Post by skylark on May 9, 2009 23:55:41 GMT -5
We open to one of the large open patient rooms. Lark is wheeling a patient on a wheelchair. Hiro is headed the opposite direction, wheeling a body into the morgue.
Hiro: Hey, Lark. You keep wheeling 'em in, I'll keep wheeling 'em out.
Lark: Awesome... appropriateness, Hiro... >_<
Sae and Infiniti are talking, with Sae leaving as Lark heads to the nurse's desk.
Lark: Fin it's time for our sponge bath. *as Infiniti wheels the patient away* Thank you, Fin.
Rune: Hey, why was your baby girl dressed like Julius Caesar this morning?
Lark: Oh, I don't have clothes for Kalia in my house, *Roas looks concerned* so I just cut arm and leg holes in my pillowcase. The gold belt was just so she didn't feel ridiculous.
Kiyone: Lark, you're a parent now. You've got to be better prepared.
Zero: Yep, that's why we just stocked up on extra baby oil lotion and diapers.
Kyle: Why, is there a party this weekend?
Everyone freezes in place as Kyle looks around, confused.
Recently, we realized that with Kyle, if we didn't move, and stayed very quiet, he'd eventually get confused and leave.
And indeed, Kyle eventually leaves. And immediately, Roas moves and sets his charts into the file.
Roas: Aaanyway, much like one-hit-wonder Natalie Embruglia, I am torn. You see, on one hand, I am tempted to side with the Soul Stealers *Zero and Kiyone shoot him a surprised look*. You do need to buy Kalia some clothes. On the other hand, ever since you two made a baby, you've become an even more annoying two-headed know-it-all.
Zero: *Imitates beams deflecting off a barrier* Ping ping!
Kiyone: You hear that, Roas? That's the sound of your hate bouncing off of our love.
Zero: *imitates again* Ping ping ping!
Roas: *groans and walks off*
Azreal Serano shows up unannounced as usual, with Darrell in tow.
Azreal: Attention, dum-dums! Many of you have been disregarding the hospital's 12-hour shift policy. Now, I don't care if you think your patients need you, when your shift is over, I want you to go home to your sad empty lives. Tired doctors make mistakes, and the hospital is liable. Believe me, you do not want to find yourself in the court of law. Tell 'em what happens there, Darrell.
Darrell: Well, they'll all wear long black robes, and beautiful white curly wigs.
Azreal: *annoyed* That's Tamur, Darrell.
Darrell: Are you sure?
Azreal: Anyway... From now on, anyone caught working after their shift is over will be sent home immediately and docked a full day's pay. Ciao.
Azreal and Darrell pass Schala.
Now, Solana was not in the hospital today due to an unavoidable private practice seminar. Her recent patient was thus transferred over to Schala for care.
Schala: Well Marian, your hepetitus test came back negative.
Marian: That's good, right?
Schala: Yes and no. We still don't know what's wrong with you.
Marian: You'll figure it out. You're a good doctor.
Schala: *laughs lightly* Will do.
Schala leaves the room. As soon as she's out of earshot, she sighs.
Sadoul: Hey, I'm going to lunch. I took her culture to the lab for you.
Schala: Thanks, Sadoul.
Sadoul: Yeah... *leaves*
Lark: Wow. Sounds like he's finally over you.
Schala: No, he's still alternating between angry name-calling and whiny pleas to get back together. *cell phone rings* Although he did agree to be civil while he's inside the hospital. Hello?
We see the doors to the hospital gate open. Sadoul is on a cell phone, apparently crying.
Sadoul: Why won't you love meeee?!!
Cut back to Lark and Schala.
Schala: *grumbles* See you tomorrow, Sadoul... *hangs up*
Lark: Can you believe that only a month ago, you were gonna marry him, but it all fell apart after we had that 'almost moment' in the on call room?
The sound of a record scratching is heard as the scene freezes.
Okay, I should probably clarify. For those of you who just walked in the theater, here's a little recap. *deep breath* About a few weeks after we started going out, by some twisted fluke, I had gotten Schala pregnant with Kalia. After following her to Zeal for her ultrasound, she told me it was a miscarriage. So imagine my surprise when months later, I find her by chance in a medical seminar still pregnant. I was not happy that she lied and didn't trust me to help her take care of Kalia, and against my better judgement, I let EVERYBODY know it. That... didn't go over so well. However, when Kalia was finally born, things sort of smoothed out between us. Needless to say, though, things were still a little sour. *phew...*
Lark: You know... we never talked about that.
Schala: What's there to talk about? You just tried to kiss me. *leaves*
I tried to kiss her? What the hell?! (Lark makes an appropriate face) Wait a second, there's nobody here to see my 'what the hell' face!
Cut to lounge to Roas reading a newspaper. He lowers it to find Lark still making his 'what the hell' face.
