Post by skylark on May 7, 2009 17:24:45 GMT -5
(In the Scrubs Parodies, Brutus Dahnrey plays Lark's adopted brother.)
HALL/NURSE'S STATION
Lark walks along.
Working at Sacred Shrine, you grow accustomed to a lot of things. Sickness, death -- Darrell's morning self-affirmation ritual.
Lark passes Darrell, who is talking to himself in a mirror.
Darrell: People are laughing with you! People are laughing with you. People are laughing...
[trailing off]... with... you.
Lark approaches Reika, Kiyone, and Zero at the nurse's station.
One thing Zero couldn't get accustomed to was his wife being friends with a psychiatrist.
Kiyone: Babe, what do you want for lunch today?
Zero: [quiet, nodding towards Reika] Baby, please, not in front of her.
Reika: Zero, why are you not comfortable around me?
Zero: You have the ability to get in people's heads. And I don't want you to take this negatively or anything like that, but that makes you a Devil Fish.
Reika: Please, I mean, who could imagine what it's like in your head?
I'll take this one.
*** FANTASY -- Zero's Head
The Sanford & Son theme plays in Zero's head, which is decorated with "male symbols," lava lamps; and looks somewhat like the inside of a genie's bottle. Reika walks in wearing a negligee. Kiyone turns around, wearing similar attire.
Kiyone: Hey, welcome to Zero's head. You look really hot.
Reika: Wait a second, you're not a bisexual.
Kiyone: [long suffering] I am in here.
Reika: Yeah, me too.
They lean in to kiss, but before it happens...
BACK TO REALITY ***
NURSE'S STATION
Lark: Dammit! Reika, you're a shrink: why is it my daydreams always end right before the sexy part.
Reika: I don't know, maybe we should work on that... together.
Reika leans in to kiss Lark, wind blowing her hair... but before it happens...
BACK TO REALITY ***
Lark: Dammit!
Zero: Dude! Relax... and enjoy hot white chocolate love.
Zero grabs Lark's face, and leans in to kiss him. Lark looks panicked.
Snap out of it! Abort! ABORT!
BACK TO REALITY ***
Lark: Stop it! I don't have gay fever!!!
Zero: Okay, we should go.
Kiyone: Yeah.
Zero and Kiyone quickly exit.
===
ADMISSIONS
Roas enters.
Lark: Hey, uh, Mr. Garcia's family is here.
Roas: Fantastic.
Roas somberly approaches the family.
Telling a family their loved one has died is never easy. That's why doctors have a variety of techniques for breaking the news. There's the hand on shoulder...
Roas places his hand on Mrs. Garcia's shoulder.
HALL
... there's hand on hand...
A somber Zero clasps his hands around a man's hand.
PATIENT'S ROOM
Lark enters in full Kabuki get-up, dramatically stomping and shouting.
And, of course, the always popular Resident Kabuki Theater.
He mimes a blade slicing his throat. The gathered family applauds.
Lark: I'm sorry for your loss.
BACK TO REALITY ***
===
Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room at the Shrine...
Lark sits watching TV. A knock is heard at the door, and he gets up.
As for my family, we had our own way of breaking the news.
Lark opens it, revealing Brutus holding a pie.
Brutus: Hey, little brother!
We did it with pie.
Lark: [eyeing the pie suspiciously] What happened?
Brutus: What, a guy can't take three days off work, travel eight hundred miles
on a bus with a double-layer fudge pie just to say "Hey, how're things?"
Lark: Brutus.
Brutus: [after a pause] Dad died.
Lark looks shocked. Brutus enters the apartment.
Lark: There's ice cream in the fridge.
Still shocked, Lark closes the door.
===
OPENING THEME
Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
SUBTITLE: 10 Days Later.
Zero sits at the computer. Lark and Brutus enter.
Zero: You guys are back. Sorry I had to blow out of there after the funeral, but how was the rest of the week?
Lark: It was all right; we spent most of the time dealing with the headstone problem. See, since Dad was an office supplies salesman, he wanted it to be shaped like a pencil.
Zero: So?
Brutus: So, it looked like a giant marble you-know-what -- which I maintain, Dad would have liked even more.
