Post by Solana on May 8, 2009 21:15:55 GMT -5
(Camera comes in on an elaborately decorated bathroom done in ancient Greek/Roman styles. Propped up on a stool is an iPod playing 'Toto'.)
Living in a Shrine with so many female residents was certainly different. Every inch of the bathrooms was filled with girly stuff. There were lavender-scented candles, pink robes, bath salts, it was awesome.
(Cuts to Lark in the bathtub heaped with bubbles, a pink towel wrapped around his head.)
My first day off in weeks. Only one thing could make it better- cranking up the 'Toto'.
Lark (singing)- I've left the rain coming down, in Africa! (Notices a metal tin and picks it up to read.) 'Mango body butter'? (Sniffs and samples it, as his pager goes off.)
Even though it sucks being paged by an intern, there's nothing I like more than riding my scooter 'Sasha' through puddles after a rain. Here comes a biggun!
(The scooter and Lark disappear into one puddle, and only Lark emerges from another.)
Lark- Where was I?
(Cuts to a soaked Lark entering the hospital.)
Lark- You're not aware of any odd underground canal system beneath the hospital, are you? I think I saw a prinny.
Techno (wiping down some tools)- Was his name Julian?
Lark- We didn't exchange pleasantries.
Techno (nodding)- That's Julian. Watch it, wet paint. Serano's starting a new lines system to help people get around. Green's going to go to the smoker's lounge, blue to the ICU, yellow to all the exits.
Lark- What's red for?
Techno- Sneaker painting. (Proceeds to spray Lark's shoes bright red.)
(Cuts to Lark joining an intern standing near a patient's bed.)
Lark- Okay, I'm here, what's the emergency, Negative?
Negative- Well, do you want Master Lunn on infrectionated or low molecular weight Heprun?
Lark- They're the exact same thing. Every doctor here knows that. Why would you page me?
Roas- Because I told him to. >
And, I know what you're thinking, Lemia, why would I have your intern call you in on one of your very precious days off for something so gosh darn trivial? But the real question ought to be, why when YOU were an intern did you call me in time after time after time after time? So, now, to commemorate the first of many unnecessary disruptions of your life, I've invited Rune's church choir here to summarize my feelings in exuberant song.
(Pulls back curtain to reveal Rune, Ambrienne, Schala, Jessica, Luna, Mia, Lucia, Lemina, Jean, and Mauri in long yellow choir robes.)
All singing- Payback is a bitch! Ooh, payback is a bitch! Ohh, payback is a bitch! Yeah, payback is a bitch! Ohh, oooh...
Rune (solo)- Ohh, it's payback! Yeah, it's payback!
All singing- Payback is a bitch!
Rune (solo)- Payback!
All singing- Payback is a bitch!
Rune (solo)- Oh, Althena!
All singing- Payback is a bitch!
(Cuts to main theme song, then to Skylark trying to sneak out of the hospital.)
I've got to get back to the Shrine before anyone asks me to do stuff. (Spots Borgan.) Fat guy! Go! Go! Go! Move out! Move out!
(Borgan starts walking to the exit, Lark following behind with his head down.)
Thank you, fast food industry. (Walks out the door, but is soon escorted back in by Azreal.)
Azreal- Tsukoyamo, I need you to do the resident's call schedules for next month.
Lark- Sir, I'm not even supposed to be here.
Azreal- Ah, hear this, son. I was one of the most promising young short stops ever to come out of Prian. Then came the mixed bloods. Long story short, calling them all 'Half-Breed' was apparently just racist enough to get me a lifelong ban from the Galadinean Rookie League. Have the schedules on my desk by lunch. (Shoves a binder into Lark's hands.)
(Cuts to a couple cooing over their baby.)
Kiyone- Aww... that's going to be us someday.
Zero- How does that not make you nervous? I mean, what if our kid's out of control? Like, I was watching 'Naruto' last night, right? And Naruto got into the ramen. And baby, I mean all into the ramen!