Roas: What is it? And make it quick so you don't bore me.
Lark: A few months ago, Schala and I almost kissed, but now she's sayin-
Roas: *sigh* You tried your best, now leave me alone. *goes back to his paper*
We see Aryn and Ambrienne enter the lounge.
Ambrienne: Aryn, you're up. A genetic defect that presents with anemia and causes copper buildup in the liver and other organs, destroying them.
Aryn: What is... Wilson's disease?
Ambrienne: Yes...
Aryn: *gets up, gloating* Yes! In your face! In your face!
Roas: What annoying thing is happening now?
Lark: They're playing Diagnosis Jeopardy. When you win, you get to gloat. It's so stupid.
Roas: You never got to gloat, did you?
Lark: I don't believe in gloating. It's tacky.
Aryn: A condition in which the patient speaks in previously unknown dialect due to severe brain trauma.
Lark: What is Foreign Accent Syndrome?! Yes! In your faces! Or should I say, 'In yo faycays'?! Ello' guvnah! Throw another shrimp on the baa'bie for me! *normal* Wait, that's Irish...
Roas: You're an idiot. *gets up* Now, I have to go start work, because in spite of all of you, I'm going to have a great day. *opens lounge door to leave*
Cuts immediately to Roas entering Dante and Ilayne's room. Ninya is sitting on the bed with little Dante, holding little Ilayne with one arm and a storybook in the other.
Roas: That was the worst day I ever had.
Dante: Daddy's home!
Roas: Come here kiddo, give me a hug here. Love you puppies. Good night.
Ninya: Where the hell are you going? It's your night to tell them a story.
Roas: Oh no no no no no, I couldn't be more wiped out.
Ninya: The nanny's mom died, and I had to spend the whole day sprinting around the house just to avoid having a conversation with her! You don't see me crying about it! Suck it up and spin a yarn!
Dante: Yeah, Dad. Suck it up!
Ilayne: *laughs*
Ninya:
Roas: >_< Okay, okay. *finds an empty spot on the bed* Will do.
The story begins as the scene changes to the hospital.
Roas: *focus on Kiyone and Zero* There was a nurse, a sugeon... *focus on Schala* a doctor... *focus on Lark, wearing a ridiculous orange hat* and an idiot.
Lark: Does this hat make me look fly?
Back to reality for a moment.
Ninya: Roas, he's four. No hospital stories.
Roas nods and starts again. There is no hospital, but the scenery is now that of a medieval fantasy.
Roas: Fine. *focus on Kiyone and Zero... sharing one body, with Kiyone on the left and Zero on the right* There was once a two-headed witch... *focus on Schala, wearing a (gasp) violet dress, who curtsies* a princess... *focus on Lark, dressed in peasantries and a jester's hat* and a village idiot.
Lark: Does this hat make me look fly-eth? It jingles when I shake it. *does so, and the bells jingle*
*Opening theme.*
Reality. Dante is tucked into bed.
Roas: You good?
Dante: Yep.
Roas: Okay, here we go... Once upon a time...
Roas begins his story. The backdrop changes to a medieval village.
Roas: A long time ago, there was a place known as Sacred Shrinia...
Rune: *in peasant clothes* Dammit, golem! Why is this village so filthy?
Techno: *dressed up to look like a golem* Well, irritable spirit of Chinese origin, it could be because this towns roads are paved with mud! Or maybe it's because I've been swabbing everyone's porch with Zophar's Blood. *laughs* I jest. Only yours. You know why? You've been telling everyone I eat babies! I don't eat babies! With babies, it's a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips! I eat toddlers.
*Hiro comes up pushing the 'deadwagon'.*
Hiro: *motioning to Rune* I thought you said she'd be dead already?
Techno: *aside* Come back later... *normally* Say, do you have any babies- *catches himself* toddlers... on that cart?
Hiro: *checks the cart* Nope.
Techno: Oh well. Off to work. *leaves with mop over his shoulder*
We cut to a simple house in a wooded clearing. Schala paces in front of it.
Roas (Narration): On the outskirts of town, the princess' handmaiden was in dire straits, so her highness sent out a call for help.
Lark is seen walking towards Schala.
Lark: Good morrow. ^_^
Schala: *disappointed* That's funny. I requested someone strong and brave, yet here stands the village idiot. >_<
Lark:
Hey, I'm brave! I just saved this fish from drowing. *pulls a catfish from his pocket*
Schala:
Lark: Off you go, little buddy. *puts the fish down, which lies dead* He's just tired. Earlier, he was dancing all around. ^_^
Schala:
Schala groans as Lark tries to convince the dead fish to 'run and be free'.
Roas (Narration): Now, this was no ordinary idiot. He was a collosall idiot. He was such an idiot that other idiots would-
Back to reality for a moment.