Zero: How you doing, buddy?
Lark: I don't know... it hasn't really hit me yet.
Brutus: Oh, it will eventually. But don't worry -- when it does, Big Bro' will be there.
Lark and Zero give a scoffing laugh.
Brutus: What? What is it?
Lark: Brutus, I love you, but being there for people isn't really yo' thang.
Brutus: No, that was Old Brutus. Look at me: this is New Brutus! I'm totally here for you.
Cut to...
BATHROOM -- Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
Brutus sits morosely in the bath, drinking a can of beer, an empty can floating next to him. Lark enters.
Lark: Brutus, you've been in here for, like, nine hours: you okay?
Brutus: Well, I'd feel a lot better if you could give that ol' "H"-knob there a little twist. [conspiratorially] Body temp's a bit low.
Lark complies. Brutus lets out a sigh.
Brutus: Ahh. Now I can feel my tootsies.
===
CARPARK
Azreal drives up in a convertible.
Azreal: So, what do you think of the new convertible, Darrell?
Darrell sits alongside him, hair sticking out straight to the sides ala Bozo the Clown.
Darrell: [happy] Why don't I have one of these?
Techno approaches the car, gesturing to the crane behind him.
Techno: Well, howdy, Azreal. Ain't she a beaut'? I rented her so I could repair the air conditioning unit.
Azreal: Looks expensive, who authorised it?
Techno: Why, you did, sir. Must have been Tuesday last.
Azreal: Stop talking like a farmer! I did no such thing. [he gets out of the car] Now I'm not sure how one would go about making a janitor's life even more miserable, but what say we start by docking your pay for the cost of this monstrosity.
Azreal storms off. Darrell frantically tries to flatten his hair.
Darrell: Oh, Goddess! It won't smooth down.
He pushes it in to no avail.
===
DOCTOR'S LOUNGE
Reika and Kiyone stand over a sleeping Zero.
Zero: [murmuring in his sleep] It's nice to meet you too, Chuck.
Kiyone: Ohh, he's having one of his 'Love Connection' dreams.
Reika: You sure?
Kiyone: Mmmhmm.
Zero: [murmuring in his sleep] I'd love to go out with her again if you'll pay for it.
Kiyone: [shaking him awake] Buppy.
Zero: [awaking with a start] Uh? What?
Kiyone: We've been looking all over for you.
Zero: Why? What did I miss?
Reika and Kiyone give an excited squeal.
FLASHBACK: ADMISSIONS
Chuck Woolery shakes Kiyone's hand.
Chuck: Bye Kiyone. I'm sorry I didn't get to meet your husband.
Kiyone: Oh, I know.
Reika: So, Mr. Woolery: what have you been doing since 'The Love Connection' was cancelled?
Chuck: 'Love Connection' was never cancelled, it's just not on TV anymore. I still do the occasional episode in my basement with singles from the neighbourhood. [off Kiyone and Reika's looks] I'm not crazy.
Kiyone: [of course not] Noo! Heh.
****
DOCTOR'S LOUNGE
Zero: Aww, stupid nap! I been a little sleepy these last couple of weeks, I've dropped a few pounds. I don't know, I think I've got the 'flu, baby.
Kiyone: No!
Zero: Yeah.
Kiyone: You're not allowed to get sick, you're my "Superman." I mean, if you're in bed, who's going to give me my back rubs, or unscrew the peanut butter jar, or... walk around all day in my new high heels just to stretch them out.
Zero: [quickly, to Reika] She's kidding! I've never done that. [quietly, to Kiyone] Not in front of the Devil Fish.
Kiyone exits.
Reika: I got a new pair of pumps.
Zero: No.
===
BATHROOM -- Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
Lark attends to his hair in the mirror.
Whenever someone close to you dies, it's important to keep your head above water.
He hears water bubbling behind him, then turns.
Lark: Brutus!
Brutus quickly bursts out from beneath the bath water.
Brutus: I'm up!
He spits out some water and coughs.
Lark: You know, it wasn't exactly easy showering with you in there.
Brutus: Well, it wasn't exactly easy for me, either. You have Dad's butt.
Lark: You think you'll get out of the tub today?
