Lark's Revenge?

[Zero]

(In the middle of the Battle Board, a lonely ring sits. Chairs surround the ring, with no one in them.)

(A stage sit near the north entrance, quiet. No lights, no sound.)

Speakers: *YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME?*

(The lights and speakers turn on, and Alter Bridge's 'Metalingus' hits. Right as the lyrics hits, Zero appears on the stage, the metal plate in his right hand.)

Negative, the Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentleman, the Rated R Rune Bearer, Zero Catallena!

(Zero, walking down the ramp with a smug smile on his face and the metal plate in his hand, waves to no one, and enters the ring. He takes a mike from Negs.)

Zero: (Knocks his hand on the plate.) Dented. How? Self Protection. From what? Insanity. From who? Them.

(A promo cuts on the screen, first showing Skylark kicking Zero in the head a few weeks ago, then Zero getting speared the first time, then Zero getting attacked by a chicken.)

Zero: I put up with a lot of grief around here, you know? I keep the bathrooms clean, I raised two kids, I'm raising another. I'm married. You know, one would hope that I could walk into the hall without being randomly attacked. But, alas, it's not meant to be.

Zero: (Staring right into the camera.) Lark, you started this. This started with the kick, this started when you defended Roas's wussy sport, this started with the chicken. The plate was meant for *you,* buddy. But you let your kid do your dirty work, and how well did that end for ya?

Zero: Show it!

(The screen shows Kalia knocking herself out on said plate.)

Zero: Suddenly, there's the tragedy. (Mocking Sad Voice) That mean man! He knocked out that little girl! How dare he! That mean, naughty man! (Normal) PLEASE. I'm the victim in all this! I've done nothing wrong except defend myself!

(Zero throws the plate to the outside.)

Zero: Come on, birdboy! Face me like a man! Or are you going to send Schala down here next?!? I'm sure that would end well... with me dropping her with my Omega Soul Stealer!

Zero: Well, Lark?!?

---------------

And THAT, ladies and gentleman, is how you cut an Edge heel promo.

[Roas]

Well...you did go heel in my WWE Universe mode.

...you still owe me a concluded match from over a year ago...but I'll sit back and enjoy this.

[skylark]

Speakers: *drum riff*

(Judas Priest's Painkiller hits. Lark walks out onto the stage as he waves to the invisible audience. As the lyrics hit, Lark raises an arm just before flame tower pyros shoot off. He then closes his fist and lowers his arm and his head as if in prayer.)

(The music stop and a mic is tossed to him from nowhere, which he catches.)

Lark: Pretty big speech there, Zero. And with that little smear campaign, the *bleep* must be pretty proud of you. But I can give as good as I get, and you sound pretty damn hypocritical right now. Let's talk for a moment about all the giant cakes and crap you've dropped on me over the years. Cakes large enough to crush to death ordinary people. Lakes of Jell-O that most people would drown in. (points to his wings) These wings don't help with buoyancy. Roll it.

(A clip reel of all the times Lark has been crushed under giant desserts.)

Lark: Now, I'm sure you found all that pretty funny. My back sure didn't. You do all this to me, yet you suddenly play yourself off as a victim? As a saint? So tell me, how many women, before and after you married, did you grope? I have an idea. Roll it.

(A clip reel of all the time Zero was being a perv, putting some focus specifically when Zero groped Ninya in one of the tournaments.)

Lark: Married man indeed. They should send you a medal. And you can say anything you want about myself, Schala, and Reika, but at least everything's consentual on all sides.

Lark: You see, I was miffed at first about the cake deal. I was, but I mellowed out as I realized it was only a form of comedic sociopathy. So you know what? After about a dozen cakes, I decided, 'Hey, why not give something back?' So I figured... You drop a 1000-pound cake on me... I give you some Sweet Chin Music. It's only fair. I get dropped in the middle of a Jell-O lake, you get Speared through a wall - which I totally intend to pay for - by a little girl. As for the chicken, that's your own fault. You taunted it. Has the Zelda series taught you nothing?

Lark: But you know... (starts frowning) You tried to threaten it afterwards. Kalia is very protective of Giblet, and you threatened to cook it. You know the rules. But that plate... you knew. You knew exactly how Kalia was gonna react, and you wore that plate anyway... I like a good comedic sociopathic joke as much as the next guy. The Prinnies are perfect examples. But there is a line somewhere that should never be crossed... (angered) and you crossed it.

Lark: You want me to face you like a man?! You've got it! But not here... No, not here. There's just something missing from here. You want me to fight? Then put your money where your damn mouth is!!

(The Titanitron turns on. A cheering audience can be seen on the screen.)

Lark: We're not gonna fight in this empty arena! No, nonononono! We're gonna fight where the world can see us! Where The People can see us! In Lunar's capital of... MERIBIAAAAAAAA!!!! (Cheering) And you know what, I'll do you one better! (Lark removes his Strength Rune.) No Rune powers! No special abilities! Just skill, pure skill! So you better take a dump now before I knock the crap outta you! (Cheering)

Lark: I'll see you tonight. The Lark... has... spoken...

(Lark tosses the mic on the ground ans Painkiller starts up again. The seraph leaves the way he came.)

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Heh, I thought you had too much on your plate for this?

[Roas]

I know there's hamming up, but I warn to watch some of the rhetoric being said here.

My rules on no politics still stand, and I'd prefer to not have anything like that brought up. Not fully thought through comments and the such could be misconstrued...I'm already slightly annoyed.

So have fun, but please keep to the forum rules...which are never really necessary to enforce, but I'm reminding.

[skylark]

Fixed. My bad.