Kiyone- Oh, Zero, that's a stupid anime!
(Lark and Zero both stare at her in horror.)
Kiyone- I mean, that's an anime.
Zero- What if the second our baby's born, I start screwing things up?
(Lark looks off to the side, then it cuts to Zero picking up a blanket-wrapped bundle from a bassinet and subsequently knocking down all the others a la dominoes. Lark shrugs and gets back to work, as Ninya comes up to the desk with Dante.)
Ninya- Okay, either the heat in my office is broken, or I drifted off and fantasized about Tenchi again.
Zero (laughing)- He's not even sexy! Right, baby?
Kiyone (eyes shut)- Oh, Tenchi, oh stop. (Blushing icon)
Zero- Baby!
Kiyone (opening her eyes)- Huh?
Ninya- Relax. She's only fantasizing because you don't satisfy her. Anywho, can someone take Dante for a minute?
Kiyone- No problem! (Comes to take Dante into her arms.) See, Zero, I'm great with kids! And I promise you don't even have to check in as a parent until it's time to teach your sons about hockey.
Zero- And satisfying women, cause I know how to satisfy a woman, right, baby?
Kiyone- I'm sure you can.
Zero- That's what I'm talking about.
Lark- Done, and I am outta here. (Pager goes off again.) Dammit!
(Cuts to Negative standing by the same bed again, looking a little nervous.)
Lark- Negative, you've got to stop paging me for totally unimportant things! (Looks down and blanches.) That man's chest cavity is completely open. I can see his heart beating!
Negative- He sneezed and all his surgical staples popped out!
Lark- Good page, Negative, good page!
(Solana strolls in, followed by a group of interns.)
Solana- Okay, rockters- that's my name for doctors who rock- (gives rock and roll sign) the next patient!
Ever since her fellowship, Solana loved that her interns saw her as an endocrinology expert.
Infiniti- Dr. Kesai, why would Mr. Bound develop new onset diabetes and high blood pressure simultaneously?
Solana- Well, as an endocrinology expert, (laughs) in my expert opinion, both can be expertly explained by a pituitary abnormal cushioning syndrome.
Roas- Hate to burst your ball there, Ecco, but your endocrinology fellowship lasted all of five days. Granted, to you, five days may seem like an eternity, seeing as it's roughly five times as long as any of your white pasty relationships lasted, but trust me, that hardly makes you an expert.
Solana- Oh, really? Because, you never went to assface school but you seem to be an expert at that. (Holds up hand.) Am I right?
Lark (rushing in and giving the high five)- Here's some!
Roas- You're going to high five that? Bi-ig mistake!
Lark- I didn't know what I was high fiving. I gotta stop doing that!
Solana (sniffing)- Did you eat my mango body butter?
Lark- No.
I shmeared it on a bagel.
(Cuts to Azreal working at his desk.)
Zero- Dr. Serano! S'up? Look, I just heard that we're doing our first ever inhouse heart transplant! Now, I know you'll be objective in choosing what surgical resident gets to assist, but I also thought that you might enjoy this commemorative Dr. Serano bobble head. (Whips it out from behind his back.)
Azreal- Ohh, bobble heads. You always think you're going to get bored with them, but you never do. (Starts tapping it.) Bobbley, bobbley, bobbley...
Zero- Sir?
Azreal- Huh? Oh, Zero, you're still here. Did you honestly think you'd be the only surgeon to walk in here and try to bribe me? (Points to a group of surgeons with gift baskets and...other gifts ready as bribes.)
Azreal- None of you will be assisting on anything because we still don't have a donor heart. Last night, Mr. Bolger here was declared brain dead. We have to convince his family to pull the plug and give us his heart. Whichever of you Benihana rejects pulls this off, gets the operation. Go!
(Cuts to Lark working on patient with the open chest.)
Darrell- My band has decided we're only singing songs from classic movies now.
Lark (holding up bloody hands)- Darrell, I'm a little busy, okay? Toodles!