Jack: Daddy!
Roas: Sorry man. I just wanted to be real clear on how much of an idiot this guy actually was. Where was I?
Back to the story.
Roas (Narration): In any case, the princess and the idiot had a sordid past.
Lark: Look, Your Highness, I just came by to ask you to apologize for saying I tried to kiss you when, in fact, it was your royal tongue that tried to storm my mouthcastle.
Schala: Hmmm... that's not how I recall it.
Lark: Come on! You closed your eyes and started heaving your busoms up and down and up and down...
Schala: Yeah, it's called breathing. *looks at her chest* I'm doing it now.
Lark: I know... Can I rest my face upon them and ponder what you said?
Schala: No!
Lark: Okay...
Schala: My poor maiden is being tormented by a terrible monster! She grows weaker by the minute!
Lark: A monster? *goes to the window* I know she's ill, but I think it's a bit of a stretch to say that it's the work of a monster.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a tarasque presses its face to the window, causing our poor village idiot to jump back in shock. The window coverings close.
Lark: There's a monster in there...
Lark and Schala open the coverings to Marian's hospital room, where we return to reality for a moment.
Schala: Lark, she's febrile, her liver's enlarged and her kidneys are shutting down. Are you going to help me or not?
??: I will!
The sound of a horse neighing is heard and we return to the fantasy world. Sadoul is riding said horse.
Schala: Sadoul?
Sadoul: Perhaps if I can save your maiden, the soul of your heart will soften, and I can once again plant the seed of our love.
Schala: *groan* Yeah look Prince. This... *points between herself and Sadoul* is not happening. Time to move on. And if you don't mind I'd like to have back the key to my chastity belt.
Sadoul grumbles a "Fine.", but complies, tossing the key to Schala, then gallops away.
Sadoul: Come, Peppermint...
We then see Lark and Schala's feet, where said chastity belt drops.
Schala: *sighs in relief* That is gonna make so many things so much easier.
Lark: Why did you send him away? We could have used his help.
Suddenly, in a puff of purple smoke, the two headed witch of Zero and Kiyone appears, coughing.
Zero/Kiyone: *alternating* We can help, Your Highness.
Roas (Narration): Zerone was once two seperate witches, but ever since they got married, they merged into one. *as Zero's half does something inappropriate to Kiyone's half* It made for some... awkward situations.
Zero/Kiyone: That's what I'm talking about. *Zero laughs*
Schala: Zerone, how can we defeat the monster?
Zero/Kiyone: We must go to the... delicatessen.
Kiyone: What?
Schala: I think they just did that alternating words thing to bug me... >_>
Kiyone: Now, meet us at the potion shop so we can get a spell to stop that monster.
Zero: But first we must stop at the drugstore! *quietly* I need to pick up something for her time of the month...
Kiyone: 'Our' time of the month.
Zero: *on the verge of crying* Is that why I keep crying for no damn reason?! Cause I didn't ask for this! ...Do we look fat?
Lark and Schala give them a weird look.
Kiyone: We look beautiful.
Zero: Really?
Kiyone: Yeah.
'Zerone' disappears in another puff of smoke.
Schala: How are we gonna get there?
Lark: Don't worry. I have a sweet ride.
Back in the village, Lark and Schala ride into town on a donkey.
Schala: This is mortifying... ;_;
Lark: Don't listen to her, Sasha.
Schala: *strangely interested* Idiot, I have to ask... how do you get your hair like that?
Lark: You like it? I do it myself. It's one part Dragon Diamond 'extract' *Schala twists her face to disgust*, one part Lyton River mud, and a touch of my secret ingredient.
More Dragon Diamond 'extract'.
Schala: Uh oh. It's the Dark Lord's toady.
Darrell appears, red boil-skinned and hunch-backed, hair sticking out wildly.
Darrell: My master approaches! Prepare yourselves for his untamed vengeance!
In a column of gold fire, Azreal appears... much as he did in Children of Fate. Villagers scream and scramble away.
Roas (Narration): The Dark Lord Serano was the evil ruler of the entire land.
Azreal: Hey gang. How you holding up? That is a sharp-looking donkey.
Lark: *to Schala* Told you!
Azreal: *demonic Soul Edge voice* NO SPEAKING!!! A warning to all! Any who dare step foot in my Forbidden Forest shall therefore disappear!!
Hiro: I was in the Forbidden Forest earlier today and I'm still here. *laughs... but...* Where did he go?
Azreal suddenly appears behind him, puts a hand on his shoulder, and he disappears in gold fire.
Reality
Azreal: Hiro's shift ended twenty minutes ago and he was still here, so now he's going home without pay. If anyone would like to join him, test me!
Hiro: Can I at least get that body downstairs?
Indeed, the elevator door has been opening and closing on a body bag.
