocolypse, and accept the gifts you offer.”

“Our enemies will fall before your might,” added Melfice.

“None shall be spared,” said Sephiroth.

Zero: (as Sephiroth) Asshole.

Skylark: (as the Harbinger) What?

Zero: (as Sephiroth) Nothing.

“Your power will stand above all others,” finished Delita.

The Harbinger nodded and a goblet appeared in front of each of them. “Now drink and open yourselves to my blessings.”

There was momentary hestitation by all, but soon each of them drank the saltly liquid to the last drop.

Zero: Eew I told you it was that kind of fic!

Solana: Zero! >hits him on the head again<

Skylark: Maybe it was just Darkspawn blood.

Reika: Lark, baby, Darkspawn blood doesn't have that extra-salty flavor to- Ow!

Giblet: >pecks Reika, giving a few more for good measure<

Reika: Alright, alright! I get your point. Stuffy. =<

For several tense seconds, Zeal stood motionless. Then the pain struck, racing through her body like lightning. It seared her veins, boiled her blood, and threatened to destroy her very being. It did not take long for her to realize she was screaming from the pain, as were her companions. Beyond the tormented wails, she could hear the Harbinger speaking.

Solana: (as the Harbinger) Ha ha! Gotcha! I can’t believe you all actually drank that.

Reika: Paging Dr. Carter. Dr. Carter to the ER. >.>

“Drink of myself and be changed by the power that flows into you.”

Zero: Eew! I was ri-!

Solana: >hits Zero leaving another bump<

Skylark: Zero’s going to be dead by the time we finish this.

Reika: I call dibs on his DS.

Black energy suddenly surrounded each, lifting the four shrieking souls off the ground. Zeal could feel herself changing into something far beyond her comprehension.

“Know now that you are my Four Horsemen, servents of the Harbinger of Apocolypse...”

“Rasha.”

Skylark: Took him long enough to introduce himself.
Zero: My head hurts.

Solana: Be careful what you say and your head won’t hurt as much.

Skylark: Let’s get out of here.

Reika: Well, what did you think?

Giblet: *clucks questioningly*

Reika: That would make you never want to read again. Considering this fic though, that would be a improvement. D'ohohohohoho! *Giblet cluck-laughs with her*

-----------

....I'll see myself out. >.>

[skylark]

Chapter 1: End to Beginning

Reika: As opposed to End to End? *waggles eyebrows*

Giblet: *clucks warningly*

Reika: =<

Solana: Where did he come up with that title?

A Tournament of Heroes...

That is what it had been called.

Many heroes from worlds across the Universe had either entered or witnessed the event.

Reika: But... but I wasn't there! Rude! :X

Skylark: Oh. Techno was there too.

Solana: Ouch.

Skylark: He kidnapped us.

Solana: Good point.

Heroes they may have been, but nothing was spared in the battles that followed. Combatants fought shedding blood, sweat, and tears in equal portions in order to be recognized as elite among their peers. In the end, a single team had won this right.

It had been his team.

Skylark: The bastard.

Roas Atrades stood in the center of the battlefield that had recently been home to a level of violence that one would not expect

Solana: Until the Black Friday.

Reika: Or any soccer game in Europe.

from those calling themselves heroes. Of course, those battles had been nothing compared to what had transpired after the champions were crowned.

Zero: Nobody panic, but we have run out of nachos.

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Reika: *burp* My bad. =<

A warm breeze slightly rustled his loose, black pants and sleeveless shirt. His assorted weapons, including the Glaive, sat at his feet with his Glaive Medallion around his neck. Victory of two kinds had been his this day,

Zero: A win for his team and a healthy bowel movement.

Solana: Zero, that’s disgusting.

Zero: At least it wasn’t sexual.

although, to look into his left blue eye and right green one you would not see any form of joy.

Reika: She had to return to Kanto, and she took Squirtle with her.

The final battle against R’as Tamano had been a brutal one on more than just a physical level. During a final attempt to seize victory, R’as has linked his own life force to Roas. In response, the Galadinean had attacked his opponent’s already disturbed mind.

Skylark: Like his was so much better.

This had forced him to relive almost all the most painful moments in his lifetime.

Faces...

Feelings...

Zero: That romance at summer camp when Roas was 12. His name was . . . Gary.

Skylark: Wow.