Brutus: Yeah, today doesn't look good -- by the way, could you get me another beer?
Lark: No, look, I put a six-pack for you in the toilet.
He lifts the lid, revealing the bowl full of ice and cans.
Brutus: Ooh.
Lark: I gotta go to work!
Brutus: [as Lark exits] Okay, little brother, call me if you need... anything. I mean, anything from this particular area. Ooh. [he picks up the plunger] Hello, my little friend. [he extends the plunger, presses it against a can in the can, and draws it back into the bath] Ah! Success.
===
HALL
Darrell, with his hair still sticking out, addresses a patient in a wheelchair.
Darrell: [forcefully] Look, Mr. Cannon, let's drop the forgetful act. Now, if you don't sign these papers, this hospital will discharge you, and then we'll see what you do and do not remember!
Azreal passes.
Azreal: The man has Alzheimer's, bozo.
Darrell: [re: his hair] It still won't smooth down!
Darrell follows.
ELEVATOR -- CONTINUOUS
Kelso and Darrell enter the elevator, where Techno is cleaning.
Azreal: He's not a day over fifty-five and he has Alzheimer's. Really makes you think, doesn't it?
Techno: You're over fifty-five, aren't you, sir?
Azreal: What's your point?
Techno: [nonchalant] Nothing.
RAMP
Lark arrives at the hospital in his street clothes.
Even though I deal with death every time I walk into this place, I never dealt with it from this side before. It's full of surprises, whether it's a small gesture from a co-worker...
Techno is sweeping the doorway. He steps aside to let Lark through, and gives him a respectful nod.
FIRST FLOOR HALL
... or a big gesture from someone you've never even met before.
Chuck Woolery is hugging Lark vigourously.
Chuck: Walk tall, kiddo.
Lark rests his head on Chuck's shoulder.
ICU
Lark approaches Solana.
Solana: Hey.
Lark: Hey.
Solana: I just wanted to...
Lark: Yeah.
Solana: Look...
Lark: Thanks.
Solana: 'Kay.
Lark: 'Kay.
Lark moves on. Roas approaches Solana.
Roas: Say, Ecco, for a second there, I thought you were being a little bit cold, but then you really saved it with the "[sigh]... 'Kay."
Solana: What are you going to do, hide from him all day and then call him "Ginger"?
Roas: No. It's Monday, which of course means it's Ethnic Day, so I'll be going with Rosalita, and besides, I have a plan.
Solana: Which is?
Roas: Yeah, unfortunately, the first part of the plan is not to share it with people who annoy me. Want to hear the second part?
Solana: Sure.
Roas: I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.
Solana leaves.
===
NURSE'S STATION
Zero approaches Kiyone and Reika at the station, and flops down on the counter.
Kiyone: Baby, look at you, please, go see our doctor.
Zero: I hate Dr. Kim. He always makes me take my pants off, even that time I went in for Pink eye. [he squirms a little] I gotta pee.
Kiyone: Dont' you think it's weird you've already gone seven times today?
Zero: I think it's weird you're counting.
He exits on his mission.
Kiyone: It's impossible to get a doctor to go see a doctor!
Reika: I'm on it!
She exits on her mission.
BATHROOM
An afro has been scrawled on the mirror with a marker. Zero rises so his reflection "fits" in it.
Zero: [affecting a "Shaft" voice] Excuse me: did somebody say they're looking for the baddest detective in town?
Reika appears behind him.
Reika: Awesome afro.
Zero spins around.
Reika: I'm sorry to barge in on you, but I'm a little rusty on the medicine side, and I was wondering if you could help me. See, I have this patient -- constantly tired, always peeing, losing weight.
Zero: You should have him checked out, he might have diabetes.
Reika nods.
Zero: [realizing] Oh.
EXAM ROOM
Zero stands in his underwear, Dr. Kim alongside him.
Dr. Kim: The good news is that it's Type II diabetes. It's still serious, but it's totally manageable.
Zero: [sotto voce] Devil Fish gave me diabetes.
===
NURSE'S STATION
Lark and Kiyone stand at the station.
Kiyone: How're you holding up, Bambi?