Aryn- Dr. Kesai, what are the possible cardiac complications to thyroid toxicosis?
Solana (coughs)- Um, hold on, I just have to blow my nose. (Picks up a tissue box with textbook pages taped on the bottom.)
Even though I was happy for Solana the endocrinology expert, I still couldn't figure out how she knew so damn much.
(Blinds rise to show Darrell, Darknight, Anon, and Mystere singing 'He's a Maniac')
Darrell (singing)- Just a steel-town girl on a Saturday night, looking for the final delight...
Solana- To answer your question, thyroid toxicosis can manifest from incessant cardial myopathy.
(The band keeps singing as Solana next goes into a supply closet, using a flashlight to read from a propped-up book on a shelf. Then it cuts to her leaning against a wall, waving as a doctor goes by and opening up the paper-covered blinds.)
Darrell (pouring a bucket of water over his head)- She's a maniac, maniac, oh, no no!
(Cuts to Solana reading a paper posted in a bed pan.)
Darrell- And she's dancing like she's never danced before!
Roas (addressing a group of interns)- Even though Mr. Langley has pancreatitis, it is most likely secondary to gall stones.
Solana (banging on the bed pan)- Noooo, Roas! Mr. Langley's pancreatitis is mostly likely due to Type I hyperprotein anemia as demonstrated by the uroptezones on his tendon!
Interns- Oooo!
Roas- Interns, flee! Now! (They obey.) Now, there is just NO WAY you could have known that off the top of that multi-colored scarecrow head of yours!
Solana- Hold on, I need to take a quick mental picture of your total humiliation. (Holds up hands to take a pretend photo.) Got it!
Roas- There are actually many things in life that I've yet to figure out, like why people go to soccer games when they could go to a Celtics basketball game instead. Or why, and yes, I'm complaining, Kobe Bryant is still living and breathing when he deserves to be burning in the Nine Hells. But, of all my endless queries, the one thing that I damn sure will be figuring out and soon is how you keep coming up with all these fancy pants answers. It is, for all intents and purposes, like they're falling from the sky!
Living in a Shrine with so many female residents was certainly different. Every inch of the bathrooms was filled with girly stuff. There were lavender-scented candles, pink robes, bath salts, it was awesome.
(Cuts to Lark in the bathtub heaped with bubbles, a pink towel wrapped around his head.)
My first day off in weeks. Only one thing could make it better- cranking up the 'Toto'.
Lark (singing)- I've left the rain coming down, in Africa! (Notices a metal tin and picks it up to read.) 'Mango body butter'? (Sniffs and samples it, as his pager goes off.)
Even though it sucks being paged by an intern, there's nothing I like more than riding my scooter 'Sasha' through puddles after a rain. Here comes a biggun!
(The scooter and Lark disappear into one puddle, and only Lark emerges from another.)
Lark- Where was I?
(Cuts to a soaked Lark entering the hospital.)
Lark- You're not aware of any odd underground canal system beneath the hospital, are you? I think I saw a prinny.
Techno (wiping down some tools)- Was his name Julian?
Lark- We didn't exchange pleasantries.
Techno (nodding)- That's Julian. Watch it, wet paint. Serano's starting a new lines system to help people get around. Green's going to go to the smoker's lounge, blue to the ICU, yellow to all the exits.
Lark- What's red for?
Techno- Sneaker painting. (Proceeds to spray Lark's shoes bright red.)
(Cuts to Lark joining an intern standing near a patient's bed.)
Lark- Okay, I'm here, what's the emergency, Negative?
Negative- Well, do you want Master Lunn on infrectionated or low molecular weight Heprun?
Lark- They're the exact same thing. Every doctor here knows that. Why would you page me?