Solana: >snickering< Okay, I’ll give you that one.

All of them were a chaotic swirl in his mind.

Reika: I prefer chocolate and vanilla. Maybe Neopolitan if I'm feeling frisky.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath through his nose. The wind picked up, shifting the layers of his short cut, dark blond hair.

Skylark: Boy, that’s one hell of a breath.

He opened his eyes, looking slightly to his left. “How much longer are you going to stand there?”

“The last are getting ready to leave,” replied Valius Atrades, his older brother and bearer of the Genesis Rune of Soul. “Some of them want to say their good-byes to you.”

Roas chuckled, no mirth discernable in his tone. “What does it matter? Most of their memories will be wiped as soon as they leave. They won’t remember I exist until the next Tournament.”

Zero: Emo alert!

Valius moved to stand beside him. He was just as tall, with similar features. His long, dark blond hair and red gold robes were also moved by the wind. Valius’s blue eyes were filled with concern for his sibling. “Nothing good will come from dwelling on the past like this.

Skylark: He’s Roas Atrades, user of the Time Rune. He can dwell on whoever’s past he pleases.

We have faced much pain, brother, and we can only hope to do our duties by keeping it in the right place.”

Reika: Preferebly that area in between your lungs and colon. You know the one.

Giblet: *shakes head*

Skylark: >smirking< Right, because if your duties are not done in the right place, the whole place gets messy.

Solana: Skylark, not you too.

Roas leveled a flat glare at the mage. “Don’t talk to me like one of your students. How I deal with my pain is my own business.”

Skylark: Unless it partially leads to a huge adventure that involves hundreds if not thousands of others including some of your closest friends, but what are the chances of that?

Valius placed a hand on his left shoulder. “I’m worried about you, Roas. Before your battle with R’as you exuded inner peace and calm. Now, you are surrounded by your own personal demons and making no move to contain them.”

Zero: There goes one now.

Solana: Laharl?

Reika: Give Azreal a couple of minutes, he'll take care of that.

“I said...” Roas cut himself off, lowering his head. “I miss her. I haven’t thought abut her like this in years. Opening up the memories against R’as reminded me how...empty I feel sometimes.”

Valius’s hand tightened. “I see.” His own gaze drifted behind them. “You are not alone, Roas. Your friends and family are all around you. We always have been. There is no guilt in finding solace within that circle.”

Skylark: (as Valius) And if you don’t like the circle, we’ve got a square that will knock your socks off.

Roas’s eyes rose slowly to meet his brother. At first there seemed to be anger behind his gaze, but it soon transformed into weariness. “We were only together once, during the Second Chaos War in the Old World.” He moved away from Valius a few steps. “We were lonely and afraid of the coming battle.”

He looked back. “It was nothing more than release, for both of us.”

Zero: Detail, man. We need details!

Solana: >Smacks Zero over the head<

Zero: Anyone get the license plate?

Valius nodded ever so slightly. “I’d think on those words, brother. Words are only tantamount to sand. Truth lies deeper in the earth.” The mage raised his crystal right arm, extending the index finger. “Emotions can mask themselves in other emotions, for loneliness is a two way road.”

Skylark: (as Valius) Hideous bumbling footsteps creaking along the misty corridors of time. And in those corridors I see figures. Strange figures. Weird figures.

Roas did not turn to watch his brother leave.

_____

“That’s one.”

“Two.”

“And...three.”

Everyone: >singing< Times a lady.

Techno flipped the last switch, powering down the shields he had around the arena to keep out unwanted guests. Grinning to himself, the technomage leaned back in his chair, contentedly gazing at the monitors and switchboards he had constructed to help police the Tournament. “It feels good to be The Man.”

Skylark: What would Techno know about being a “Man?”

Zero and Solana: Oooouch!

“Men are inherently flawed thanks to their genitalia.” The slightly nasal voice nearly sent Techno flying from his chair.

Reika: .....you've never been to Zilrand, have you lady? You'll never say that again once you see 'uterus envy' first-hand.

He jumped to his feet, straitening his white shirt. “Geez, Washu! How did you sneak up on me?”

Solana: (as Washu) Like this. >Starts creeping around<

The diminutive, twenty thousand year old red head smiled sweetly at him.

Zero: Redhead? After twenty thousand years I’d be surprised if the curtains still matched the drapes.

