Oh, How Things Change

[Ambrienne]

There will eventually be more here later (or in a subsequent post if someone replies before I get around to it), but I'm too tired at the moment. March 2, 12:45 am (CT) R.I.P Dad. Try looking up George Secor together with accordion on YouTube, and maybe you'll cry along with me.

The following day, I was beginning to clean up trash, etc. Got 5 bags of clothes to donate and got those over to the church. Got another five bags to trash (the church said I could use their dumpster to help speed up cleaning/consolidating the household stuff). In between those two things, I stopped to have a Subway sub and took the other half home. While carrying one of the lighter bags (though still bulky), I somehow missed the second to last step on the way down to the front door. I fell on top of the trash bag, but the foot that was still on that step bent backwards and I sprained my ankle. Yep, go me. I can be clumsy carrying nothing at all (though not usually on steps since I can see my feet and try to pay attention). And, of course, what did I do? Immediately put my foot up? No, I packed those trash bags in the car and drove over to church to throw them in the dumpster. I did roll the rest of the bags down the stairs instead of carrying them, though.

Here's where the sprain gets really 'fun'. Due to the way I was trying to avoid walking on it, the backs of my knees started hurting. I even got my dad's cane out and had it along just in case. The doorbell rang when I had my laptop open and my feet up in the chair that I normally sleep in. I didn't get up, because there's no way I could get to it in time. Then, I get a call about a flower delivery... Two more trips up and down the stairs when he finally swung by again. Now I was starting to have trouble getting out of my chair and I actually had the cane with me. Those chairs with the extra cushy arms? Not so good for getting leverage to get out when you're avoiding putting pressure on one of the feet.

The last straw was when I went to the bathroom a little after midnight. I couldn't get up at all. I tried several times, but my knees were having none of it. Good thing I started carrying the cordless phone around the house that my dad had finally gotten functional when we upgraded our internet/phone last month. So who you gonna call? 911? No, I called the pastor. He told me how to roll off without aggravating things further. I inched myself down the hallway back to the freaking stairs, slid my way down most of them and used the leverage I got from gripping the base of the bannister on the one side and the wall that separates the upper floor from the entryway to get to my feet again. At least standing wasn't hurting.

I passed the time 'til morning not sleeping all that well, because the chair I had to move to (and knew for sure I could get out of) is a lot less plush and the way it reclines just isn't the same. Not to mention that I couldn't use the same blanket setup as usual, because the foot/ankle wasn't liking the weight on it. Of course, the fact that I had to leave the front door unlocked overnight didn't exactly prove conducive to sweet dreams, either.

I didn't eat breakfast (or drink much water), because of the whole toilet thing. I wasn't about to sit down there again no matter what. The pastor brought me over to an urgent care place (I also gave him my now spare set of house keys since Dad sure didn't need them, and I could at least avoid the potential of having a 'break down the door' situation), and we got that taken care of, making sure it was really a sprain (it was, thank God), and when he dropped me back off home, he was kind enough to go out and get me a toilet seat lifter. Who knew that five inches could make such a difference? It does, it really does in my bathroom when your knees are temporarily checked out of action.

There's more drama as well as more awesome stuff, too, but... like I said, I'm tired.

[Solana]

(Hug) That sucks. All of it, especially together. It sucks so damn much.

[Ambrienne]

Well, I'm still tired, in some ways, but I guess I'll try to say a little more. The past few years have been filled with, well, insanity I guess. Not that there were no good times, but the nutty stuff tends to leave deeper impressions with me.

Like the first time I had to help my dad change a colostomy barrier. ::twitches:: If you have ever seen what passed for 'instructions' inside some of these boxes... Unclear pictures with vague wording does not make for confidence let alone competence. Basically, the instructions only make sense if you already know what you're doing. And, if you do, you don't need the instructions. Funny, it's seems like a lot of life is like that. Anyway...

During these years, I've been to at least three accordion conventions. Two in Texas, one in the Chicago area. I do not consider the conventions themselves bright spots. Sure, the first two (one of the Texas and the Chicago area one) were reasonably so as far as Dad was concerned. As for me, I am not very comfortable around people, especially strangers. That may be a bit of an understatement. I also do not like driving, even more so when I don't know where I'm going. It would not be an exaggeration to say that I was thanking God emphatically whenever we would get safely somewhere.

The very last of the conventions was the worst. I did pretty much all the driving on the way home from that one, because Dad was not feeling good at all. But then, when that last convention happened, he was getting to the point where he was barely eating anything that wasn't Ensure Plus or milk.

Also among the driving extravaganzas was a trip to Pennsylvania, where EMEAPP is located (sometime before the last convention). At least the Pennsylvania Turnpike was one place you can't get lost on (I suppose it's theoretically possible, but you'd have to make a real effort to manage that). Driving under mountains, though, especially when you can hear water dripping above your car, is a bit disconcerting. There was another trip to Pennsylvania, too, though not quite as far. That was visiting someone to retrieve loaned accordions. Nice as the people were (at EMEAPP and the other place), I'm just not... comfortable around other people. Especially when I know that I can in no way, shape, or form, make a useful contribution to the conversation/activity.

Sprinkled somewhere in the mix are numerous doctors visits including the normal kind, the irritating kind where you're kept waiting over an hour because some doofus overbooks their scheduling, the oncology/chemo related ones, actual hospital stays (for the colostomy itself and then the one where they did the urostomy/attempted to get rest of affected colon out, a couple of infections, a heart issue, numerous blockages...).

Wow, that's depressing just rereading it. I'm sorry to dump like this. I really am. At least when I write my piece for Dad's memorial service, I should be able to give a more balanced account of things. But then, that will attempt to cover his whole life (laughable, I know, given that he was 76 when he died and I'm only 39 but hey...).

I cannot deny that my Dad, simply put, is a musical genius. He could play pipe organs, electronic organs, piano, french horn, trumpet, accordion (of course), the recorder and who knows what else (I do know he said he wasn't that great at the violin, but he only got to study that for a few weeks). He co-wrote a system of microtonal notation with a guy in Australia (look up saggital notation if you want). He did the math for his own custom Scalatron before I was born. There's other microtonal related stuff, too, but I not even going to TRY to explain that, because I never understood even a fraction of it. He composed a couple of microtonal pieces, one which is called Coming on Clouds that really deserves to have the lyrics written for it someday (but taking on the OT prophecies, including Isaiah and so forth and trying to whittle it down is a mammoth task). He invested a big chunk of his own money into getting some new Moschino accordions made and pushing to keep his own accordion teacher's legacy (and particular invention) alive (and has passed the effort on to another accordionist).

But when it comes down to it, the thing that was most important to me was that he was my father. Even with all the problems, the pain, etc., he's simply irreplaceable. I may recover someday, but I will never be the same.

[Rune Lai]

::hugs::

Don't apologize for dumping either. If you need to get it out, go ahead. No one's reading this who isn't willing to listen.

[northlander]

My condolences about your dad.

I went and looked him up on Youtube (since you mentioned it), and then gave his Gymnopedie video a listen.

[Solana]

Mon amie, that is what this part of the board is for. (Hugs) And that is quite the talent.