Lark: I'm okay. Do you have my charts?
Kiyone: Oh, didn't anyone tell you? They switched your shift. You're off today.
Lark: [slightly surprised] Okay.
He exits. Cox enters from the other direction.
Kiyone: He bought it.
Roas: Great. Great, great, great, great. I took all his patients, and I threatened every single one of his residents under the penalty of death not to page him. One last thing to do.
BATHROOM -- Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
Roas finishes duct taping Brutus's head (still in the bath) to the wall.
Brutus: What is this?
Roas: That's your basic homemade anti-drowning device, to be worn until your brother returns.
Brutus: [pause] I like it.
Roas: Oh boy.
Brutus offers him his beer. Cox waves it off.
Roas: Trying to cut back.
===
CARPARK
Azreal, fiddling with a walkman, looks at an empty parking spot.
Azreal: [muttering] Where the hell is my car? I parked it right there, I know I parked it... for Althena's sake, am I losing my mind?
As he walks down the carpark, his car (with Techno standing inside) gets lowered back into the spot by crane.
Techno: [as Kelso returns] Tommy, take me up, he's coming back!
Kelso returns to find his car back in the spot, Techno nowhere in sight.
Puzzled, he gives it a pat. As he sighs, we see Techno swinging from the crane a few feet above.
===
BATHROOM -- Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
Lark sits by the tub, which still contains Brutus and a squad of beer cans.
Brutus: Hey, you want a beer?
Lark: Abso-tively.
Brutus pulls one out of the water and sips it.
Brutus: [spitting it out with a grimace] Bathwater.
He produces another and samples it.
Brutus: Backwash.
He pulls out a third can, sips, and has a more positive reaction.
Brutus: [handing it to Lark] Here you go.
Lark: Oh, thaaank you.
He takes it and promptly drops it in the toilet.
Lark: Hey, Brutus, if Dad were here right now, what would you say to him?
Brutus lets out a loud burp.
Lark: I think he'd be glad to hear that.
Maybe it was because I finally slowed down, maybe it was remembering Dad's passion for bodily functions, I don't know. But at that moment, it all hit me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure Brutus's the guy to talk about it with.
Brutus is feeding a yellow rubber duckie a can of beer.
Brutus: [to duck] Slow down, little duck. Some ducks can't hold their water. [he laughs a bit, then sobs] It's okay. I know.
There's a lot in life that can let you down.
CARPARK
Kelso sits in his convertible, then drives off.
It can be your mind...
After he's driven away, Techno drops down from the crane and lands with a smile.
HALL
Dr. Kim and Zero exit the exam room.
... or your body...
Call me if you have any questions.
Zero nods. Another patient approaches.
Patient: [to Dr. Kim] I'm here for my ear infection.
Dr. Kim: Go in and take your pants off.
Zero gives them an "I knew it" look. Kiyone walks up from behind.
Kiyone: So, what'd he say?
Zero: Oh... it's the flu', like I said.
Kiyone looks puzzled as Zero walks away.
NURSE'S STATION
Cox stands at the station, a flurry of activity as he attends to paperwork, the phone, and his pager.
Luckily for me, I had someone to lean on.
Lark approaches in his regular clothes.
Lark: Hey, Roas, can I talk to you for a second?
Roas: [preoccupied with the phone] Uh, no.
Lark: Really? Not even just like two seconds to talk to me.
Roas: Look, Newbie. [his pager beeps, he addresses it] Oh, for God's sake. I'm a little swamped, here. Thank you.
Lark: You know what sucks? I thought you were actually going to come through for me this time.
Roas: [to his beeping pager] In a minute! [to Lark] Hey, Newbie? Just in case you didn't actually notice, I have been covering all your patients, answering all your pages, and doing pretty much everything shy of picking up your sundress from the drycleaners.
Lark: [annoyed] Well, I didn't ask you to do any of that, did I?
He storms off.
Roas: Outstanding! You're walking away like a pissy little ingrate. I mean, bravo! [starts applauding] Bravo, ah!
He whistles as Darrell walks up and joins him in applauding. Cox stops clapping.
Darrell: What are we clapping for?
Roas: His dad just died.