Solana: >Clobber’s Zero taking out a whole row of seats<

Reika: ....down in front! And learn how to not put an apostophy on 'clobbers'!

Skylark: And there goes Zero’s memories of third grade.

“Well, I am the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe.” She strolled over and poked him hard in the chest. “And that’s Little Washu.”

Techno rubbed his chest. “Right. Little.” He watched as she began poking around his room.

Solana: (as Washu) Poke.

Skylark: (as Techno) Hey.

Solana: (as Washu) Sorry.

“So...what are you doing down here? I thought you were leaving with all the others?”

Washu had somehow already opened up one of the switchboard panels and was currently fiddling with some wires. “A little primitive, but a good idea.” She leaned back to look at him with her feline green eyes. “I wanted to take a look at your system before I went home.

Zero: (as Techno) Buy me dinner first and we’ll talk.

Solana: You really want to test me again?

Zero: . . . no.

It has a lot of potential that I want to improve on.”

Techno stepped forward, pushing the panel back down. “It’s not primitive, Wa...Little Washu. It only looks that way. The machine half is merely the foundation. All other functions are preformed by magic.”

Washu barked out a laugh. “Magic? Please! What you people seem to call magic is only a manipulation of the elements by ultra-psychic abilities that make it look magical.”

Skylark: Right. Magic

“You have got to be kidding me,” said Techno as he folded his arms. “After everything you have seen here, you actually can stand there and say magic does not exist?”

Washu raised an eyebrow. “Science is fact. Magic is illusion. Prove me wrong.”

Techno smiled. “Light Hawk Wings.”

Zero: (as a banjo) Bada dan dan dan dan dan dan dan.

Washu’s arrogant grin was suddenly replaced by a frown. Techno could almost hear the genius’s mental CPU humming. “Manipulation of matter, not magic.”

Solana: (as a banjo) Bada dan dan dan dan dan dan dan.

Techno raised a finger. “But we have seen items created out of thin air. That denotes creation of matter, which must be magic.”

Zero: (as a banjo) Bada dan dan dan dan dan dan dan.

“Wrong!” Washu thrust her finger in his face. “Matter cannot be created or destroyed. Basic science. Light Hawk Wings merely change matter or convert it from other forms.”

Solana: (as a banjo) Bada dan dan dan dan dan dan dan.

Techno could not help the grin forming on his face. It was going to be fun proving to her magic existed. Not to mention it would be something to brag about to the rest of the Brotherhood. He quickly produced several of his techno-magic inventions from his pockets.

“Okay, Washu. Round Two.”

Zero: (as a banjo) Bum bumbum bumbum bum bum bum.

Solana: (as a banjo) Bumbum bum bum bum bum.

Skylark: Dueling banjos. Nice.

Reika: Now to stuff the pig. Where's Azreal?

_____

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: I know it looks like dinner, but it's not. >.>

Giblet: *clucks sadly*

It was the strangest parking lot Skylark had ever seen. Everything from airships to trained monsters were scattered all over the designated area outside the arena.

Skylark: What a time to lose my Valet slip

In front of Skylark’s group was the transformed Ryo-Ohki in all her battleship glory, while behind them sat the Dragonship Destiny. What made the black seraph really swallow hard were the two massive dragons flanking them.

Reika: Umm... how do I deal with dragons again? Virgins chained to rocks, right? =<

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: You're right. I see no rocks around here. We're screwed! D:

On the right Roas’s three hundred fifty foot plus gold dragon Crom was curled up, presumably sleeping, and on the left was Valius’s goodly black dragon Calidor, who was equally as large.

Solana: Did he just call him fat?

“How much longer are we waiting for her?” Ryoko Hakubi was saying. The space pirate was pulling on Tenchi Masaki’s brown field jacket impatiently. “Look!” She pointed at other ships and creatures disappearing into the sky. “Everyone else is leaving.”

Zero: Right, meaning the roads are going to be jammed. Haven’t you ever been to a sporting event?

Skylark: What roads?

Zero: . . . shut up.

Ryoko was suddenly pushed aside as the Princess Ayeka Jurai moved herself in-between the pirate and Tenchi. “We cannot leave Miss Washu behind. It would not be proper.”

Ryoko shoved her right hand in Ayeka’s face, showing off her Championship Ring. “Proper would not have won me this, Princess.”

