Post by Solana on May 7, 2009 22:43:46 GMT -5
(The scene opens in Lark's suite in the Shrine. He, Zero, Kiyone, and Solana are dressed up and enjoying a candlelit dinner.)
Zero- You ever notice how a tumor looks just like cheese?
Kiyone- Is that good cocktail conversation?
Lark- I had this patient today that thought he had blood in his stool. Turned out to be a pimento.
(Solana shrugs and swallows the pimento in her mouth as Zero and Kiyone grimace.)
Solana- What? I worked on a homeless guy who vomited up an entire mitten. I mean, that's not going to stop me from wearing mine on the next trip to Zulan.
Kiyone- What is wrong with you people? We have good bottles of wine and cider, we all look nice for once; can we please talk about something other than work? (Gazes at everyone entreatingly.) Please?
Zero- Give any name. Lark can tell you which videogame it's in.
Kiyone- I'm going to go put on my pajamas. (Gets up and grumbles.) I can't believe I shaved my legs for this.
Solana- Annalee, Trellia, and Leon.
Lark- Suikoden II, Ecco- The Tides of Time, and as for Mister Leon- Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, Suikoden again, and you gotta love him as Leon Kennedy in Resident Evil II and IV!
Kiyone (from the next room)- Oh, my God!
(Everyone else laughs, then Zero gets up and gives Lark a five.)
Zero- You the man. (Turns it into a hug.)
That's the thing about best friends.
(Shifts to Roas giving Valius a hug.)
They just get each other.
Valius- Usually you get uncomfortable hugging a guy right about now.
Roas- Bring, it, baby.
Valius- Is this going to end well for you? I mean, I used to wrestle on Krynn. (Gives him a big smack on the cheek.)
Roas (laughing as they separate)- YOU broke the hug! So, you working on a house or what?
Valius- Yeah, I scored this big restoration job. (Notices Lark in the doorway.) So, who's the fan club?
Lark (giving a thumbs up)- Meet hug!
Roas (putting on some rubber gloves)- Newbie, no one likes those. Not now, not ever.
Lark- So what's that, like your lucky board or something?
Valius (holding up his normal hand with a board nailed to it)- What, that? That's a nailgun accident. (Starts moving his hand up and down.)
Lark- 8o Oh, my Goddess, that's disgusting!
Roas- I already dosed him with morphine and the X-ray says the nail went straight through, so it's not that big a .... (stares at a swaying Lark) ...deal. Oh, dear Goddess, she's getting woozy.
(Camera shows Lark's point of view, getting shaky.)
Roas- Here, show her the bloody side! >
(Valius obeys, and the two start taunting him.)
Valius- Yeah, that's a nail. Touch it. Touch the nail!
Roas- Yeah, touch it!
(Lark sways some more and faints, and the camera turns black.)
Roas- Good night!
(Skylark groans, and the camera returns to his POV from the floor.)
Roas (taking off his gloves and flicking them at Lark)- Come on, let's get you to a hand surgeon.
Valius (bending over to wave at Lark with the bloody hand)- Bye, bye!
Lark-...please, don't. (Passes out again.)
(Cuts to main theme, then Kiyone is handing Lark a glass of orange juice.)
Lark- I just can't get over it. I mean, who faints anymore? I mean, since the forties.
Kiyone- It's okay, you're just a doctor. You shouldn't have to look at stuff like that.
Lark- I was surprised! I don't like surprises!
(Valius takes a picture of them from the hospital entrance, while Lark jumps and spills his orange juice.)
Lark- Oh, my goodness!
Valius (removing the picture from his camera)- Pictures capture moments in time.
(Kiyone just walks off.)
Valius- When they're posed, they're not real. You know, I hate that whole (makes a cheesy fake smile) thing. That's why at a party, you'll see me hiding in the bushes with my camera.
Lark- You're a little weird, aren't you?
Valius- Little bit.
Roas (coming up with Ninya)- Hey, Valius, look what the cat tried to drag in before it was skinned and eaten.