Darrell's applause trails off.
Roas: Dammit.
HALL/NURSE'S STATION
Lark walks along.
Working at Sacred Shrine, you grow accustomed to a lot of things. Sickness, death -- Darrell's morning self-affirmation ritual.
Lark passes Darrell, who is talking to himself in a mirror.
Darrell: People are laughing with you! People are laughing with you. People are laughing...
[trailing off]... with... you.
Lark approaches Reika, Kiyone, and Zero at the nurse's station.
One thing Zero couldn't get accustomed to was his wife being friends with a psychiatrist.
Kiyone: Babe, what do you want for lunch today?
Zero: [quiet, nodding towards Reika] Baby, please, not in front of her.
Reika: Zero, why are you not comfortable around me?
Zero: You have the ability to get in people's heads. And I don't want you to take this negatively or anything like that, but that makes you a Devil Fish.
Reika: Please, I mean, who could imagine what it's like in your head?
I'll take this one.
*** FANTASY -- Zero's Head
The Sanford & Son theme plays in Zero's head, which is decorated with "male symbols," lava lamps; and looks somewhat like the inside of a genie's bottle. Reika walks in wearing a negligee. Kiyone turns around, wearing similar attire.
Kiyone: Hey, welcome to Zero's head. You look really hot.
Reika: Wait a second, you're not a bisexual.
Kiyone: [long suffering] I am in here.
Reika: Yeah, me too.
They lean in to kiss, but before it happens...
BACK TO REALITY ***
NURSE'S STATION
Lark: Dammit! Reika, you're a shrink: why is it my daydreams always end right before the sexy part.
Reika: I don't know, maybe we should work on that... together.
Reika leans in to kiss Lark, wind blowing her hair... but before it happens...
BACK TO REALITY ***
Lark: Dammit!
Zero: Dude! Relax... and enjoy hot white chocolate love.
Zero grabs Lark's face, and leans in to kiss him. Lark looks panicked.
Snap out of it! Abort! ABORT!
BACK TO REALITY ***
Lark: Stop it! I don't have gay fever!!!
Zero: Okay, we should go.
Kiyone: Yeah.
Zero and Kiyone quickly exit.
===
ADMISSIONS
Roas enters.
Lark: Hey, uh, Mr. Garcia's family is here.
Roas: Fantastic.
Roas somberly approaches the family.
Telling a family their loved one has died is never easy. That's why doctors have a variety of techniques for breaking the news. There's the hand on shoulder...
Roas places his hand on Mrs. Garcia's shoulder.
HALL
... there's hand on hand...
A somber Zero clasps his hands around a man's hand.
PATIENT'S ROOM
Lark enters in full Kabuki get-up, dramatically stomping and shouting.
And, of course, the always popular Resident Kabuki Theater.
He mimes a blade slicing his throat. The gathered family applauds.
Lark: I'm sorry for your loss.
BACK TO REALITY ***
===
Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room at the Shrine...
Lark sits watching TV. A knock is heard at the door, and he gets up.
As for my family, we had our own way of breaking the news.
Lark opens it, revealing Brutus holding a pie.
Brutus: Hey, little brother!
We did it with pie.
Lark: [eyeing the pie suspiciously] What happened?
Brutus: What, a guy can't take three days off work, travel eight hundred miles
on a bus with a double-layer fudge pie just to say "Hey, how're things?"
Lark: Brutus.
Brutus: [after a pause] Dad died.
Lark looks shocked. Brutus enters the apartment.
Lark: There's ice cream in the fridge.
Still shocked, Lark closes the door.
===
OPENING THEME
Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
SUBTITLE: 10 Days Later.
Zero sits at the computer. Lark and Brutus enter.
Zero: You guys are back. Sorry I had to blow out of there after the funeral, but how was the rest of the week?
Lark: It was all right; we spent most of the time dealing with the headstone problem. See, since Dad was an office supplies salesman, he wanted it to be shaped like a pencil.
Zero: So?
Brutus: So, it looked like a giant marble you-know-what -- which I maintain, Dad would have liked even more.
Zero: How you doing, buddy?
Lark: I don't know... it hasn't really hit me yet.