Zero: Woo. Cat fight!

Skylark: . . . Aren’t you going to hit him?

Solana: Sadly he’s not wrong.

Ayeka’s hand smacked away Ryoko’s. “Will you stop thrusting your paw in my face! I’ve seen your gaudy piece of jewelry ten times already.”

Zero: See “paw.”

Solana: Don’t push it.

Reika: .......I geddit! :3

Undaunted, Ryoko waved her hand in Ayeka’s face again. Taunts and teases were now starting to fly between the pair, which lead to everyone else ignoring them. Tenchi just sighed, trying to keep his attention on Skylark. “So, you sure you don’t want to come with us for dinner?” He glanced over at the arguing women. “We’d love the company.”

Skylark and Schala shared hesitant glances. “Uh, sorry Tenchi,” said Schala. “But we’re going to head home.”

Solana: Yeah. That’s the reason.

“That’s right.” All heads turned to see Magus silently stroll over. His cold eyes fell on Schala. “We are going home.”

Skylark: (as Jerry Seinfeld) Hello, Magus.

Zero: (as Neuman) Hello, Skylark.

Skylark groaned, slapping his forehead in the process. “Not this again.”

Schala leaned forward into her brother’s scowling face. “We’ve been over this, Janus. I’m not moving back to that drafty castle of yours. So you can just take that and shove it up your a...”

“Hey, Zero!” interrupted Skylark.

Zero, dirty blond hair disheveled and assorted clothing mussed, walked up with hands in pockets. “Hey, Lark.”

“So where have you been? Haven’t seen you since the second round?”

Zero: Well that’s a bit of a low blow, don’t you think

Magus answered instead. “He reeks of souls.”

Solana: Okay, I’ve been wanting to ask this for a while. What exactly do souls smell like?

Zero: Papaya.

Solana: Oh. I just thought that was your shampoo.

Everyone slowly turned to stare at Zero. “Oh, Zero,” Skylark said slowly with shame.

Eyes wide, Zero raised his hands. “What? I’m a soul stealer! What do you expect? They were just floating around out there. I mean, the bodies were dust. Where were they going to go?”

Skylark: The afterlife springs to mind.

Zero: Hey, do I knock your hobbies?

Heads were shaking with shame until Ryoko broke the silence by wrapping her arms around Tenchi’s neck. “Homeward bound we go!” Tenchi’s outcry was muted as she teleported them up to Ryo-ohki.

“Ryoko!” shouted Ayeka. “Ryo-ohki! Beam me up!”

Skylark: (as Scotty) I’m givin’ ‘er all she’s got, Captain, but if I push her any harder the whole thing will blow.

Ayeka vanished in a flash of red light. Soon the cabbit battleship was soaring up into the sky.

“MEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!”

Solana: Oops! I didn’t realize I was on your tail.

Skylark grinned at the disappearing ship. “That really needs to be settled.”

“Hey you guys!”

Reika: No, I'm not doing the Truffle Shuffle again! Go away! D:

Zero: What are they bringing back The Electric Company?

Skylark, Schala, Magus, and Zero turned to the Destiny. Luna and Lucia were waving at them from the deck. “Come on, we’re leaving,” Luna called out.

Schala, already moving, stopped and looked back at Skylark. “Aren’t you coming?”

He paused, staring at the arena. “I want to see Roas before we go. He hasn’t seemed right since the battle with R’as.”

Skylark: Since the battle?

He met Schala’s questioning eyes. “I think I should talk to him. I owe him that much.”

Schala waited a moment before finally smiling warmly. “We both owe him that much.” The princess turned back to the Destiny. “We’ll catch another ride home! See you guys later!”

Luna could clearly be seen frowning, but she waved farewell anyway. Soon the Dragonship’s engines came to life. Lucia read an incantation provided by their Galadinean hosts, which opened a portal back to Lunar. When the ship was gone, Skylark was surprised to see three figures standing in its place. “What the...”

Zero and Skylark: We’re the Warner Brothers.

Solana: And the Warner Sister

Hiro, Alex, and Monica Reybrandt casually walked over to them. “I think you missed your ride,” commented Zero.

“Nah,” said Monica, flipping her red ponytail over her shoulder.

“The girls think we’re all below deck,” added Alex.