(Valius grins and takes a picture of Ninya, who doesn't look impressed.)
Ninya- You're still with the annoying camera?
Valius- She just skipped the whole part where people say 'hello' to each other.
Ninya- Hello, Valius. You look very pale.
Valius (chuckling)- I miss the sweet talk!
Ninya- Maybe it's been too long. Maybe my feelings were hurt a little bit.
Roas- Feelings. That's a good one.
Valius- Ninya, you're a big girl now, and you put me in an awkward position of having to choose between you two.
Roas- But you're my brother!
Valius- Admittedly, that made it harder. Ooh, good one. (Holds up the picture of Ninya.) Me so cranky! (Makes growling noises.)
(Cuts to an OR with Zero and a number of surgeons getting ready to start.)
Ambrienne- Patient's name is Zain. The cancer is confined to the right testicle. Dr. Zero will be assisting in the removal.
Zero (holding up a scalpel)- Sorry, Moe, looks like you're about to lose Larry or Curly.
(Ambrienne and the others give him a dirty look.)
Zero (chagrined)- Starting the incision. (Bends over to begin.)
Ambrienne- Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop. It says on the chart that he's a full human?
Zero- Yeah.
Ambrienne- Why does he have a horn?
(Zero jerks back in a panic.)
A recent medical study found that a mistake is made on about 20% of all patients. Most of these are clerical and harmless, but it still adds up to a lot of near-misses.
(Kyle enters the OR.)
Kyle- Dr. Ronfar wanted me to ask if there's been a mix-up. Because our appendicitis patient Keitaro, that dude doesn't have an appendix!
Ambrienne (grumbling and running off)- Wait right here.
Zero- Wow...
Kyle- Yeah, I know. You know, we almost did- (looks down at the real Keitaro that was almost operated on) Whoa! What's going on here?!
(Camera cuts to a hospital room. Aryn is lounging on a bed, yapping away into a cell phone.)
Aryn- No, I don't care what my third-grade teacher's great-great...whatever-we're-up-to-grandchildren are doing.
(Solana appears in the doorway, and stops when she sees Aryn on the phone. She waves, and Aryn waves back and gestures for her to come in.)
Aryn- Uh-huh, uh-huh, and...scene! (Hangs up.) How are you?!
Solana- How are you? I haven't seen you since the sword tournament!
Aryn- Which one?
(They laugh together, and Solana eagerly pulls up a chair.)
Solana- So, what's new?
Aryn- Last time I saw you, I was really stressed out, with the weight of the world on my shoulders. So, guess what I did?
Solana- Quit your job?
Aryn- Flushed my fish down the toilet! No more feedings, no more cleaning the bowl, no more being judged for having a second glass of spicy tea... (stops at the look of death in Solana's eyes.)
Solana- You. Did. WHAT?!! It's true fish can be judgmental, but you-
Aryn (hurriedly)- But that sent me into a shame-spiral (Solana looks slightly mollified) so I decided to travel. I learned how to make some awesome sushi dishes in Horam, special wine in Nota- but only for a little bit, since it takes freakin' forever- and then I went to Raculi to swim with the dolphins.
Solana (forgetting the fish)- Ohhh.....
Aryn- Yeah, and out in the ocean! Where they belong.
Solana- Ohhhhhhhhh...the little darlings....
Aryn- Oh, I almost forgot. I'm entering a championship of spicy cooking!
Solana- ...you have no idea how sad this makes me! I came to tell you that the reason you're vomiting and a little puffy is that you're allergic to Tabasco sauce.
Aryn- 8o Uh, what now?
Solana- You're allergic to Tabasco sauce. But, there are other things you can use, right?
Aryn- Um, the contest is being sponsored by the company that makes it.
Solana- 8o Oh, so you can't just use something else.
(Cuts to Lark walking with Valius and Ninya.)
Lark- So, you're going to want to rewrap the gauze if it gets soiled.
Ninya- Wow, rewrap a dirty bandage. It's phenomenal how you doctors keep all of this stuff in your head.