Azreal: I said OUT!!!
Hiro scrams.
Azreal: *to Darrell* Take care of that...
Darrell leans forward to lift the body, and a audible crack is heard.
Darrell: Ow! Man... there goes my back...
Darrell drops the body and walks away, much like his hunch-backed counterpart.
Cut to Lark and Schala walking towards Zero and Kiyone.
Schala: Guys, were you able to get that seedith test I ordered?
Zero: Lab's all backed up.
Lark: We need those results now.
Back to the story...
Kiyone: I'll handle this.
Zero: I'll stay here.
Kiyone: *grumbles* Goddess help me, I wish you could...
Zero: *imitates poorly*
Kiyone: >_>...
Zerone enters the potion shop.
Kiyone: We need a monster-fighting potion!
Ronfar: Sorry, this customer's next.
The customer turns around. It's a small, winged Kyle.
Kiyone: What the hell are you?
Kyle: I'm the Fairy Kyle-something.
Kiyone: Well, step aside, lest ye be dealt with. Zero! Wand!
Zero: Yeah, about the wand, I might have given it to the Idiot.
Indeed, Lark is using said wand to scratch his hindquarters. A puff of magic later...
Lark: Oh man... *he and Schala stare at his new cat tail* I'm a furry... >_<
Schala:
Kyle: You know, I have a big wand if you want to hold it. Of course, when it comes to magic, I just do this. *waves hands around really fast and Ronfar's clothes change to his Lunar: EB outfit* Fairy Five!
Reality
Zero has his hand up, but Kiyone gives him a dirty look.
Kiyone: Zero, no!
Zero and Kyle's faces fall in disappointment.
Kiyone: You don't let us go first, I'll never let him high-five you again.
Kyle conceeds and lets them go ahead. Kiyone goes first.
Kyle: Can I Still Get A High-Five Five?
Zero: No problem.
They five.
Kyle: I love slapping people five.
Meanwhile, Techno walks by Lark and Schala, his shoe untied.
Lark: Your shoelace is untied.
Techno: Hey, thanks man. *goes to tie shoe* You know how dangerous this is? My uncle's whole family was killed by an untied lace. X-Mas morning, they were all running down the stairs and tripped... and then a madman hacked them all to pieces. I owe you one. *leaves*
Lark: *horrified* Can't wait...
Zero and Kiyone appear behind them.
Kiyone: Guess who got the lab results.
Schala: *takes the paper* You guys are amazing. *Kiyone and Zero bump fists... but...* Damn, the seedith is negative... She's getting worse, and we're no closer to figuring out why... I've got to page him...
Everyone's faces fall at the news...
Back in the story, Schala sends a messenger dove away.
Schala: And now we wait...
Lark: *to Zerone* Hey, can you get rid of this tail?
Zero: No problem, buddy.
Kiyone rips the tail out with a sickening sound.
Lark: Ow!! I meant with magic!! >_<
Horse gallops can be heard.
Kiyone: He's here...
Roas (Narration): And then, before them, appeared the bravest, most handsome knight that any of them had ever seen.
A beautiful horse gallops to the group. Jumping off it is Roas... in full-powered Glaive Armor, Jade and Pearl by his sides.
Roas: *to Schala* Princess...
Schala curtsies.
Roas: ... *to Lark* Princess...
Lark: >_<...
Lark reluctantly does the same.
Schala: Brave Warrior, my poor maiden is being held captive by a terrible monster that can't be beaten.
Roas: There is no such thing as a monster that can't be beaten. *to Lark* Hey you. *tosses a silver to him* Valet this, will ya?
Lark: >_>...
Roas heads into the house...
Lark: *to Zero* You know, I miss hanging out with you. Alone.
Zero: There's not much I can do.
Lark: Last night, I had some grog with a guy whose hutmaid is a barrel maker. Let's just say, the guy has a saw.
Kiyone: Be careful, or I'll make your chin disappear. Oh! Too late! *snickers*
Lark: That's not nice... >_<
Schala: Look! The battle has begun...
Inside the house, Roas stares down the tarasque.
Roas: My name is Roas Atradas. You're killing my friend. Prepare to die.
The tarasque roars. Roas unsheaths his swords with a flourish. With a shout, he cleaves the creature's head in two. Suddenly, the head reforms, its face changing into white with red eyes and needle teeth. Zeriam.
Roas: That's new...
The others are watching behind the window.
Zero: I don't know what's scarier: The monster, or that scary old lady!
Lark: What scary old lady...?
From out of the nearby brush pops a scary old lady... that suspiciously looks somewhat like Ninya. She roars.
Reality... Roas and Dante scream. Ninya had poked her head in the door, her face covered in a beauty mask.
Ninya: Very funny. Roas, it's his bedtime.
Roas: But Ninyaaaa...!