Skylark: Great. They ditched their girlfriends. That won’t get them in trouble.

Solana: Speaking from experience?

Skylark ...

Reika: Oh, you have no idea. :3

Hiro was grinning broadly. “Home sounds a little too boring right now. Since we didn’t get to fight in the tournament at all, we’re all feeling a little antsy.” He spread his arms out. “With some of the people still hanging around here adventure is bound to come up sooner or later.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” muttered Magus as he passed them all. “The Black Wind is blowing, and I am not jesting this time.” Saying nothing further, the mage continued towards the nearest arena entrance.

Skylark: Now what did he mean by . . . Aww, he farted.

Everyone: Eeeew!

Magus’s words caused a new, disturbingly anxious feeling in Skylark’s stomach.

Skylark: It wasn’t his words.

“Is he right?” he asked Schala.

Skylark: No. Didn’t you smell that? What did he eat?

Zero: How come you’re not hitting him?

Solana: He’s earned a little leeway.

The princess shrugged. “I...I’m not sure. I don’t feel anything, but then Janus was always much more attuned to the darkness than I.”

Zero, walking between them, followed Magus. “No use standing around here. Hey, elf ears! Wait up.”

The remaining five looked at one another until Skylark finally spoke. “Let’s go see Roas.”

_____

Solana: Hey, look. A stick.

“Are you sure about this?” Kazyr asked nervously.

Zero: (as Ghaleon) Yeah, but it’s my first time, so be gentle.

Solana: ZERO! GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!

Zero: I can’t help it.

Ghaleon looked down at his fellow mage. “We were invited. I see no reason not to take him up on the offer.”

“He’s right,” agreed Rune. “We are only being polite.”

Reika: See, now that's my kind of 'polite'. :3

Giblet: *clucks warningly*

Kazyr rubbed the sides of his arms. “It’s just, this guy kreeps me out. I think it’s his eyes.”

Skylark: I think it’s that he uses a K instead of a C in the word “creep.”

Rune reached out to pat him on the shoulder. Next she looked back down the hall, still seeing no sign of their other party member. “Well, I see no reason to wait for Sadoul. He’ll show up when he’s ready.”

“Probably up to something we don’t want to know about anyway,” remarked Ghaleon under his breath, but Rune, smiling, managed to pick it up.

Skylark: (as Ghaleon) He’s right behind me isn’t he . . . Hi Sadoul.

Deciding not to wait, she knocked lightly on the door. “Come in,” said a man’s voice from within.

Rune carefully opened the door.

Zero: >girly scream<

Solana: Oops, sorry. Wrong room.

The room beyond was much larger than they had expected. For a viewing box it was quite elaborate. A window covered the entire East wall, giving a full view of the battlefield below. Burgundy colored carpeting covered the floor from wall to wall, and a fifteen foot dining table dominated the center of the room. Two silver inlaid porceline vases were filled with yellow roses, and what Rune believed to be a sylistrium candelabra bearing ten lit candles.

Beyond the table was a set of six fine, black leather chairs positioned in a semi-circle in front of the mirror. Standing between them, gazing down at the battlefield, was the room’s host.

They knew him only as Legus, leader of the Legendary Warriors and bearer of the Genesis Rune of Heaven.

Solana: But by night he was the fearsome masked crime fighter known only as The Silver Streak.

Long, silver hair fell nearly to his waist, over a black and cerulean robe. “Welcome, guests,” he said in an even tone. Legus turned to smile and take the trio in with his completely golden eyes.

Rune bowed her head slightly. “We were honored, if not a little surprised, to receive your invitation for dinner.”

Skylark: (as Legus) Hope you guys like hot dogs, nachos, and burgers. We have over two hundred cases of each to use up before it goes bad.

Legus, still smiling, extended a hand to the table. “Do not be surprised. It is the least I can do for one who has so graciously put up Roas at that Shrine of yours. The man can be quite...irascible.”

Skylark: Preaching to the choir. He’s right behind me, isn’t he?

Rune’s eyebrows raised in surprise as she seated herself at the table. “He’s usually one of our calmer residents when he stays with us. In fact, he usually pays his way by keeping the peace while there.”

Legus seated himself at the head of the table while laughing. “Clearly there must be two Roases running around our Universe, again. I’ve known him since he was a teenager, and the man makes a habit of solving every problem with his swords instead of words.” His laughter became more subdued. “Perhaps age is mellowing him.”