Brutus: Oh, it will eventually. But don't worry -- when it does, Big Bro' will be there.
Lark and Zero give a scoffing laugh.
Brutus: What? What is it?
Lark: Brutus, I love you, but being there for people isn't really yo' thang.
Brutus: No, that was Old Brutus. Look at me: this is New Brutus! I'm totally here for you.
Cut to...
BATHROOM -- Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
Brutus sits morosely in the bath, drinking a can of beer, an empty can floating next to him. Lark enters.
Lark: Brutus, you've been in here for, like, nine hours: you okay?
Brutus: Well, I'd feel a lot better if you could give that ol' "H"-knob there a little twist. [conspiratorially] Body temp's a bit low.
Lark complies. Brutus lets out a sigh.
Brutus: Ahh. Now I can feel my tootsies.
===
CARPARK
Azreal drives up in a convertible.
Azreal: So, what do you think of the new convertible, Darrell?
Darrell sits alongside him, hair sticking out straight to the sides ala Bozo the Clown.
Darrell: [happy] Why don't I have one of these?
Techno approaches the car, gesturing to the crane behind him.
Techno: Well, howdy, Azreal. Ain't she a beaut'? I rented her so I could repair the air conditioning unit.
Azreal: Looks expensive, who authorised it?
Techno: Why, you did, sir. Must have been Tuesday last.
Azreal: Stop talking like a farmer! I did no such thing. [he gets out of the car] Now I'm not sure how one would go about making a janitor's life even more miserable, but what say we start by docking your pay for the cost of this monstrosity.
Azreal storms off. Darrell frantically tries to flatten his hair.
Darrell: Oh, Goddess! It won't smooth down.
He pushes it in to no avail.
===
DOCTOR'S LOUNGE
Reika and Kiyone stand over a sleeping Zero.
Zero: [murmuring in his sleep] It's nice to meet you too, Chuck.
Kiyone: Ohh, he's having one of his 'Love Connection' dreams.
Reika: You sure?
Kiyone: Mmmhmm.
Zero: [murmuring in his sleep] I'd love to go out with her again if you'll pay for it.
Kiyone: [shaking him awake] Buppy.
Zero: [awaking with a start] Uh? What?
Kiyone: We've been looking all over for you.
Zero: Why? What did I miss?
Reika and Kiyone give an excited squeal.
FLASHBACK: ADMISSIONS
Chuck Woolery shakes Kiyone's hand.
Chuck: Bye Kiyone. I'm sorry I didn't get to meet your husband.
Kiyone: Oh, I know.
Reika: So, Mr. Woolery: what have you been doing since 'The Love Connection' was cancelled?
Chuck: 'Love Connection' was never cancelled, it's just not on TV anymore. I still do the occasional episode in my basement with singles from the neighbourhood. [off Kiyone and Reika's looks] I'm not crazy.
Kiyone: [of course not] Noo! Heh.
****
DOCTOR'S LOUNGE
Zero: Aww, stupid nap! I been a little sleepy these last couple of weeks, I've dropped a few pounds. I don't know, I think I've got the 'flu, baby.
Kiyone: No!
Zero: Yeah.
Kiyone: You're not allowed to get sick, you're my "Superman." I mean, if you're in bed, who's going to give me my back rubs, or unscrew the peanut butter jar, or... walk around all day in my new high heels just to stretch them out.
Zero: [quickly, to Reika] She's kidding! I've never done that. [quietly, to Kiyone] Not in front of the Devil Fish.
Kiyone exits.
Reika: I got a new pair of pumps.
Zero: No.
===
BATHROOM -- Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
Lark attends to his hair in the mirror.
Whenever someone close to you dies, it's important to keep your head above water.
He hears water bubbling behind him, then turns.
Lark: Brutus!
Brutus quickly bursts out from beneath the bath water.
Brutus: I'm up!
He spits out some water and coughs.
Lark: You know, it wasn't exactly easy showering with you in there.
Brutus: Well, it wasn't exactly easy for me, either. You have Dad's butt.
Lark: You think you'll get out of the tub today?
Brutus: Yeah, today doesn't look good -- by the way, could you get me another beer?