Roas- Because I told him to. >
And, I know what you're thinking, Lemia, why would I have your intern call you in on one of your very precious days off for something so gosh darn trivial? But the real question ought to be, why when YOU were an intern did you call me in time after time after time after time? So, now, to commemorate the first of many unnecessary disruptions of your life, I've invited Rune's church choir here to summarize my feelings in exuberant song. (Pulls back curtain to reveal Rune, Ambrienne, Schala, Jessica, Luna, Mia, Lucia, Lemina, Jean, and Mauri in long yellow choir robes.)
All singing- Payback is a bitch! Ooh, payback is a bitch! Ohh, payback is a bitch! Yeah, payback is a bitch! Ohh, oooh...
Rune (solo)- Ohh, it's payback! Yeah, it's payback!
All singing- Payback is a bitch!
Rune (solo)- Payback!
All singing- Payback is a bitch!
Rune (solo)- Oh, Althena!
All singing- Payback is a bitch!
(Cuts to main theme song, then to Skylark trying to sneak out of the hospital.)
I've got to get back to the Shrine before anyone asks me to do stuff. (Spots Borgan.) Fat guy! Go! Go! Go! Move out! Move out!
(Borgan starts walking to the exit, Lark following behind with his head down.)
Thank you, fast food industry. (Walks out the door, but is soon escorted back in by Azreal.)
Azreal- Tsukoyamo, I need you to do the resident's call schedules for next month.
Lark- Sir, I'm not even supposed to be here.
Azreal- Ah, hear this, son. I was one of the most promising young short stops ever to come out of Prian. Then came the mixed bloods. Long story short, calling them all 'Half-Breed' was apparently just racist enough to get me a lifelong ban from the Galadinean Rookie League. Have the schedules on my desk by lunch. (Shoves a binder into Lark's hands.)
(Cuts to a couple cooing over their baby.)
Kiyone- Aww... that's going to be us someday.
Zero- How does that not make you nervous? I mean, what if our kid's out of control? Like, I was watching 'Naruto' last night, right? And Naruto got into the ramen. And baby, I mean all into the ramen!
Kiyone- Oh, Zero, that's a stupid anime!
(Lark and Zero both stare at her in horror.)
Kiyone- I mean, that's an anime.
Zero- What if the second our baby's born, I start screwing things up?
(Lark looks off to the side, then it cuts to Zero picking up a blanket-wrapped bundle from a bassinet and subsequently knocking down all the others a la dominoes. Lark shrugs and gets back to work, as Ninya comes up to the desk with Dante.)
Ninya- Okay, either the heat in my office is broken, or I drifted off and fantasized about Tenchi again.
Zero (laughing)- He's not even sexy! Right, baby?
Kiyone (eyes shut)- Oh, Tenchi, oh stop. (Blushing icon)
Zero- Baby!
Kiyone (opening her eyes)- Huh?
Ninya- Relax. She's only fantasizing because you don't satisfy her. Anywho, can someone take Dante for a minute?
Kiyone- No problem! (Comes to take Dante into her arms.) See, Zero, I'm great with kids! And I promise you don't even have to check in as a parent until it's time to teach your sons about hockey.
Zero- And satisfying women, cause I know how to satisfy a woman, right, baby?
Kiyone- I'm sure you can.
Zero- That's what I'm talking about.
Lark- Done, and I am outta here. (Pager goes off again.) Dammit!
(Cuts to Negative standing by the same bed again, looking a little nervous.)
Lark- Negative, you've got to stop paging me for totally unimportant things! (Looks down and blanches.) That man's chest cavity is completely open. I can see his heart beating!
Negative- He sneezed and all his surgical staples popped out!
Lark- Good page, Negative, good page!
(Solana strolls in, followed by a group of interns.)
Solana- Okay, rockters- that's my name for doctors who rock- (gives rock and roll sign) the next patient!
Ever since her fellowship, Solana loved that her interns saw her as an endocrinology expert.
Infiniti- Dr. Kesai, why would Mr. Bound develop new onset diabetes and high blood pressure simultaneously?
Solana- Well, as an endocrinology expert, (laughs) in my expert opinion, both can be expertly explained by a pituitary abnormal cushioning syndrome.