Zero: Or the valium we keep slipping him.

Skylark: Shhhh. We all agreed not to talk about that.

Reika: .......knew I forgot to do something today. =<

Ghaleon, to Rune’s right, sipped from a goblet of wine. “I must admit, he has been solving problems with sword instead of word, lately.”

Legus nodded, sipping from his own goblet as well. “Then perhaps things are not so different.”

Rune felt a faint breeze of power, and a group of servants entered the room bearing the first course of soup. She thanked the server before continuing the conversation. “I must say that I am slightly awed to meet you, sir. I have witnessed Roas’s power up close for several years now, and I never believed that he followed the orders of another.”

“Please, call me Legus.”

Solana: (as Rune) As opposed to?

Skylark: (as Legus) Andre . . . don’t ask.

He tasted the soup before adding some spice. “And I would not quite say I am Roas’s leader.” Legus placed his spoon on the lip of the bowl before resting his chin on folded hands. “True, at one time he didn’t act without my go ahead, but that was a very long time ago.”

Solana: Two weeks at least.

“But are you not the leader of the Legendary Warriors?” asked Kazyr. Rune could tell the white haired mage was starting to relax.

“Only by circumstance,” replied Legus. “I was simply the one who resurrected the Warriors at the appropriate time. Aside from Ninya, I had the most knowledge of what they were, and at the time I was indeed the most powerful among us.”

Zero: (as Legus) And I’m humble too.

Ghaleon leaned forward. Rune noticed he had not touched his soup. “You are a demi-god, though.”

Legus’s mouth crooked into a half grin. “Indeed, my friend. Hundreds of years of power acquisition has raised me to the level of demi-god, but when one of my own people is the leader of a race of god slayers, where does that put me?”

Zero: New York, New York?

Skylark: (as Legus) No.

Solana: Boston, Massachusetts?

Skylark: (as Legus) No.

Zero: Well, if you’re not in New York or Boston, you must be someplace else. If you are someplace else you can’t be here.

Skylark: (as Legus) Then who is eating this soup?

Ghaleon actually smiled. “Touché.”

Rune slowly ate her soup, very interested in the discussion. The soup’s sweet, fruity flavor rolled down her tongue as her thoughts briefly drifted to Sadoul.

Zero: (as Rune) “I wonder how Sadoul tastes.”

Solana: >hits Zero over the head<

Zero: Ouch! That wasn’t a sex joke. That was a cannibal joke.

Solana: Oh. Sorry.

“I wonder where he is?” she said out loud.

As if he had been waiting for it, Sadoul, cape flapping angrily behind him, burst into the room. Rune was about to admonish him, but the fire mage spoke first.

“Look what I found snooping around.” He tossed a figure held in his right hand down between them.

Skylark: An original Star Wars C3PO still in box!

Rune rose from her chair, shaking her head. “Alis, what are you doing up here?”

Alis, brown locks hanging down in front of her eyes,

Solana: And the keys for those locks hanging out of her pocket.

smiled sheepishly up at her. “I can...explain?”

“This should be good,” huffed Sadoul.

Solana: (as Alis) You see, you put the key in the lock and turn it and then the lock comes off.

Zero: It’s not the only thing that come off.

Solana: ZERO!

“Quiet, Sadoul,” Rune said sharply. She looked back down at the girl. “Well?”

Solana: No. Indoor plumbing actually

Alis slowly got to her feet. Her orange and yellow tunic was smudged with dirt from Sadoul’s rough handling, and her baggy, red pants had a tear at the left knee. “I just wanted to see what was going on!” she said excitedly. Her left hand shot out to point at Legus. “This guy bosses Roas around! That must make him the strongest in the world!”

Reika: *snorts* Buddy, compared to what I've seen, I think even Giblet is stronger than Legus.

Giblet: *clucks nervously* >.>... <.<... >.>...

“No one is stronger than me!” a voice shouted from somewhere.

“Shut up, Hao!” Alis screamed. “Go home!”

Skylark: Is it just me or did that just some out of nowhere.

Zero: I’m not schizophrenic; and neither am I.

Rune, sighing heavily, turned to Legus apologetically. “I am so sorry, Legus. Alis is a new resident at my Shrine. She is young with still much to learn.”