&
Dante: But Mom...!
Ninya: No buts. Lights out.
And the wicked immortal flicks the light switch...
Hiro: Hey, Lark. You keep wheeling 'em in, I'll keep wheeling 'em out.
Lark: Awesome... appropriateness, Hiro... >_<
Sae and Infiniti are talking, with Sae leaving as Lark heads to the nurse's desk.
Lark: Fin it's time for our sponge bath. *as Infiniti wheels the patient away* Thank you, Fin.
Rune: Hey, why was your baby girl dressed like Julius Caesar this morning?
Lark: Oh, I don't have clothes for Kalia in my house, *Roas looks concerned* so I just cut arm and leg holes in my pillowcase. The gold belt was just so she didn't feel ridiculous.
Kiyone: Lark, you're a parent now. You've got to be better prepared.
Zero: Yep, that's why we just stocked up on extra baby oil lotion and diapers.
Kyle: Why, is there a party this weekend?
Everyone freezes in place as Kyle looks around, confused.
Recently, we realized that with Kyle, if we didn't move, and stayed very quiet, he'd eventually get confused and leave.
And indeed, Kyle eventually leaves. And immediately, Roas moves and sets his charts into the file.
Roas: Aaanyway, much like one-hit-wonder Natalie Embruglia, I am torn. You see, on one hand, I am tempted to side with the Soul Stealers *Zero and Kiyone shoot him a surprised look*. You do need to buy Kalia some clothes. On the other hand, ever since you two made a baby, you've become an even more annoying two-headed know-it-all.
Zero: *Imitates beams deflecting off a barrier* Ping ping!
Kiyone: You hear that, Roas? That's the sound of your hate bouncing off of our love.
Zero: *imitates again* Ping ping ping!
Roas: *groans and walks off*
Azreal Serano shows up unannounced as usual, with Darrell in tow.
Azreal: Attention, dum-dums! Many of you have been disregarding the hospital's 12-hour shift policy. Now, I don't care if you think your patients need you, when your shift is over, I want you to go home to your sad empty lives. Tired doctors make mistakes, and the hospital is liable. Believe me, you do not want to find yourself in the court of law. Tell 'em what happens there, Darrell.
Darrell: Well, they'll all wear long black robes, and beautiful white curly wigs.
Azreal: *annoyed* That's Tamur, Darrell.
Darrell: Are you sure?
Azreal: Anyway... From now on, anyone caught working after their shift is over will be sent home immediately and docked a full day's pay. Ciao.
Azreal and Darrell pass Schala.
Now, Solana was not in the hospital today due to an unavoidable private practice seminar. Her recent patient was thus transferred over to Schala for care.
Schala: Well Marian, your hepetitus test came back negative.
Marian: That's good, right?
Schala: Yes and no. We still don't know what's wrong with you.
Marian: You'll figure it out. You're a good doctor.
Schala: *laughs lightly* Will do.
Schala leaves the room. As soon as she's out of earshot, she sighs.
Sadoul: Hey, I'm going to lunch. I took her culture to the lab for you.
Schala: Thanks, Sadoul.
Sadoul: Yeah... *leaves*
Lark: Wow. Sounds like he's finally over you.
Schala: No, he's still alternating between angry name-calling and whiny pleas to get back together. *cell phone rings* Although he did agree to be civil while he's inside the hospital. Hello?
We see the doors to the hospital gate open. Sadoul is on a cell phone, apparently crying.
Sadoul: Why won't you love meeee?!!
Cut back to Lark and Schala.
Schala: *grumbles* See you tomorrow, Sadoul... *hangs up*
Lark: Can you believe that only a month ago, you were gonna marry him, but it all fell apart after we had that 'almost moment' in the on call room?
The sound of a record scratching is heard as the scene freezes.
Okay, I should probably clarify. For those of you who just walked in the theater, here's a little recap. *deep breath* About a few weeks after we started going out, by some twisted fluke, I had gotten Schala pregnant with Kalia. After following her to Zeal for her ultrasound, she told me it was a miscarriage. So imagine my surprise when months later, I find her by chance in a medical seminar still pregnant. I was not happy that she lied and didn't trust me to help her take care of Kalia, and against my better judgement, I let EVERYBODY know it. That... didn't go over so well. However, when Kalia was finally born, things sort of smoothed out between us. Needless to say, though, things were still a little sour. *phew...*
Lark: You know... we never talked about that.
Schala: What's there to talk about? You just tried to kiss me. *leaves*
I tried to kiss her? What the hell?! (Lark makes an appropriate face) Wait a second, there's nobody here to see my 'what the hell' face!
Cut to lounge to Roas reading a newspaper. He lowers it to find Lark still making his 'what the hell' face.
Roas: What is it? And make it quick so you don't bore me.