Lark- No, we don't, it says it right here on the box. (Leaves.)
Valius- Yeah, see? Right there. (Points to it.) Hey, don't be mean to him. You're mad at me.
Ninya- Yeah, because you shouldn't be doing contract work. You are clumsy. That's why stuff like this keeps happening.
Valius- It doesn't keep happening.
Ninya (hands on hips)- How many times have you hurt yourself with that nailgun?
Valius- Once.
Ninya- Oh, come on.
Valius- What, with that nailgun? It's a new one. If it had been any other nailgun, then yeah, the estimate would be slightly higher. (Snickers.)
Ninya- It's not funny!
Valius (cheekily)- You're pretty when you're mad.
Ninya- Oh, you're so-
I guess some rivalries never go away. No matter how old you get.
(Ninya starts twisting the skin on Valius' arm.)
Valius- That doesn't hurt. Doesn't hurt. Doesn't hurt.
Ninya- Oh, really?
(The skin on Valius' arm appears to catch fire.)
Valius- Okay, that kind of smarts a little bit. (Moves his arm around, then takes a picture of the flames.)
(Cuts to Lark blowing, as if on the flames.)
Valius- Ninya, I'll call you later, all right?
Ninya- Okay, fine, whatever, forget it. (Leaves in annoyance, and gives Roas a shoulder bump as she passes him.) You big jerk.
Roas- Do you ever remember when she used to be fun?
Valius- No.
Roas- Me, neither.
Lark- Me, neither!
Roas (whistles)- When spoken to, newbie, when spoken to. Here I thought we were clear on that one. (Lark mumbles a reply and gets back to work.) You know, Valius, we haven't grabbed a beer in a couple of weeks- what's that about?
You know, he's never asked me to grab a beer. But I don't care.
Roas- Newbie? Would you like to come?
Lark- Oh, Goddess, yes.
(Cuts to a bar scene, Roas and Valius clinking bottles as Lark joins in.)
Lark- To buddies!
Roas- What the hell do you think you're doing? You can't drink beer. You're our driver. That's why we brought you to begin with.
Valius- You know, that's not right. I'll drink this for both of us. (Swipes Lark's bottle and clinks it with Roas' again, as Skylark looks bummed out.)
(Cuts to Zero in the lounge.)
Zero- I can't stop thinking about the mix-up. I almost removed one of his testicles, Kyle.
Kyle- Which one?
Zero- Like it matters.
Kyle- Oh, it matters.
(Azreal and Darrell enter.)
Azreal- Bye, Kyle.
Kyle- Okay. (Obediently leaves the room.)
Azreal- Dr. Zero, I heard about your mishap earlier today, but here's the skinny- if that patient finds out what happened because you can't rein in your yapper, then heads are going to roll. And I promise that yours and Darrell's will be the first to go!
Darrell- 8o What did I do?
Zero- Consider my lips sewn shut, sir. Which in this hospital could actually happen!
Azreal- Young man, at Sacred Shrine, we do...not...make...mistakes.
(Cuts to Solana running and repeatedly yelping out 'No' through a hallway.)
Aryn (on her phone again)- Look, Commissioner, I'm sorry I have to bail out of the contest at this point, but it's not my fault that your product makes me nauseous and gives me hives!
Solana (running in her room)- No-no-no-no-no-no-no! Stop! Hang up the phone!
Aryn- Hold on one second. Hold on! (Puts the phone down with a grimace.) Hi!
Solana- Hi. Your last name is 'Caldera'! Well, of course you know that your last name is 'Caldera', but what you don't know is that there's a woman on the third floor whose last name is also 'Caldera', so I started thinking about your allergen sample. And then I remembered how you're always eating spicy food which makes your samples a little more pink than others, and how the sample that came back with your name on it was so pale. And the other woman eats food so plain that she won't even put ketchup on it, which is why I think her skin looks so thin.
Aryn- Sweetie, I need you to get to the point.