Solana: But she does do one hell of a ventriloquism act.

Legus, however, seemed to be oblivious to them all. His face had gone quite pale. There was no real way to tell, but Rune swore she saw fear in his eyes.

“Something is very wrong,” breathed the demi-god.

Reika: *as Legus* Somebody ate the last Oreo! D:

_____

Solana: SNAKE! Oh never mind.

Wardon, Legendary Warrior of the Bow of Hope and bearer of the Genesis Rune of Life, stopped in mid stride, slowly wiping a hand over his bald head.

Skylark: So is he old enough to be considered a gray Wardon.

Zero: I dunno, but you’d think the guy with such a connection to life could grow some hair.

Shortly before Roas’s match, he had decided to take a walk outside the arena. The walk had turned into a hike, which out of old habits became a patrol of the entire area around the arena grounds.

Zero: (as Wardon) I t’ink I’m lost.

Solana: How can you tell?

Zero: (as Wardon) Well, I been lost before and t’is is what it looks like.

Thanks to soldiers Roas had brought with him, and that Techno fellow’s perimeter defenses, there was little to worry about. Wardon, however, was an old soldier who had to make sure things were all right with his own eyes.

Zero: Then give himself a medal for doing so.

Skylark: That’s only if he’s an officer.

After a while the area truly looked to be devoid of anything remotely threatening. There were several bursts of power from the direction of the arena, which told him that someone was either dead or damn near death.

Which meant the Rune of Life was going to be needed. “Damn Roas for promising I would resurrect people.”

Skylark: (as Wardon) I’ll kill him, then I’ll res-or maybe not. That will teach him.

He had only walked a few feet before a dark mist rolled over the ground. Wardon had been around long enough to know trouble when it found him.

Zero: Okay, for the record, you don’t have to have been around very long to know that if DARK MIST rolls in something bad is happening.

Slowly, he unclipped his axe from his belt, its crystal phoenix pommel glinting in the earily fading light. He touched the Bow medallion hanging from his neck, which created the Hope Armor on his body.

His eyes darted back and forth frantically as four figures rose up from the mist to surround him. Four sets of glowing eyes bore into him. The Bow of Hope slide from his shoulder into his left hand, but he already knew they were too close to make use of the Weapon.

Skylark: What a smart thing to do. This weapon is of no use, might as well use it.

Things became decidedly worse as each one brandished a weapon, all of which glowed with a power unlike anything Wardon has felt in twenty years. This power was almost like the Bow’s, yet...dark. Wardon raised his axe, preparing for what was coming.

“There is no hope, Wardon,” said a chillingly familiar voice from all around him. “Not even the Rune of Life can save you.”

Reika: *as Wardon* Well, what about the Rune of Yahtzee?

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: ........I really need to get another person up here. >_<

Wardon swallowed hard, head whipping back and forth searching for the owner of the voice. “This isn’t possible!”

Solana: (as the voice) It’s not? Well damn. Come on guys, let’s go.

Zero and Skylark: Grumble grumble.

The four figures converged on Wardon with their Master’s laughter echoing all around them.

_____

Solana: All right, who cracked the page?

Ninya Beatura, wielder of Galadine and bearer of the Genesis Rune of Chaos,

Zero: Of course she can only wield it during that special time of the m->wham<

Solana: Finish that sentence and die. Remember how many powerful females are here.

Zero: Shit!

watched pensively as Valius tried to talk to Roas. “We could be here a while,” said one of her companions.

Oblik, her replacement as Legendary Warrior of Ultima and now bearer of the Genesis Rune of Strength, stood there with his hands folded behind his head. One would not know to look at the small thief, but this man with raggedy, uncut dark hair, a misshapen goatee, and mismatched brown trousers and bright green tunic with flowery imprints...was in fact half dragon.

Skylark: Almost sounds more like Richard Simmons.

“You know Roas,” added Vathos Ironfist, Legendary Warrior of Man o War and bearer of the Genesis Rune of Death. He was completely clean shaven except for the small, brown topknot at the apex of his skull. “Every few years he gets in a mood.”

Zero: Ninya knows what that’s . . . you know what? I’m going to shut up.

Solana: He can learn.

Reika: Not for long.

Ninya glared at the two men. “You two are not helping.”