Lark: A few months ago, Schala and I almost kissed, but now she's sayin-
Roas: *sigh* You tried your best, now leave me alone. *goes back to his paper*
We see Aryn and Ambrienne enter the lounge.
Ambrienne: Aryn, you're up. A genetic defect that presents with anemia and causes copper buildup in the liver and other organs, destroying them.
Aryn: What is... Wilson's disease?
Ambrienne: Yes...
Aryn: *gets up, gloating* Yes! In your face! In your face!
Roas: What annoying thing is happening now?
Lark: They're playing Diagnosis Jeopardy. When you win, you get to gloat. It's so stupid.
Roas: You never got to gloat, did you?
Lark: I don't believe in gloating. It's tacky.
Aryn: A condition in which the patient speaks in previously unknown dialect due to severe brain trauma.
Lark: What is Foreign Accent Syndrome?! Yes! In your faces! Or should I say, 'In yo faycays'?! Ello' guvnah! Throw another shrimp on the baa'bie for me! *normal* Wait, that's Irish...
Roas: You're an idiot. *gets up* Now, I have to go start work, because in spite of all of you, I'm going to have a great day. *opens lounge door to leave*
Cuts immediately to Roas entering Dante and Ilayne's room. Ninya is sitting on the bed with little Dante, holding little Ilayne with one arm and a storybook in the other.
Roas: That was the worst day I ever had.
Dante: Daddy's home!
Roas: Come here kiddo, give me a hug here. Love you puppies. Good night.
Ninya: Where the hell are you going? It's your night to tell them a story.
Roas: Oh no no no no no, I couldn't be more wiped out.
Ninya: The nanny's mom died, and I had to spend the whole day sprinting around the house just to avoid having a conversation with her! You don't see me crying about it! Suck it up and spin a yarn!
Dante: Yeah, Dad. Suck it up!
Ilayne: *laughs*
Ninya:
Roas: >_< Okay, okay. *finds an empty spot on the bed* Will do.
The story begins as the scene changes to the hospital.
Roas: *focus on Kiyone and Zero* There was a nurse, a sugeon... *focus on Schala* a doctor... *focus on Lark, wearing a ridiculous orange hat* and an idiot.
Lark: Does this hat make me look fly?
Back to reality for a moment.
Ninya: Roas, he's four. No hospital stories.
Roas nods and starts again. There is no hospital, but the scenery is now that of a medieval fantasy.
Roas: Fine. *focus on Kiyone and Zero... sharing one body, with Kiyone on the left and Zero on the right* There was once a two-headed witch... *focus on Schala, wearing a (gasp) violet dress, who curtsies* a princess... *focus on Lark, dressed in peasantries and a jester's hat* and a village idiot.
Lark: Does this hat make me look fly-eth? It jingles when I shake it. *does so, and the bells jingle*
*Opening theme.*
Reality. Dante is tucked into bed.
Roas: You good?
Dante: Yep.
Roas: Okay, here we go... Once upon a time...
Roas begins his story. The backdrop changes to a medieval village.
Roas: A long time ago, there was a place known as Sacred Shrinia...
Rune: *in peasant clothes* Dammit, golem! Why is this village so filthy?
Techno: *dressed up to look like a golem* Well, irritable spirit of Chinese origin, it could be because this towns roads are paved with mud! Or maybe it's because I've been swabbing everyone's porch with Zophar's Blood. *laughs* I jest. Only yours. You know why? You've been telling everyone I eat babies! I don't eat babies! With babies, it's a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips! I eat toddlers.
*Hiro comes up pushing the 'deadwagon'.*
Hiro: *motioning to Rune* I thought you said she'd be dead already?
Techno: *aside* Come back later... *normally* Say, do you have any babies- *catches himself* toddlers... on that cart?
Hiro: *checks the cart* Nope.
Techno: Oh well. Off to work. *leaves with mop over his shoulder*
We cut to a simple house in a wooded clearing. Schala paces in front of it.
Roas (Narration): On the outskirts of town, the princess' handmaiden was in dire straits, so her highness sent out a call for help.
Lark is seen walking towards Schala.
Lark: Good morrow. ^_^
Schala: *disappointed* That's funny. I requested someone strong and brave, yet here stands the village idiot. >_<
Lark:
Hey, I'm brave! I just saved this fish from drowing. *pulls a catfish from his pocket*Schala:
Lark: Off you go, little buddy. *puts the fish down, which lies dead* He's just tired. Earlier, he was dancing all around. ^_^
Schala:
Schala groans as Lark tries to convince the dead fish to 'run and be free'.
Roas (Narration): Now, this was no ordinary idiot. He was a collosall idiot. He was such an idiot that other idiots would-
Back to reality for a moment.
Jack: Daddy!
Roas: Sorry man. I just wanted to be real clear on how much of an idiot this guy actually was. Where was I?