Solana- You don't have an allergy! The lab just switched the samples!
Aryn- 8o. You're killing me. (Picks up the phone.) Hey, Commissioner, you know that I was just joking about all of that stuff, right?
(Cuts to Valius and Roas playing pool at the bar.)
Valius- Aya.
Lark- Please, Parasite Eve. Mary.
Valius- Not a playable character, but still important in Silent Hill II.
Lark- Good! At last, a worthy foe.
Roas (holding out his pool cue)- Oh, chalk boy?
Lark (taking it and chalking it up)- Chalk boy...
Roas- Lemina, if you could just chalk it, that would be terrific.
(Valius just laughs.)
Roas- What?
Valius- I knew you were up for that 'gruff doctor' routine but you just came off as a cartoon pirate. Argh, Lemina, chalk it! (Holds his cue stick out like a sword.)
Lark- Here's a brick that will do it, newbie!
Roas (holding the tip of his stick at Skylark's throat)- Are you done?
Lark- Yeah, I'm done.
Roas- Good, I think you are, too.
Valius (patting Lark's shoulder)- Come on, let him have a little fun.
Roas- All right, Jean, you can go ahead and order yourself a Cosmopolitan. We'll just grab a cab home.
Lark- Actually, Valius has been sneaking me beers all night, and I'm quite drunk!
Roas- That's just great. (Valius lines up his cue for the next shot, but Roas suddenly grabs his stained bandaged hand.) Hey, Valius, why is this hand still bleeding?
Valius- I don't know. It's weird, because I cut myself shaving last week and it wouldn't stop bleeding.
(Roas and Lark exchange worried glances.)
One of the things that sucks about being a doctor is that you never miss a red flag.
Roas (sets down his stick)- Can I have you over here for two seconds? (Starts checking him over, then it cuts to him doing the same in the hospital.)
Valius- What the hell are you doing to me?
Roas- Just humor me, it's probably mono anyway.
Valius- Isn't that the kissing disease?
Roas- Yeah.
Valius- Score!
Roas (turning to Lark)- Your only job today is to get his test results back, you understand?
Valius (holding up his camera)- Hey, guys!
(They turn around, and Valius snaps a picture.)
Valius- See? Now, that's real.
(Cuts to Lark, Zero, Kiyone, and Solana in the cafeteria, eating lunch.)
Solana- So, it turns out, she didn't have an allergy after all because some idiot mislabeled her sample.
Zero- I was a heartbeat away from giving an appendicitis patient a package lobotomy! If I do my best, and I lose a patient, you know what? I can live with that. But if a clerical error is the reason that a guy's walking around with only the lonely? (Solana regards a cherry tomato on her fork, then puts it down.) Then, damn! That don't sit right with the big dog.
(Lark's pager goes off. He checks it, then rises.)
Lark- I'm with you, big dog. (Gives him a high five before leaving.)
I was paged because Valius' bloodwork was finally ready. Unfortunately, the chart wasn't in the 'out' box. I'd knock, but the hematopathologist is the meanest, intern-hatingest monster in this hospital.
Hiro (wringing his hands)- Don't be a chicken. If you need something, just go in and get it. (Enters the lab.) Uh, excuse me, sir?
(An inhuman howl replies, and Hiro starts screaming. A spray of blood appears on the door, with one of Hiro's hands slowly trailing through it.)
The truth is, the hematopathologist is the last person in this hospital that I wanted to deal with.
(He turns around to see Techno right behind him, then jumps.)
Lark- Why do you have to jump out and scare me all the time?!
Techno- I do not jump out and scare you! I follow you around all day. I've only got about an hour and a half's worth of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you like an animal.
Lark- You're kidding, right?
Techno (laughs)- I don't know. Am I? (Walks off, scratching his chin in consideration.)
(Skylark turns around, then sees a folder in the 'out' box.)
What? How did that get there?
(Cracks it open and takes a look.)
Come on, good news.
Kiyone- Hey, Bambi. Are you okay?
Hemophilia.