Lark: No, look, I put a six-pack for you in the toilet.
He lifts the lid, revealing the bowl full of ice and cans.
Brutus: Ooh.
Lark: I gotta go to work!
Brutus: [as Lark exits] Okay, little brother, call me if you need... anything. I mean, anything from this particular area. Ooh. [he picks up the plunger] Hello, my little friend. [he extends the plunger, presses it against a can in the can, and draws it back into the bath] Ah! Success.
===
HALL
Darrell, with his hair still sticking out, addresses a patient in a wheelchair.
Darrell: [forcefully] Look, Mr. Cannon, let's drop the forgetful act. Now, if you don't sign these papers, this hospital will discharge you, and then we'll see what you do and do not remember!
Azreal passes.
Azreal: The man has Alzheimer's, bozo.
Darrell: [re: his hair] It still won't smooth down!
Darrell follows.
ELEVATOR -- CONTINUOUS
Kelso and Darrell enter the elevator, where Techno is cleaning.
Azreal: He's not a day over fifty-five and he has Alzheimer's. Really makes you think, doesn't it?
Techno: You're over fifty-five, aren't you, sir?
Azreal: What's your point?
Techno: [nonchalant] Nothing.
RAMP
Lark arrives at the hospital in his street clothes.
Even though I deal with death every time I walk into this place, I never dealt with it from this side before. It's full of surprises, whether it's a small gesture from a co-worker...
Techno is sweeping the doorway. He steps aside to let Lark through, and gives him a respectful nod.
FIRST FLOOR HALL
... or a big gesture from someone you've never even met before.
Chuck Woolery is hugging Lark vigourously.
Chuck: Walk tall, kiddo.
Lark rests his head on Chuck's shoulder.
ICU
Lark approaches Solana.
Solana: Hey.
Lark: Hey.
Solana: I just wanted to...
Lark: Yeah.
Solana: Look...
Lark: Thanks.
Solana: 'Kay.
Lark: 'Kay.
Lark moves on. Roas approaches Solana.
Roas: Say, Ecco, for a second there, I thought you were being a little bit cold, but then you really saved it with the "[sigh]... 'Kay."
Solana: What are you going to do, hide from him all day and then call him "Ginger"?
Roas: No. It's Monday, which of course means it's Ethnic Day, so I'll be going with Rosalita, and besides, I have a plan.
Solana: Which is?
Roas: Yeah, unfortunately, the first part of the plan is not to share it with people who annoy me. Want to hear the second part?
Solana: Sure.
Roas: I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.
Solana leaves.
===
NURSE'S STATION
Zero approaches Kiyone and Reika at the station, and flops down on the counter.
Kiyone: Baby, look at you, please, go see our doctor.
Zero: I hate Dr. Kim. He always makes me take my pants off, even that time I went in for Pink eye. [he squirms a little] I gotta pee.
Kiyone: Dont' you think it's weird you've already gone seven times today?
Zero: I think it's weird you're counting.
He exits on his mission.
Kiyone: It's impossible to get a doctor to go see a doctor!
Reika: I'm on it!
She exits on her mission.
BATHROOM
An afro has been scrawled on the mirror with a marker. Zero rises so his reflection "fits" in it.
Zero: [affecting a "Shaft" voice] Excuse me: did somebody say they're looking for the baddest detective in town?
Reika appears behind him.
Reika: Awesome afro.
Zero spins around.
Reika: I'm sorry to barge in on you, but I'm a little rusty on the medicine side, and I was wondering if you could help me. See, I have this patient -- constantly tired, always peeing, losing weight.
Zero: You should have him checked out, he might have diabetes.
Reika nods.
Zero: [realizing] Oh.
EXAM ROOM
Zero stands in his underwear, Dr. Kim alongside him.
Dr. Kim: The good news is that it's Type II diabetes. It's still serious, but it's totally manageable.
Zero: [sotto voce] Devil Fish gave me diabetes.
===
NURSE'S STATION
Lark and Kiyone stand at the station.
Kiyone: How're you holding up, Bambi?
Lark: I'm okay. Do you have my charts?
Kiyone: Oh, didn't anyone tell you? They switched your shift. You're off today.