Back to the story.
Roas (Narration): In any case, the princess and the idiot had a sordid past.
Lark: Look, Your Highness, I just came by to ask you to apologize for saying I tried to kiss you when, in fact, it was your royal tongue that tried to storm my mouthcastle.
Schala: Hmmm... that's not how I recall it.
Lark: Come on! You closed your eyes and started heaving your busoms up and down and up and down...
Schala: Yeah, it's called breathing. *looks at her chest* I'm doing it now.
Lark: I know... Can I rest my face upon them and ponder what you said?
Schala: No!
Lark: Okay...
Schala: My poor maiden is being tormented by a terrible monster! She grows weaker by the minute!
Lark: A monster? *goes to the window* I know she's ill, but I think it's a bit of a stretch to say that it's the work of a monster.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a tarasque presses its face to the window, causing our poor village idiot to jump back in shock. The window coverings close.
Lark: There's a monster in there...
Lark and Schala open the coverings to Marian's hospital room, where we return to reality for a moment.
Schala: Lark, she's febrile, her liver's enlarged and her kidneys are shutting down. Are you going to help me or not?
??: I will!The sound of a horse neighing is heard and we return to the fantasy world. Sadoul is riding said horse.
Schala: Sadoul?
Sadoul: Perhaps if I can save your maiden, the soul of your heart will soften, and I can once again plant the seed of our love.
Schala: *groan* Yeah look Prince. This... *points between herself and Sadoul* is not happening. Time to move on. And if you don't mind I'd like to have back the key to my chastity belt.
Sadoul grumbles a "Fine.", but complies, tossing the key to Schala, then gallops away.
Sadoul: Come, Peppermint...
We then see Lark and Schala's feet, where said chastity belt drops.
Schala: *sighs in relief* That is gonna make so many things so much easier.
Lark: Why did you send him away? We could have used his help.
Suddenly, in a puff of purple smoke, the two headed witch of Zero and Kiyone appears, coughing.
Zero/Kiyone: *alternating* We can help, Your Highness.
Roas (Narration): Zerone was once two seperate witches, but ever since they got married, they merged into one. *as Zero's half does something inappropriate to Kiyone's half* It made for some... awkward situations.
Zero/Kiyone: That's what I'm talking about. *Zero laughs*
Schala: Zerone, how can we defeat the monster?
Zero/Kiyone: We must go to the... delicatessen.
Kiyone: What?
Schala: I think they just did that alternating words thing to bug me... >_>
Kiyone: Now, meet us at the potion shop so we can get a spell to stop that monster.
Zero: But first we must stop at the drugstore! *quietly* I need to pick up something for her time of the month...
Kiyone: 'Our' time of the month.
Zero: *on the verge of crying* Is that why I keep crying for no damn reason?! Cause I didn't ask for this! ...Do we look fat?
Lark and Schala give them a weird look.
Kiyone: We look beautiful.
Zero: Really?
Kiyone: Yeah.
'Zerone' disappears in another puff of smoke.
Schala: How are we gonna get there?
Lark: Don't worry. I have a sweet ride.
Back in the village, Lark and Schala ride into town on a donkey.
Schala: This is mortifying... ;_;
Lark: Don't listen to her, Sasha.
Schala: *strangely interested* Idiot, I have to ask... how do you get your hair like that?
Lark: You like it? I do it myself. It's one part Dragon Diamond 'extract' *Schala twists her face to disgust*, one part Lyton River mud, and a touch of my secret ingredient.
More Dragon Diamond 'extract'.
Schala: Uh oh. It's the Dark Lord's toady.
Darrell appears, red boil-skinned and hunch-backed, hair sticking out wildly.
Darrell: My master approaches! Prepare yourselves for his untamed vengeance!
In a column of gold fire, Azreal appears... much as he did in Children of Fate. Villagers scream and scramble away.
Roas (Narration): The Dark Lord Serano was the evil ruler of the entire land.
Azreal: Hey gang. How you holding up? That is a sharp-looking donkey.
Lark: *to Schala* Told you!
Azreal: *demonic Soul Edge voice* NO SPEAKING!!! A warning to all! Any who dare step foot in my Forbidden Forest shall therefore disappear!!
Hiro: I was in the Forbidden Forest earlier today and I'm still here. *laughs... but...* Where did he go?
Azreal suddenly appears behind him, puts a hand on his shoulder, and he disappears in gold fire.
Reality
Azreal: Hiro's shift ended twenty minutes ago and he was still here, so now he's going home without pay. If anyone would like to join him, test me!
Hiro: Can I at least get that body downstairs?
Indeed, the elevator door has been opening and closing on a body bag.
Azreal: I said OUT!!!
Hiro scrams.
Azreal: *to Darrell* Take care of that...