Lark- No...
Zero- You ever notice how a tumor looks just like cheese?
Kiyone- Is that good cocktail conversation?
Lark- I had this patient today that thought he had blood in his stool. Turned out to be a pimento.
(Solana shrugs and swallows the pimento in her mouth as Zero and Kiyone grimace.)
Solana- What? I worked on a homeless guy who vomited up an entire mitten. I mean, that's not going to stop me from wearing mine on the next trip to Zulan.
Kiyone- What is wrong with you people? We have good bottles of wine and cider, we all look nice for once; can we please talk about something other than work? (Gazes at everyone entreatingly.) Please?
Zero- Give any name. Lark can tell you which videogame it's in.
Kiyone- I'm going to go put on my pajamas. (Gets up and grumbles.) I can't believe I shaved my legs for this.
Solana- Annalee, Trellia, and Leon.
Lark- Suikoden II, Ecco- The Tides of Time, and as for Mister Leon- Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, Suikoden again, and you gotta love him as Leon Kennedy in Resident Evil II and IV!
Kiyone (from the next room)- Oh, my God!
(Everyone else laughs, then Zero gets up and gives Lark a five.)
Zero- You the man. (Turns it into a hug.)
That's the thing about best friends.
(Shifts to Roas giving Valius a hug.)
They just get each other.
Valius- Usually you get uncomfortable hugging a guy right about now.
Roas- Bring, it, baby.
Valius- Is this going to end well for you? I mean, I used to wrestle on Krynn. (Gives him a big smack on the cheek.)
Roas (laughing as they separate)- YOU broke the hug! So, you working on a house or what?
Valius- Yeah, I scored this big restoration job. (Notices Lark in the doorway.) So, who's the fan club?
Lark (giving a thumbs up)- Meet hug!
Roas (putting on some rubber gloves)- Newbie, no one likes those. Not now, not ever.
Lark- So what's that, like your lucky board or something?
Valius (holding up his normal hand with a board nailed to it)- What, that? That's a nailgun accident. (Starts moving his hand up and down.)
Lark- 8o Oh, my Goddess, that's disgusting!
Roas- I already dosed him with morphine and the X-ray says the nail went straight through, so it's not that big a .... (stares at a swaying Lark) ...deal. Oh, dear Goddess, she's getting woozy.
(Camera shows Lark's point of view, getting shaky.)
Roas- Here, show her the bloody side! >
(Valius obeys, and the two start taunting him.)
Valius- Yeah, that's a nail. Touch it. Touch the nail!
Roas- Yeah, touch it!
(Lark sways some more and faints, and the camera turns black.)
Roas- Good night!
(Skylark groans, and the camera returns to his POV from the floor.)
Roas (taking off his gloves and flicking them at Lark)- Come on, let's get you to a hand surgeon.
Valius (bending over to wave at Lark with the bloody hand)- Bye, bye!
Lark-...please, don't. (Passes out again.)
(Cuts to main theme, then Kiyone is handing Lark a glass of orange juice.)
Lark- I just can't get over it. I mean, who faints anymore? I mean, since the forties.
Kiyone- It's okay, you're just a doctor. You shouldn't have to look at stuff like that.
Lark- I was surprised! I don't like surprises!
(Valius takes a picture of them from the hospital entrance, while Lark jumps and spills his orange juice.)
Lark- Oh, my goodness!
Valius (removing the picture from his camera)- Pictures capture moments in time.
(Kiyone just walks off.)
Valius- When they're posed, they're not real. You know, I hate that whole (makes a cheesy fake smile) thing. That's why at a party, you'll see me hiding in the bushes with my camera.
Lark- You're a little weird, aren't you?
Valius- Little bit.
Roas (coming up with Ninya)- Hey, Valius, look what the cat tried to drag in before it was skinned and eaten.
(Valius grins and takes a picture of Ninya, who doesn't look impressed.)
Ninya- You're still with the annoying camera?
Valius- She just skipped the whole part where people say 'hello' to each other.