Roas- Hate to burst your ball there, Ecco, but your endocrinology fellowship lasted all of five days. Granted, to you, five days may seem like an eternity, seeing as it's roughly five times as long as any of your white pasty relationships lasted, but trust me, that hardly makes you an expert.
Solana- Oh, really? Because, you never went to assface school but you seem to be an expert at that. (Holds up hand.) Am I right?
Lark (rushing in and giving the high five)- Here's some!
Roas- You're going to high five that? Bi-ig mistake!
Lark- I didn't know what I was high fiving. I gotta stop doing that!
Solana (sniffing)- Did you eat my mango body butter?
Lark- No.
I shmeared it on a bagel.
(Cuts to Azreal working at his desk.)
Zero- Dr. Serano! S'up? Look, I just heard that we're doing our first ever inhouse heart transplant! Now, I know you'll be objective in choosing what surgical resident gets to assist, but I also thought that you might enjoy this commemorative Dr. Serano bobble head. (Whips it out from behind his back.)
Azreal- Ohh, bobble heads. You always think you're going to get bored with them, but you never do. (Starts tapping it.) Bobbley, bobbley, bobbley...
Zero- Sir?
Azreal- Huh? Oh, Zero, you're still here. Did you honestly think you'd be the only surgeon to walk in here and try to bribe me? (Points to a group of surgeons with gift baskets and...other gifts ready as bribes.)
Azreal- None of you will be assisting on anything because we still don't have a donor heart. Last night, Mr. Bolger here was declared brain dead. We have to convince his family to pull the plug and give us his heart. Whichever of you Benihana rejects pulls this off, gets the operation. Go!
(Cuts to Lark working on patient with the open chest.)
Darrell- My band has decided we're only singing songs from classic movies now.
Lark (holding up bloody hands)- Darrell, I'm a little busy, okay? Toodles!
Aryn- Dr. Kesai, what are the possible cardiac complications to thyroid toxicosis?
Solana (coughs)- Um, hold on, I just have to blow my nose. (Picks up a tissue box with textbook pages taped on the bottom.)
Even though I was happy for Solana the endocrinology expert, I still couldn't figure out how she knew so damn much.
(Blinds rise to show Darrell, Darknight, Anon, and Mystere singing 'He's a Maniac')
Darrell (singing)- Just a steel-town girl on a Saturday night, looking for the final delight...
Solana- To answer your question, thyroid toxicosis can manifest from incessant cardial myopathy.
(The band keeps singing as Solana next goes into a supply closet, using a flashlight to read from a propped-up book on a shelf. Then it cuts to her leaning against a wall, waving as a doctor goes by and opening up the paper-covered blinds.)
Darrell (pouring a bucket of water over his head)- She's a maniac, maniac, oh, no no!
(Cuts to Solana reading a paper posted in a bed pan.)
Darrell- And she's dancing like she's never danced before!
Roas (addressing a group of interns)- Even though Mr. Langley has pancreatitis, it is most likely secondary to gall stones.
Solana (banging on the bed pan)- Noooo, Roas! Mr. Langley's pancreatitis is mostly likely due to Type I hyperprotein anemia as demonstrated by the uroptezones on his tendon!
Interns- Oooo!
Roas- Interns, flee! Now! (They obey.) Now, there is just NO WAY you could have known that off the top of that multi-colored scarecrow head of yours!
Solana- Hold on, I need to take a quick mental picture of your total humiliation. (Holds up hands to take a pretend photo.) Got it!
Roas- There are actually many things in life that I've yet to figure out, like why people go to soccer games when they could go to a Celtics basketball game instead. Or why, and yes, I'm complaining, Kobe Bryant is still living and breathing when he deserves to be burning in the Nine Hells. But, of all my endless queries, the one thing that I damn sure will be figuring out and soon is how you keep coming up with all these fancy pants answers. It is, for all intents and purposes, like they're falling from the sky!
Um...