Darrell leans forward to lift the body, and a audible crack is heard.
Darrell: Ow! Man... there goes my back...
Darrell drops the body and walks away, much like his hunch-backed counterpart.
Cut to Lark and Schala walking towards Zero and Kiyone.
Schala: Guys, were you able to get that seedith test I ordered?
Zero: Lab's all backed up.
Lark: We need those results now.
Back to the story...
Kiyone: I'll handle this.
Zero: I'll stay here.
Kiyone: *grumbles* Goddess help me, I wish you could...
Zero: *imitates poorly*
Kiyone: >_>...
Zerone enters the potion shop.
Kiyone: We need a monster-fighting potion!
Ronfar: Sorry, this customer's next.
The customer turns around. It's a small, winged Kyle.
Kiyone: What the hell are you?
Kyle: I'm the Fairy Kyle-something.
Kiyone: Well, step aside, lest ye be dealt with. Zero! Wand!
Zero: Yeah, about the wand, I might have given it to the Idiot.
Indeed, Lark is using said wand to scratch his hindquarters. A puff of magic later...
Lark: Oh man... *he and Schala stare at his new cat tail* I'm a furry... >_<
Schala:
Kyle: You know, I have a big wand if you want to hold it. Of course, when it comes to magic, I just do this. *waves hands around really fast and Ronfar's clothes change to his Lunar: EB outfit* Fairy Five!
Reality
Zero has his hand up, but Kiyone gives him a dirty look.
Kiyone: Zero, no!
Zero and Kyle's faces fall in disappointment.
Kiyone: You don't let us go first, I'll never let him high-five you again.
Kyle conceeds and lets them go ahead. Kiyone goes first.
Kyle: Can I Still Get A High-Five Five?
Zero: No problem.
They five.
Kyle: I love slapping people five.
Meanwhile, Techno walks by Lark and Schala, his shoe untied.
Lark: Your shoelace is untied.
Techno: Hey, thanks man. *goes to tie shoe* You know how dangerous this is? My uncle's whole family was killed by an untied lace. X-Mas morning, they were all running down the stairs and tripped... and then a madman hacked them all to pieces. I owe you one. *leaves*
Lark: *horrified* Can't wait...
Zero and Kiyone appear behind them.
Kiyone: Guess who got the lab results.
Schala: *takes the paper* You guys are amazing. *Kiyone and Zero bump fists... but...* Damn, the seedith is negative... She's getting worse, and we're no closer to figuring out why... I've got to page him...
Everyone's faces fall at the news...
Back in the story, Schala sends a messenger dove away.
Schala: And now we wait...
Lark: *to Zerone* Hey, can you get rid of this tail?
Zero: No problem, buddy.
Kiyone rips the tail out with a sickening sound.
Lark:
Ow!! I meant with magic!! >_<Horse gallops can be heard.
Kiyone: He's here...
Roas (Narration): And then, before them, appeared the bravest, most handsome knight that any of them had ever seen.
A beautiful horse gallops to the group. Jumping off it is Roas... in full-powered Glaive Armor, Jade and Pearl by his sides.
Roas: *to Schala* Princess...
Schala curtsies.
Roas: ... *to Lark* Princess...
Lark: >_<...
Lark reluctantly does the same.
Schala: Brave Warrior, my poor maiden is being held captive by a terrible monster that can't be beaten.
Roas: There is no such thing as a monster that can't be beaten. *to Lark* Hey you. *tosses a silver to him* Valet this, will ya?
Lark: >_>...
Roas heads into the house...
Lark: *to Zero* You know, I miss hanging out with you. Alone.
Zero: There's not much I can do.
Lark: Last night, I had some grog with a guy whose hutmaid is a barrel maker. Let's just say, the guy has a saw.
Kiyone: Be careful, or I'll make your chin disappear. Oh! Too late! *snickers*
Lark: That's not nice... >_<
Schala: Look! The battle has begun...
Inside the house, Roas stares down the tarasque.
Roas: My name is Roas Atradas. You're killing my friend. Prepare to die.
The tarasque roars. Roas unsheaths his swords with a flourish. With a shout, he cleaves the creature's head in two. Suddenly, the head reforms, its face changing into white with red eyes and needle teeth. Zeriam.
Roas: That's new...
The others are watching behind the window.
Zero: I don't know what's scarier: The monster, or that scary old lady!
Lark: What scary old lady...?
From out of the nearby brush pops a scary old lady... that suspiciously looks somewhat like Ninya. She roars.
Reality... Roas and Dante scream. Ninya had poked her head in the door, her face covered in a beauty mask.
Ninya: Very funny. Roas, it's his bedtime.
Roas: But Ninyaaaa...!
&
Dante: But Mom...!
Ninya: No buts. Lights out.
And the wicked immortal flicks the light switch...