Lark: [slightly surprised] Okay.
He exits. Cox enters from the other direction.
Kiyone: He bought it.
Roas: Great. Great, great, great, great. I took all his patients, and I threatened every single one of his residents under the penalty of death not to page him. One last thing to do.
BATHROOM -- Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
Roas finishes duct taping Brutus's head (still in the bath) to the wall.
Brutus: What is this?
Roas: That's your basic homemade anti-drowning device, to be worn until your brother returns.
Brutus: [pause] I like it.
Roas: Oh boy.
Brutus offers him his beer. Cox waves it off.
Roas: Trying to cut back.
===
CARPARK
Azreal, fiddling with a walkman, looks at an empty parking spot.
Azreal: [muttering] Where the hell is my car? I parked it right there, I know I parked it... for Althena's sake, am I losing my mind?
As he walks down the carpark, his car (with Techno standing inside) gets lowered back into the spot by crane.
Techno: [as Kelso returns] Tommy, take me up, he's coming back!
Kelso returns to find his car back in the spot, Techno nowhere in sight.
Puzzled, he gives it a pat. As he sighs, we see Techno swinging from the crane a few feet above.
===
BATHROOM -- Lark, Zero & Kiyone's room
Lark sits by the tub, which still contains Brutus and a squad of beer cans.
Brutus: Hey, you want a beer?
Lark: Abso-tively.
Brutus pulls one out of the water and sips it.
Brutus: [spitting it out with a grimace] Bathwater.
He produces another and samples it.
Brutus: Backwash.
He pulls out a third can, sips, and has a more positive reaction.
Brutus: [handing it to Lark] Here you go.
Lark: Oh, thaaank you.
He takes it and promptly drops it in the toilet.
Lark: Hey, Brutus, if Dad were here right now, what would you say to him?
Brutus lets out a loud burp.
Lark: I think he'd be glad to hear that.
Maybe it was because I finally slowed down, maybe it was remembering Dad's passion for bodily functions, I don't know. But at that moment, it all hit me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure Brutus's the guy to talk about it with.
Brutus is feeding a yellow rubber duckie a can of beer.
Brutus: [to duck] Slow down, little duck. Some ducks can't hold their water. [he laughs a bit, then sobs] It's okay. I know.
There's a lot in life that can let you down.
CARPARK
Kelso sits in his convertible, then drives off.
It can be your mind...
After he's driven away, Techno drops down from the crane and lands with a smile.
HALL
Dr. Kim and Zero exit the exam room.
... or your body...
Call me if you have any questions.
Zero nods. Another patient approaches.
Patient: [to Dr. Kim] I'm here for my ear infection.
Dr. Kim: Go in and take your pants off.
Zero gives them an "I knew it" look. Kiyone walks up from behind.
Kiyone: So, what'd he say?
Zero: Oh... it's the flu', like I said.
Kiyone looks puzzled as Zero walks away.
NURSE'S STATION
Cox stands at the station, a flurry of activity as he attends to paperwork, the phone, and his pager.
Luckily for me, I had someone to lean on.
Lark approaches in his regular clothes.
Lark: Hey, Roas, can I talk to you for a second?
Roas: [preoccupied with the phone] Uh, no.
Lark: Really? Not even just like two seconds to talk to me.
Roas: Look, Newbie. [his pager beeps, he addresses it] Oh, for God's sake. I'm a little swamped, here. Thank you.
Lark: You know what sucks? I thought you were actually going to come through for me this time.
Roas: [to his beeping pager] In a minute! [to Lark] Hey, Newbie? Just in case you didn't actually notice, I have been covering all your patients, answering all your pages, and doing pretty much everything shy of picking up your sundress from the drycleaners.
Lark: [annoyed] Well, I didn't ask you to do any of that, did I?
He storms off.
Roas: Outstanding! You're walking away like a pissy little ingrate. I mean, bravo! [starts applauding] Bravo, ah!
He whistles as Darrell walks up and joins him in applauding. Cox stops clapping.
Darrell: What are we clapping for?
Roas: His dad just died.
Darrell's applause trails off.
Roas: Dammit.
[She storms off]