Vathos grinned boyishly. “You seem awfully concerned, Ninya?”

Skylark: (as Vathos) Ninya’s got a boyfriend, Ninya’s got a boyfriend.

She quickly grabbed the large man by the front of his black vest, pulling him down several inches to her eye level. “Don’t make me hurt you.” She released him with a shove. “Go find your brother and headbutt each other til one of you manages a thought.”

Reika: Gotta kickstart the hamsters somehow.

“Hey.” Oblik was pointing out on the field. “Here comes Valius.”

Ninya quickly turned around. The elder Atrades’ face did not herald good news. “So?”

Valius shook his head. “The battle with R’as has brought back a lot of painful memories. He is refusing to talk about it beyond that.”

A shallow pit began forming in Ninya’s stomach. Her relationship with Roas was, if anything, strange. She had watched him grow up from a hotshot swordsman to stand tall as one of this Universe’s greatest heroes. And just as he had changed, so had her feelings for him over those many years. Disdain for his reckless behavior had become trust for a companion. Wariness of his emotional responses to situations had transformed into reliance on his friendship.

Reika: Daily horror of his eating habits transformed into a nightly TV binge with a tub of Haagen Dazs.

And after both had suffered deep, painful tragedies her eons of loneliness had been filled by...

Zero: Heh heh.

Solana: Zero!

Zero: I didn’t say anything.

Solana: You thought it.

Love.

Ninya had tried to deny it for years, but at some point she had fallen in love with Roas. Unfortunately, she knew well how much Roas dwelled on the past, which continually kept him from reopening his heart to anyone.

“Stubborn ass.” Ninya pushed past Valius towards Roas.

Zero: Agreed.

Skylark: Here here!

Solana: You know he’ll be waiting when we’re done.

If the Galadinean saw her coming, he made no move to acknowledge the approach. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Zero: From what I can tell he’s just standing there.

“Go away, Ninya.”

She moved into his line of sight. “What? So you can stand here and sulk? You just won an important battle. If you had not stopped R’as, who knows what might have happened?”

Skylark: R’as would have won.

Zero: That is usually how these things work.

His different colored eyes looked into her brown ones. What were usually bonfires of life and emotion were blank. “Someone else, probably you, would have finished the job.” His gaze drifted away. “I’m tired, Ninya. All the fighting I do brings nothing but pain and suffering.”

Solana: Not to mention profits to the Shrine whenever we run a tournament.

A brief sheen crossed his eyes. “People lose too much.”

Reika: *imitates the Worl'd Tiniest Violin*

Zero: Mainly those who placed bets on R’as.

Ninya could not believe what she was hearing. Before she knew it her hands had cupped his face, turning it to hers. “It’s all in the past,” she said in the warmest voice she could manage. “The wars, the tortures,” she paused, “...Alias.”

Roas shook his head free, stepping to the left. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Ninya kept moving to stay in front of him. “She’s been dead for twenty years, Roas. I was there, it was not your fault.”

Roas raised his head sharply, a fresh rage now burning in his eyes. “I could have stopped it. I had the power.”

Solana: Ladies and Gentlemen the part of He-Man tonight will be played by Roas Atrades.

Skylark: (as Roas) By castle Greyskull!

Ninya opened her mouth to respond, but her words never had a chance to be spoken.

The far side of the arena suddenly exploded, sending a wave of dust and debris in all directions.

Skylark: And all from her opening her mouth?

Solana: Don’t mess with an angry woman.

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: Damn straight.

Both warriors stood their ground, unmoved by the dust storm or the shockwave of the explosion. They only moved when a misshapen object came flying from beyond the dust wall to land at their feet.

Reika: *as Rasha* Bunny! Ball Ball!

Roas was the first to stand over it, grimacing. “It looks like the remains of a body.”

Ninya peered down, realizing instantly what, no...who it was. “That’s not a body,” she said in a hoarse whisper.

“It’s Wardon.”

Skylark: (as Wardon) I’m not dead.

Zero: He says he’s not dead.

Solana: Who you gonna believe. A Galadinean or him?

Zero: Good point.

Skylark: (as Wardon) I don’t want to go on the cart.

Giblet: *clucks*

Reika: I don't blame Wardon. He managed to get out while he could. Dohohohohohoho~! *Giblet cluck-laughs*