Ninya- Hello, Valius. You look very pale.
Valius (chuckling)- I miss the sweet talk!
Ninya- Maybe it's been too long. Maybe my feelings were hurt a little bit.
Roas- Feelings. That's a good one.
Valius- Ninya, you're a big girl now, and you put me in an awkward position of having to choose between you two.
Roas- But you're my brother!
Valius- Admittedly, that made it harder. Ooh, good one. (Holds up the picture of Ninya.) Me so cranky! (Makes growling noises.)
(Cuts to an OR with Zero and a number of surgeons getting ready to start.)
Ambrienne- Patient's name is Zain. The cancer is confined to the right testicle. Dr. Zero will be assisting in the removal.
Zero (holding up a scalpel)- Sorry, Moe, looks like you're about to lose Larry or Curly.
(Ambrienne and the others give him a dirty look.)
Zero (chagrined)- Starting the incision. (Bends over to begin.)
Ambrienne- Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop. It says on the chart that he's a full human?
Zero- Yeah.
Ambrienne- Why does he have a horn?
(Zero jerks back in a panic.)
A recent medical study found that a mistake is made on about 20% of all patients. Most of these are clerical and harmless, but it still adds up to a lot of near-misses.
(Kyle enters the OR.)
Kyle- Dr. Ronfar wanted me to ask if there's been a mix-up. Because our appendicitis patient Keitaro, that dude doesn't have an appendix!
Ambrienne (grumbling and running off)- Wait right here.
Zero- Wow...
Kyle- Yeah, I know. You know, we almost did- (looks down at the real Keitaro that was almost operated on) Whoa! What's going on here?!
(Camera cuts to a hospital room. Aryn is lounging on a bed, yapping away into a cell phone.)
Aryn- No, I don't care what my third-grade teacher's great-great...whatever-we're-up-to-grandchildren are doing.
(Solana appears in the doorway, and stops when she sees Aryn on the phone. She waves, and Aryn waves back and gestures for her to come in.)
Aryn- Uh-huh, uh-huh, and...scene! (Hangs up.) How are you?!
Solana- How are you? I haven't seen you since the sword tournament!
Aryn- Which one?
(They laugh together, and Solana eagerly pulls up a chair.)
Solana- So, what's new?
Aryn- Last time I saw you, I was really stressed out, with the weight of the world on my shoulders. So, guess what I did?
Solana- Quit your job?
Aryn- Flushed my fish down the toilet! No more feedings, no more cleaning the bowl, no more being judged for having a second glass of spicy tea... (stops at the look of death in Solana's eyes.)
Solana- You. Did. WHAT?!! It's true fish can be judgmental, but you-
Aryn (hurriedly)- But that sent me into a shame-spiral (Solana looks slightly mollified) so I decided to travel. I learned how to make some awesome sushi dishes in Horam, special wine in Nota- but only for a little bit, since it takes freakin' forever- and then I went to Raculi to swim with the dolphins.
Solana (forgetting the fish)- Ohhh.....
Aryn- Yeah, and out in the ocean! Where they belong.
Solana- Ohhhhhhhhh...the little darlings....
Aryn- Oh, I almost forgot. I'm entering a championship of spicy cooking!
Solana- ...you have no idea how sad this makes me! I came to tell you that the reason you're vomiting and a little puffy is that you're allergic to Tabasco sauce.
Aryn- 8o Uh, what now?
Solana- You're allergic to Tabasco sauce. But, there are other things you can use, right?
Aryn- Um, the contest is being sponsored by the company that makes it.
Solana- 8o Oh, so you can't just use something else.
(Cuts to Lark walking with Valius and Ninya.)
Lark- So, you're going to want to rewrap the gauze if it gets soiled.
Ninya- Wow, rewrap a dirty bandage. It's phenomenal how you doctors keep all of this stuff in your head.
Lark- No, we don't, it says it right here on the box. (Leaves.)
Valius- Yeah, see? Right there. (Points to it.) Hey, don't be mean to him. You're mad at me.
Ninya- Yeah, because you shouldn't be doing contract work. You are clumsy. That's why stuff like this keeps happening.
Valius- It doesn't keep happening.
Ninya (hands on hips)- How many times have you hurt yourself with that nailgun?
Valius- Once.
Ninya- Oh, come on.
Valius- What, with that nailgun? It's a new one. If it had been any other nailgun, then yeah, the estimate would be slightly higher. (Snickers.)
Ninya- It's not funny!
Valius (cheekily)- You're pretty when you're mad.
Ninya- Oh, you're so-
I guess some rivalries never go away. No matter how old you get.
(Ninya starts twisting the skin on Valius' arm.)
Valius- That doesn't hurt. Doesn't hurt. Doesn't hurt.
Ninya- Oh, really?
(The skin on Valius' arm appears to catch fire.)
Valius- Okay, that kind of smarts a little bit. (Moves his arm around, then takes a picture of the flames.)
(Cuts to Lark blowing, as if on the flames.)
Valius- Ninya, I'll call you later, all right?
Ninya- Okay, fine, whatever, forget it. (Leaves in annoyance, and gives Roas a shoulder bump as she passes him.) You big jerk.
Roas- Do you ever remember when she used to be fun?
Valius- No.
Roas- Me, neither.
Lark- Me, neither!
Roas (whistles)- When spoken to, newbie, when spoken to. Here I thought we were clear on that one. (Lark mumbles a reply and gets back to work.) You know, Valius, we haven't grabbed a beer in a couple of weeks- what's that about?
You know, he's never asked me to grab a beer. But I don't care.
Roas- Newbie? Would you like to come?
Lark- Oh, Goddess, yes.
(Cuts to a bar scene, Roas and Valius clinking bottles as Lark joins in.)
Lark- To buddies!
Roas- What the hell do you think you're doing? You can't drink beer. You're our driver. That's why we brought you to begin with.
Valius- You know, that's not right. I'll drink this for both of us. (Swipes Lark's bottle and clinks it with Roas' again, as Skylark looks bummed out.)
(Cuts to Zero in the lounge.)
Zero- I can't stop thinking about the mix-up. I almost removed one of his testicles, Kyle.
Kyle- Which one?
Zero- Like it matters.
Kyle- Oh, it matters.
(Azreal and Darrell enter.)
Azreal- Bye, Kyle.
Kyle- Okay. (Obediently leaves the room.)
Azreal- Dr. Zero, I heard about your mishap earlier today, but here's the skinny- if that patient finds out what happened because you can't rein in your yapper, then heads are going to roll. And I promise that yours and Darrell's will be the first to go!
Darrell- 8o What did I do?
Zero- Consider my lips sewn shut, sir. Which in this hospital could actually happen!
Azreal- Young man, at Sacred Shrine, we do...not...make...mistakes.
(Cuts to Solana running and repeatedly yelping out 'No' through a hallway.)
Aryn (on her phone again)- Look, Commissioner, I'm sorry I have to bail out of the contest at this point, but it's not my fault that your product makes me nauseous and gives me hives!
Solana (running in her room)- No-no-no-no-no-no-no! Stop! Hang up the phone!
Aryn- Hold on one second. Hold on! (Puts the phone down with a grimace.) Hi!
Solana- Hi. Your last name is 'Caldera'! Well, of course you know that your last name is 'Caldera', but what you don't know is that there's a woman on the third floor whose last name is also 'Caldera', so I started thinking about your allergen sample. And then I remembered how you're always eating spicy food which makes your samples a little more pink than others, and how the sample that came back with your name on it was so pale. And the other woman eats food so plain that she won't even put ketchup on it, which is why I think her skin looks so thin.
Aryn- Sweetie, I need you to get to the point.
Solana- You don't have an allergy! The lab just switched the samples!
Aryn- 8o. You're killing me. (Picks up the phone.) Hey, Commissioner, you know that I was just joking about all of that stuff, right?
(Cuts to Valius and Roas playing pool at the bar.)
Valius- Aya.
Lark- Please, Parasite Eve. Mary.
Valius- Not a playable character, but still important in Silent Hill II.
Lark- Good! At last, a worthy foe.
Roas (holding out his pool cue)- Oh, chalk boy?
Lark (taking it and chalking it up)- Chalk boy...
Roas- Lemina, if you could just chalk it, that would be terrific.
(Valius just laughs.)
Roas- What?
Valius- I knew you were up for that 'gruff doctor' routine but you just came off as a cartoon pirate.
Argh, Lemina, chalk it! (Holds his cue stick out like a sword.) Lark- Here's a brick that will do it, newbie!
Roas (holding the tip of his stick at Skylark's throat)- Are you done?
Lark- Yeah, I'm done.
Roas- Good, I think you are, too.
Valius (patting Lark's shoulder)- Come on, let him have a little fun.
Roas- All right, Jean, you can go ahead and order yourself a Cosmopolitan. We'll just grab a cab home.
Lark- Actually, Valius has been sneaking me beers all night, and I'm quite drunk!
Roas- That's just great. (Valius lines up his cue for the next shot, but Roas suddenly grabs his stained bandaged hand.) Hey, Valius, why is this hand still bleeding?
Valius- I don't know. It's weird, because I cut myself shaving last week and it wouldn't stop bleeding.
(Roas and Lark exchange worried glances.)
One of the things that sucks about being a doctor is that you never miss a red flag.
Roas (sets down his stick)- Can I have you over here for two seconds? (Starts checking him over, then it cuts to him doing the same in the hospital.)
Valius- What the hell are you doing to me?
Roas- Just humor me, it's probably mono anyway.
Valius- Isn't that the kissing disease?
Roas- Yeah.
Valius- Score!
Roas (turning to Lark)- Your only job today is to get his test results back, you understand?
Valius (holding up his camera)- Hey, guys!
(They turn around, and Valius snaps a picture.)
Valius- See? Now, that's real.
(Cuts to Lark, Zero, Kiyone, and Solana in the cafeteria, eating lunch.)
Solana- So, it turns out, she didn't have an allergy after all because some idiot mislabeled her sample.
Zero- I was a heartbeat away from giving an appendicitis patient a package lobotomy! If I do my best, and I lose a patient, you know what? I can live with that. But if a clerical error is the reason that a guy's walking around with only the lonely? (Solana regards a cherry tomato on her fork, then puts it down.) Then, damn! That don't sit right with the big dog.
(Lark's pager goes off. He checks it, then rises.)
Lark- I'm with you, big dog. (Gives him a high five before leaving.)
I was paged because Valius' bloodwork was finally ready. Unfortunately, the chart wasn't in the 'out' box. I'd knock, but the hematopathologist is the meanest, intern-hatingest monster in this hospital.
Hiro (wringing his hands)- Don't be a chicken. If you need something, just go in and get it. (Enters the lab.) Uh, excuse me, sir?
(An inhuman howl replies, and Hiro starts screaming. A spray of blood appears on the door, with one of Hiro's hands slowly trailing through it.)
The truth is, the hematopathologist is the last person in this hospital that I wanted to deal with.
(He turns around to see Techno right behind him, then jumps.)
Lark- Why do you have to jump out and scare me all the time?!
Techno- I do not jump out and scare you! I follow you around all day. I've only got about an hour and a half's worth of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you like an animal.
Lark- You're kidding, right?
Techno (laughs)- I don't know. Am I? (Walks off, scratching his chin in consideration.)
(Skylark turns around, then sees a folder in the 'out' box.)
What? How did that get there?
(Cracks it open and takes a look.)
Come on, good news.
Kiyone- Hey, Bambi. Are you okay?
Hemophilia.
Lark- No...
(The door opens.) Remove him, Darrell. 
Stay with it, Solana.
You know, I may as well just give up the idea of being in a healthy, happy relationship and just go ahead and...and...and...